Coping with miscarriage after IVF

[morningsunrise]

I'm new to this site but am reaching out to other women who might have experienced something similar as I'm feeling pretty alone.

My partner and I recently did our first round of IVF with FET. We're 36 & 37 and have fertility problems and our hopes of conceiving were very low so when we got a BFP we were elated. Sadly over the past few days at 5w 3d I've experienced bleeding and cramping which has become much more severe. The clinic seem reluctant to test me until the scan date in 2w but I'm confident this is a MC. I feel absolutely devastated but also like I shouldn't feel so upset with it being only 5w.

I just feel emotionally drained from the highs and lows of IVF and stupid for allowing myself to believe it might actually happen for us. We have some frozen embryos left so I know there's still hope but the idea of going through it again feels overwhelming. I'm also surrounded by pregnant friends at the minute (some conceived through IVF) which is making it even harder. How did you all cope with MC and further cycles of IVF? I feel so sad and hopeless :(

So sorry you're going through this, it's totally crap. It's so incredibly hard after IVF. I've had 2 transfers and 2 miscarriages. I'll be going into my next round soon. It has completely ruined any future pregnancies, I will never be able to enjoy it or not expect it to go wrong again, it's such a shame. Even the second time we got our BFP I thought oh great here we go again. I'm trying to go into this next IVF round with positive thoughts and thinking every round is different. Look after yourself.

@LillyLeaf I can only imagine how awful it must feel to have suffered a miscarriage more than once. I can completely understand the anxiety you must be feeling going into any future pregnancy/IVF rounds. It must be so hard to imagine a good outcome after what you've been through already. Whilst there's still hope, it's completely understandable that you'd want to protect yourself and not think it possible. I really hope that it works out for you next time.

I think the only way to cope is to have a "plan" and look towards the next cycle or transfer

It's the only way I've been able to cope. I've had 5mc and 2 ectopic - my second ectopic was an IVF transfer - ironically we went down the IVF route to try and avoid another ectopic so I've had really shitty luck

I'm planning next full ivf cycle next month and it's the only thing keeping me going at the moment. We ll never conceive naturally again as has had to have both tubes removed - If i didn't have IVF as a back up plan I think I'd need counselling and a very expensive holiday

It's absolutely horrible to be in this situation and you are in my thoughts.

I have been here a few times (both after IVF and natural conceptions) and my only way of coping was looking forwards, focusing on the positives (those frozen embryos!) and planning the next steps. At 36 you should still have good odds. The fact that you have frozen embryos is very positive as hopefully the eggs are decent quality!

Clinics are awful making making you wait for scans, yes bleeding can happen and everything can be ok but they are wrong to dismiss your inclination. You could get some HCG tests to see if that gives you a quicker definitive answer. And maybe do a pregnancy test every few days to see what happens to the line (same brand....).

Thinking of you and hoping you get your baby soon!!

In terms of the next cycle I would say try not to think about how many cycles you would try etc, we never set limits. Unfortunately it is best to see it as a process, it's common for it to take a few goes and a few setbacks before luck strikes. So much of
It is down to luck as well unfortunately.

In the end we actually conceived our second naturally despite multiple IVF failures. So if there is any possibility (and we really didn't think there was for us!) make sure you try naturally between cycles! Good luck!!

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I’m so sorry for your losses. Life is really unfair sometimes. I think you’re right about having a plan. I keep trying to focus on our next round but the thought of the emotional rollercoaster starting again is exhausting.

@talkwhilstyouwalk thanks for your kind words. I’m trying to stay positive about next time but dreading going through it all again. Maybe it gets easier over time? I’ve found it all so much harder than expected. I was hoping the clinic could do HCG tests to confirm MC but for some reason they’re not keen. I’m certain it is but I can’t move on until I know for sure. Using the same brand tests is a good shout though. I’ve been using different ones which probably wouldn’t show a difference. Also, massive congratulations on your second little surprise! It’s nice to know that things can work out against the odds

Hi all, we had our first round of IVF in May and our 1 embryo became our bfp. The sheer emotion of the process and finding out we only had 1 that survived was rollercoaster enough! Then all our dreams came true and we saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks. I got to 11 weeks before losing it. I can't describe the heartache. It's not like we can just try again, the thought of doing it again is so terrifying but also all consuming. I'm actually worried because all I can focus on is the next round now. I daren't think about further than that because the thought of not getting to be a mother breaks me. Sorry, I sound very melodramatic it's all very raw. I had a scan today to check the pregnancy has gone and nothing retaining, thankfully there's nothing there but I feel so empty.

@Weenumpty It’s not melodramatic at all. IVF is emotionally exhausting. To come this far and have it snatched away from you at 11 weeks is devastating. I had my miscarriage confirmed today. I wish I could offer some words of comfort but all I can do is sympathise. It’s a horrible experience and I understand the emptiness and fear of not becoming a mother. I’m terrified that I’ll end up in this position again. All we can do is hold onto hope and allow ourselves time to heal. Thinking of you xx

Thanks for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear you had your miscarriage confirmed, I was really hoping it would work out for you. I hope it does soon. Look after yourself xx

How are you doing @morningsunrise?

