Planning to cope with the next one

[bellbell123]

Hi - I'm 33, just had an MMC. I know this sounds mad but I want to plan the next miscarriage, I can't go through what I've been through again.

I had a private scan which told me my pregnancy wasn't viable, after EPU hell took the misoprostol just to get out of there. They couldn't schedule a D&C for two weeks. I haemorraged, fitted and fainted from blood loss; but passed the baby that night and thought I was done. Turns out it didn't all pass; had another severe blood loss session a few days later and had emergency D&C. Was so fed up with being in hosp I discharged myself as soon as I could put my clothes on.

The only thing that is keeping me sane is planning out the next one, since no one can give me answers or is interested in finding out cause, so I guess I can look forward to this again at least another two times.

So I have two questions:

1. I want to start trying again as soon as I am fertile. Is this madness? I don't see why I should have to wait for a cycle if it's going to happen again before anyone will give a damn. May as well get it over with? Don't believe all this cr*p about resting my body.

1. More importantly, I think it's better to catch an MC earlier. If I get pregnant again, how often should I pay for private scans, will that make a difference? Weekly / fortnightly? I know I will have to self fund a D&C again - the hell am I waiting around or almost bleeding to death from misoprostol again.

Also if anyone can advise on whether it's worth having private investigations done after only one MC I'd really appreciate it. I simply don't believe this wasn't preventable but the NHS doesn't care until you've had at least three.

I have some money but not excessive, I'm frightened I'll be trapped in an endless cycle of this. If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful to hear it.

Firstly, very sorry about your mmc and traumatic ordeal!
To answer your questions:

1. You wouldn't get a doctor recommending any investigations after one mmc.
2. It's highly likely you won't have a miscarriage next time anyway!
3. No two miscarriages are the same - I've had 4 (2 mc & 2 mmc - with children Inbetween). With one of mine I ended up in resus with cervical shock and blood loss. Whereas with another I had very minimal bleeding but retained products that I eventually passed 10 weeks later. What I did do though when I needed management for the second mmc was tell the hospital about the haemorrhage and they kept me in during the management instead of sending me home. That way the situation was much more controllable.

I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. It really sounds horrific.
I've just had a MC too (following IVF), but I I didn't physically suffer the way you have.
Early scanning can provide some reassurance that the pregnancy is developing as planned, as can a series of three HCG blood tests, each 48hours apart (which should show HCG doubling).
Sadly if either identifies that the pregnancy isn't developing as it should, there is no medical way of turning that around.
There are things that can be done to support an early pregnancy if it's indicated, like progesterone supplementation.
60% of the time a miscarriage is due to a chromosomal abnormality in the developing embryo ie the genes aren't what they should be. The other reasons are hormonal, blood clotting issues, infection or anatomical (which tend to cause miscarriage later).
I know it's not much comfort now, but the majority of woman that miscarry go on to have a normal pregnancy the next time round.
I really hope the next is your rainbow baby x

Hi - I'm 33, just had an MMC. I know this sounds mad but I want to plan the next miscarriage, I can't go through what I've been through again.

I had a private scan which told me my pregnancy wasn't viable, after EPU hell took the misoprostol just to get out of there. They couldn't schedule a D&C for two weeks. I haemorraged, fitted and fainted from blood loss; but passed the baby that night and thought I was done. Turns out it didn't all pass; had another severe blood loss session a few days later and had emergency D&C. Was so fed up with being in hosp I discharged myself as soon as I could put my clothes on.

The only thing that is keeping me sane is planning out the next one, since no one can give me answers or is interested in finding out cause, so I guess I can look forward to this again at least another two times.

So I have two questions:

1. No, it's not madness, there is no medical reason to wait. Some people believe

You are more fertile straight after a miscarriage.

1. It's difficult to catch or at least act upon a miscarriage really early. There are things you could do to reassure yourself though. You could get an hcg blood test when you find out you are pregnant and then another one 48 hours later, it should double (or at least almost double) in a viable pregnancy. Easily scans should detect a heartbeat in a healthy pregnancy from 6 weeks but if you are a few days out with dates you might not get a clear answer. If no heart beat is detected on the first scan they will generally make you come back for a repeat scan to check for development a week or so later. So still 7 weeks or so at the earliest before action can be taken if it's not going in the right direction.

