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First pregnancy, first MC and I'm 40
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LilySouthWest · 12/08/2019 13:40

I found out I was pregnant for the 1st time in early June which took me completely by surprise! Two weeks before my 40th birthday. My partner and I had only recently rekindled our physical relationship but we were very happy and starting making plans for the future. I had the 1st antenatal appointment in mid July and scan booked for end July after we had gone to tell his parents. At the scan it was discovered I had had a missed miscarriage of a twin pregnancy at 8.5 weeks. I couldn't believe it as I had no symptoms that there was anything wrong. My partner was in complete shock as he thought it would be completely fine.

It's been 2 weeks since I found out and one week since surgical management and I feel physically fine but emotionally I am struggling. Luckily work have been great and I was signed off for 2 weeks. My partner and I don't live together but I have been staying with him as being at my home alone is too difficult.

I am struggling to reconnect with my partner a little as he hasn't had much time to deal with what happened and I know men deal with it differently. He does seem willing to try again but I don't know whether he is saying it just to try and get me back to myself.

I would love any stories of hope for successful pregnancies after 40 and a miscarriage and any advice on how to talk to my partner?

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CmdrCressidaDuck · 12/08/2019 14:05

I'm sorry for your loss.

Take heart that miscarriages in a first pregnancy are very very common and don't necessarily say anything at all about your ability to carry a pregnancy to term generally. That said, the miscarriage risk is climbing significantly at 40, so bear in mind that if you want to try again, you may have to risk further miscarriages to get a pregnancy that sticks. Many people are successful though, and if you are able to conceive (which it appears you are) and there are no underlying issues you are likely to be successful in the end.

If you are really struggling to communicate openly with your partner on this you may find it worth taking a few sessions with a counsellor. It's a common topic. Have you any reason to think your partner wouldn't be open to trying again when he says he is?

Also, and I'm sorry to mention it, but you mention you've only just "reconnected physically" and don't live together. TTC, miscarriage and a baby are all big stresses on a relationship. Are you happy that yours is in the right place to undergo those stresses?

All the best.

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LilySouthWest · 12/08/2019 15:06

@CmdrCressidaDuck our relationship story was a little complicated as we started out in romantic relationship but due to distance we mutually agreed to break up. The distance closed earlier this year and the attraction was still there so we were able to rekindle our relationship which is great. Before I found out I was pregnant we were making plans to move in together so whilst it is a stressful time he has been my rock since we lost our babies.

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