Hi Ladies

I am in a similar situation following a donor cycle and transfer of a day 6 blastocysts.
Yesterday I was 5 + 2 and started bleeding, cramping and passed some tissue.
I spoke to the IVF clinic who said "it's normal to bleed" and told me I was under orders of struck bed rest (lying on my left side??) for 48hours.
I couldn't just wait as most of my symptoms had gone so I took myself to the EPU this morning. They scanned and didn't find a pregnancy. They took blood to test HCG and I've to repeat it again on Monday. On Tuesday they will be able to confirm for sure, although I'm already very sure! I think IVF makes us so aware of every little change in our bodies.
Called the IVF clinic after my trip to the EPU and they told me I had to keep going with all the meds until Results come back on Tuesday. Total mind melt. Feels like they're unhelpfully giving false hope.
My heart breaks for all you ladies. This is by far the hardest journey. I'm proud of all of our resilience- getting back up after each time we're knocked to the floor.x

@Weenumpty sorry for the late reply. It’s been a whirlwind of a week. We spoke to the clinic a week ago who said a MC was almost certain after blood tests showed HCG wasn’t rising properly. They couldn’t scan that early though. After I spoke to them I continued to get the most horrific morning sickness so they brought me in for a scan today. Turns out our little embryo is still holding on and the bleeding was something called a haematoma. I've never felt so many emotions at once.

I wasn’t sure whether to post as I know it might be upsetting for some on this thread. It’s still very early days so staying cautious.

@SLR1982 - The uncertainty is awful. 5+2 is such a difficult time as a scan won’t always tell you much. I’m holding out hope for you. Let us know how you get on x

@morningsunrise I'm so pleased to read your great news! Will keep everything crossed for you.

My news wasn't positive sadly. My HCG from Saturday was 212 and today 40 so they've confirmed a complete miscarriage.
I've now a lot of questions as my bfp was an HCG of 210 a week prior to MC....which would suggest there was no doubling of HCG after implantation. I'm hoping I can speak to my consultant this week and see if she can shed any light on that.x

@SLR1982 I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. How are you doing? Thinking of you.

Thanks @morningsunrise
I'm a bit up and down. Absolutely lost it with my IVF clinic yesterday. No contact with me for 3 days while I was miscarrying and 24hours after I'd confirmed to them my HCG results and the miscarriage was complete I hadn't had even an acknowledgement of that or offer of support. I phoned them and was told they hadn't received my last two emails, then quickly withdrew that saying they'd been "overlooked". Surely if they hadn't received an update from me and knew I was having a suspected miscarriage they would have proactively thought to contact me and check how I was doing?
I guess I'm at the anger stage of grief and loss.
My GP surgery on the other hand is utterly brilliant. I cannot praise the support I get from them enough.

There seems to be massive variation between IVF clinics and it sounds like you’ve been unlucky. It’s really not on that they weren’t responsive when you needed their support the most. I’m glad the GP has been a bit better. Mine was the other way around. Great clinic, terrible GP practice.

Oh I'm massively lucky with my GP. I literally think I've found a rare diamond. Even the reception staff go above and beyond to help you....I mean to the point I called yesterday afternoon and she opened an appointment on the system for me to see my named GP this morning rather than the usual polava of there being no appointment and having to call at 8.30 for a same day appointment.
I've written to the quality manager at the IVF clinic today and explained my story (there was also an issue as my embiez it was delayed development - didn't make blastocyst until day 6. My transfer was arranged for day 5 and clinic didn't think to call me and tell me that there was nothing for transfer. Instead I turned up at the clinic. It was a 2.5hr round trip and they left me sat waiting for an hour before a doctor I'd never met dropped the bombshell on me. The next day I had the transfer and interestingly the receptionist pulled me to one side and apologised for her part in what happened the day earlier. She said to me that she had been instructed to keep me waiting...which just confirmed to me it was deliberate and unkind). I'll wait and see what response I get from that.

That's shocking! I'm so sorry you've had such a rubbish experience with the clinic. IVF is such a tough process, the last thing you need is extra stress from the people who are meant to be helping you. I hope you get a proper apology. Do you have any future rounds planned with them?

The donor package I purchased guaranteed me 5x d5 blastocysts. First donor round went badly. 11 mature eggs harvested, 10 fertilised....but just the one made it to blastocysts at d6 (so I'm in a bit of a quandary whether the mc is more likely related to chromosomal issue being that it was the only one (4BB) to make it from a young donors eggs or whether it was my autoimmune issues) so they still owe' me 4 more. There will be a new donor search and donor round at the clinic expense, however I'll need to pay for any further transfers. If the next donor produces more than 4, I will get to keep all that's produced.

I really hope you have a better experience with the next round. This clinic doesn't sound the best but it's hard once they have your money.