Miscarriage is unfortunately very common, not to say that makes it any less devastating. They won't investigate 1 miscarriage, the vast majority are to do with chromosome issues in the embryo, this is not preventable but most ladies go on to have successful pregnancies the next time.

My advice is to try again, stay positive and not to assume it will happen again.....

Good luck!!

Personally, I think over testing and reacting to a very early pregnancy makes it much harder. Maybe wait before testing for pregnancy so it doesn’t become too big a deal. A very high number of early pregnancies end in miscarriage and it is a ‘normal’ part of reproduction, sadly.
Knowing earlier doesn’t change outcomes.
Investigation doesn’t start until it becomes serial miscarriage- which is rarer.
Early scans can provide reassurance but can also create additional stress where it’s too early for much to be seen. NHS isn’t going to offer scanning and testing after one miscarriage. Most private scanning centres should not be offering the TVS necessary for accuracy pre 8 weeks.

Thank you for your answers. I am just frightened about going through it again, I'm so damn tired from this. I feel like if I can catch it early then next time it won't be so bad?
I had a total loss of pregnancy symptoms which makes me feel I could have picked this up earlier - maybe not prevented the actual baby loss but maybe I wouldn't have lost so much blood.
I have zero hope in my heart that I will have a child without intervention. I can't accept there was no cause here it makes no sense

CherryPavlova - I would be interested to know why you think scans before 8 weeks are a bad idea? Is it because it causes damage or something? I'm really skeptical of what the NHS has told me after the misoprostol nearly killed me and just trying to make sense of it all, I'm a physical and mental wreck

Hi OP sorry you've had a rough time - in answer to your questions

1. Yes you really should wait to have one cycle first before trying again - your uterus lining needs time to recover and if you don't let it have one cycle it might be too thin to support another pregnancy and so result in another miscarriage. Also if there is any left over infection this can cause fluid build up in the tubes which can either cause an ectopic or the hydrosalpinx is toxic anyway so would cause another miscarriage

1. If you hit the "magic" number of 3 recurrent miscarriages they scan you every 2 weeks from 6 weeks up until 12 weeks. So I guess if you're going private consider the same timescales.

I'm with a miscarriage clinic snd supposed specialist and to be honest they are useless - they won't bring you in for tests to see if it's low progesterone or estrogen levels which is causing miscarriage so by the time you get to the 6 weeks scan could be too late anyway.

You could see an ivf clinic for miscarriage testing - they can be cheaper than the £3k which is the cost of the place in London to get the tests done. You would need to go to a separate clinic for NK cells testing though

Also be aware though that it could equally be down to your husband as to what caused the miscarriage so he should get tested too

Hey,
I had an early Miscarriage last year and felt exactly the same as you about just getting on with things.

I didn’t wait for next cycle as it had taken 4months to conceive with the one I lost and I felt ready to start trying again a few weeks after bleeding stopped. I think if you’re emotionally ready to try again and the bleeding has cleared then why not?
I did conceive that time and had a scan at 5weeks and 7 weeks to confirm pregnancy/ dates and heart beat because of the MC. EPU wasn’t keen on giving me the extra scans but I had a great GP who did the referrals so didn’t need to go private. Once I saw the heartbeat at 7weeks I felt reassured enough to wait for the standard 12 weeks.

If you don’t have a period between MC and next pregnancy NHS will need to give you an early scan to get your due date. Many NHS services also offer an early reassurance scan following MC so you may not feel you need early private scans.

PS I’m currently watching the result of that second pregnancy fast asleep in his crib and I reflect that if I hadn’t miscarried I wouldn’t have this particularly lovely little chap now.

I TTC straight after a MC and was very lucky that I got pregnant immediately. It’s slightly harder for dating but that happens with scanning anyway so that didn’t worry me. However... it meant that emotionally I had been pregnant or having a miscarriage for 11/12 months straight, no break and in hindsight one month to use condoms, not be testing or thinking about being pregnant would have been a good idea for my mental health.

Also with regards to how to manage a miscarriage surely you could just book a D&C on the NHS if it happens again? You get a choice over which is have and given you’ve had a bad experience with a medical management it would make sense to try a different way if it happens again.

Then for scans I wouldn’t bother till 8 weeks. The chance of them not being able to tell you for sure is too high early on and the chance of miscarriage goes down a fair bit at 8 weeks.

Good luck!

