How to cope?

[Peejymonster]

Hi, looking for some advice on how to cope and feel better. I recently had a complicated miscarriage at 10 weeks with infection and retained products eventually having to have surgical management. I think I sort of went in to denial and was just happy to draw a line under it all once the medical side of things was sorted out. Since the miscarriage, several friends have announced their pregnancies and whilst I am happy for them, it has reminded me that I should be pregnant too and the strategy of pretending it didn’t happen and not thinking about it isn’t working.

I have a 2 year old who it took over a year to conceive and I think stress played a large part in this. This most recent pregnancy was actually unplanned (I never thought it would be possible for me to get pregnant accidentally) and has made me realise that I do want my son to have a sibling. Now thinking about TTC again I feel this horrible panicky feeling in my chest that it is going to be like the first time with me getting stressed that it’s not going to happen etc. I am in my mid-30s so don’t think I can afford to just ‘wait and see’ as time is not on my side which also adds to the pressure. What strategies did people use to help them relax when trying again after a miscarriage?

@Peejymonster hello, I'm not sure I can help much as I'm a bit behind you but I wanted to to reach out anyway. I am currently waiting to miscarry, I found out two weeks ago that the heartbeat was off, then a week ago that it had stopped altogether. It's been an agonising wait waiting for the miscarriage to start, I must say generally I just feel deflated and low, unmotivated to do anything - not sure how else to explain it. I'm really hoping after the miscarriage I will just bounce back again, although it sounds like a lot of people don't. My favourite thing has been thinking with my husband if some nice things we can do to 'get back to normal' once it's all over - eg go to our favourite restaurant and have sushi and cocktails which we couldn't do while pregnant and won't be able to if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again soon. Just helps remind me normal life will come back again. Have you spoken to your Dr about next steps? I think that might help, depending how nice your Dr is. Perhaps they could advise on things to focus on in terms of trying to get pregnant again, if that's what you want. Also have to spoken to any friends or family? I've told quite a few people, including work, and it definitely doesn't make it magically better but it has been helping. Not sure if any of that is helpful but either way wishing you so much luck and future happiness