Coping with pregnancy after recurrent losses

[Greymoon2016]

Hi all im after some advice and support really I'm struggling in my pregnancy I've had three previous missed miscarriages and they have effected me deeply and I don't think I worked through what they did to me.
I'm now 22 weeks pregnant and struggling with my confusing feelings I'm terrified of being attached to the baby because it could go wrong so I'm not growing attached and have feelings like i don't want the baby 😢 when in reality I think I'm trying to protect myself from further hurt like that's even possible.
I found out the sex to help me bond but it's done anything but I have been experiencing gender disappointment which in turn makes me feel awful after everything I've been through as it doesn't matter so long as the baby is healthy.
I have an appointment later this month with mental health people as I had severe pnd with my first so will discuss with them but in the mean time how do I cope mentally with this pregnancy when I entered it expecting another loss x thanks for reading

Hi greymoon I'm so sorry for your losses. I had 4 MC altogether and three in a row before a successful pregnancy with my DD. I can completely relate to distancing myself to try and protect myself from further pain. It sounds like the counselling will be really helpful, but have you tried contacting the Miscarriage Association in the meantime? They have a phone helpline and local meetings. It is the ultimate unfairness that going through this has the potential to rob you of bonding with your rainbow baby.

Thank you for your kind reply I'm sorry to hear about your losses devastating aren't they? Thank you for the info about miscarriage association I will look into that.
I think after my third loss in February this year I had become numb to the losses like I knew what would happen so why did I put myself through the pain again. This pregnancy wasn't even me trying for a baby we were both lost in grief and needed to feel close again just one time before my cycle had returned from my loss.
I also had a heavy bleed at 7 weeks followed by over two weeks of bleeding so in my head I had prepared myself for another miscarriage not another baby so I think early on I'd put an emotional barrier there 😔