No, there is no evidence of physical harm from early scans but no advantage either.
I just think given the high rate of miscarriage in healthy women that it makes it a much more traumatic experience. It used to be considered a late period and people shrugged their shoulders and moved on unless it became a recurring problem. Now very early scans create a baby, a person, an emotional bond and losing that becomes much higher stakes. It turns the normal into the abnormal without improving outcomes. Far from reassurance (as many are too early to offer that, if scans are abdominal) they seem to me to create additional pressure.

Thanks all. We actually weren't trying with this one but one of the doctors said outright i wasn't getting any younger which has freaked us out a bit.

I know now to be firm about D&C, it was just that there was a two week waiting list so I gambled with the pills.

I guess my reasoning behind having scans early is to lessen the impact a bit, ie treating it earlier = less chance of haemorrage again?

Oh love, I had a similar experience but without the fit. I ended up being blue lighted after everything was trying to come down and pass but my cervix wouldn’t open. The blood, the pain and the shock was ultra terrifying and we had DD at home who was 8 months at the time. I was 11 weeks when it happened, foetus hadn’t gone beyond 6 weeks.

Put simply, we waited 2 cycles, nothing, started peeing on clearblue ovulation sticks and I was pg 5 months later.

I begged the hospital for an early scan, 9 weeks is all they could do. Put simply once you see a heart beat things are probably going to be ok. It’s terifically hard to find a heartbeat pre 9 weeks and that’s why they won’t want to try in case everything looks tickety boo but the heart beat is too “small” to find.

Put bluntly, we just had to get on with it. Longest 40 weeks of my life. But DS was and is perfect and we went onto have DD2.

It never leaves you - even if you have 10 kids you’ll be shitting it. But now you know and can insist that god forbid should it happen again you have to be operated on. They can do it.

MN was a big comfort to me after mine - a wise soul said that whilst miscarriage robs your subsequent pregnancies of pure joy, instead of asking yourself why should the next one be successful, ask yourself why shouldn't it.

Good luck. And REST.

@bellbell123

Oh bell, this post really made me realise how I have been the last year.

My heart goes out to you, there really is no pain like losing a baby.

My first misscarriage I was 11 weeks, 3 days. It was horrendous, it sounds like your feeling exactly the same.

The best advice I could possibly give is, everything you are thinking and feeling right now is probably not what is best for you ( trust me, people said that too me and I would fly off the handle but they was sure right!!)

Me and my partner jumped straight back into trying, I tried to control the situation sooooo much. I just thought to myself " there has to be a reason for this".

Truth is, there is a 50% chance it's a chromosome abnormality and that that your next pregnancy will be totally normal!

They say the chance is probably even higher than that, but my private consultant insists it's only 50% of the reason why.

If you feel like this is going to happen again, please go with your gut. I wish I had. 3 misscarriages and a ectopic pregnancy.. I am only not seeking answers.

The NHS only do very very standard tests. If you can, I really suggest try going private. They can test you for all different issues and also, hopefully your never have to experience the treatment I received from the NHS.

Please be kind to yourself and your body. It took us over a year to fall pregnant the first time, now I fall very very easily because every time you have a misscarriage it makes you very fertile. Technically you can try right away, I don't think your body needs a rest after a misscarriage but possibly your mind might.

You want to go into your next pregnancy thinking " I'm really worried buttttt the likihood it will be okay"

I really hope your okay, be easy on yourself!

Hi OP,
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, it’s such a terrible time.

In answer to your questions I tried straight away, fell pregnant 4 months later although it unfortunately ended with another miscarriage. But we felt ready to try again at the time and I think that’s what matters. After my second miscarriage I stopped ovulating, I went to see a private consultant after three months and she prescribed me clomid to ‘reset’ I fell pregnant second month which resulted in my beautiful little boy.

I only had one early scan after my second miscarriage, I got an access card from the lovely nurse at the epu who had seen me during both miscarriages. I personally wouldn’t recommend constant scans, testing etc as for me it would have driven my anxiety through the roof.

Something I would recommend is talking to a counsellor, this helped me massively. You have gone through a loss and are grieving.

Please please don’t assume you will have more miscarriages. Chances are next time you will be fine.
The epu nurse said to me they see 1-2 women a day having their first miscarriage, 1-2 women a week having their second but 1-2 women every 15/16 weeks having their third which is why the nhs won’t investigate after 1 or 2. The waiting lists would be massive.

Huge hugs op xx