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I don't even know anymore.
5

pleasedontjudge4 · 06/08/2019 10:45

I'm on net mums a lot but my name has been changed as I'm simply embarrassed.

I really hate to admit this but I'm becoming really concerned about my mental health.

To everyone else I appear to be one of the strongest women they know, after all in the last year I've had 3 misscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, surgery to remove my tube and countless tests which have all resulted in " bad luck".

My partners sister in law is now expecting a baby within the next 2 weeks, I know I'm going to struggle immensely with this and I know she will purposely make me feel shit. She has a history of nasty comments to me.

" I don't see you two ever having children personally"
" because your misscarriages now the family can't enjoy my pregnancy because their worried"

Trust me, there is so many more.

I think by family and friends I have felt let down in so many ways as people don't know what to say, so they either say nothing or the totally wrong thing.

I'm really starting to struggle now, I've been working the whole time, renovating a house, what feels like babysitting my partner and just feeling so extremely low.

I feel like none of my friends could possibly understand what I'm going through ( well in fact they have openly admitted that they don't and a few have apologised as I'm always giving them therapy about their " hard life's")

I'm not saying what I've been through is harder than their breakup with their partner by any means because I know how much that can hurt, but I just feel like I'm constantly listening to everyone else moan and no one ever asks how I am. In fact I recently went through my 4th misscarriage and no one but my partner even knows.. just because theirs no point telling them as no one asks if I'm feeling okay anyways

My mum feels so sorry for herself at the fact she isn't a nanny yet which drives me crazy. She has two other children who will one day make her a nanny but for me... I might never be a mum.

I'm losing all hope, I don't really know what the point of me writing this all out was tbh. But just needed to rant.

My partner still smokes, still drinks and hasn't even tried to change his disgustingly horrible diet to even try maybe help everything that's going on.

We also discussed adoption but he doesn't feel ready yet, I feel like I probably need to talk to someone but I'm so scared to have counselling or speak up incase it effects our chances or ever being able to adopt too ..

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Jampot36 · 07/08/2019 17:25

Hi, i dont know what to say but wanted to acknowledge your post and reply to say you're not alone.

You sound like you've had such a thoroughly shitty time. I'm 4 days out from my first miscarriage, i was 7 weeks pregnant. I cant even begin to contemplate what 3 plus an eptopic must feel but i do know 1 is hell on earth so what youve beeb through is an ordeal...I'm so sorry you had to go through it.

Therapy shouldnt affect adoption, mostly these are confidential anyway and theres no wag you could be judged for seeking help when you need it. Could be worth exploring.

Maybe you could put your feelings in writing to your husband? It might help him process. I'd maybe say something a little more directly to your friends if you can? It doesnt need to be confrontational but let them know you need support too?

As for sister in law, can you avoid her? Maybe try to plan in some stuff around her due dates so you're not available?

Either way, I'm sorry you're going through this. X

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Trying93 · 08/08/2019 20:29

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks about 7 weeks ago. I can't imagine to begin what you've been through.

Your partners sister in law sounds like a complete bitch!! Can you try avoid her as much as possible. You dont need people like that in your life.

I'm sure your friends care about you but I think a miscarriage is something people dont understand unless they have been through it. And people are reluctant to ask about it incase they upset you.

I dont think counselling would affect you being able to adopt. I think after everything you have been through its understandable you need to talk to someone

Look after yourself

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Chloep98 · 10/08/2019 09:29

Hello, you're not on your own, we had a miscarriage this week, I'm trying my absolute hardest to be strong when we visit family and whatnot but as soon as we get home I just cry in my partners arms. My brother has a child and they want another one but it's kinda being rubbed in our faces at the moment and my best friend is trying for another, since I had the miscarriage she won't even speak to me. The best thing you can do is put your mental health before anything, I know that is easier said than done and I know it's hard but believe me, in the long run you'll thank yourself for it.
I really hope everything works out for you and I am sending all my love and support your way x

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morningsunrise · 11/08/2019 11:34

It sounds like you've been through hell recently so no wonder you're struggling with your mental health. It's hard enough dealing with MC's when you have the support of family and friends. I can only imagine what it's like with someone like your partner's sister in law adding salt to the wound. Frankly she sounds like an arse and it's not what you need right now. Friends aren't always the best at knowing what to say in these situations but it might be worth reaching out to the ones you know are better at listening. But if that's not an option, keep ranting away on here :-)

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Thumbellini · 11/08/2019 13:15

I really feel you on this, only a couple of my really close friends know and talk to me about it but even they have no clue what to say. In fact one recently got pregnant and jokingly offered to be a surrogate. Just fuck off thanks. I would avoid avoid avoid the sister in law. Just not worth it. There should be counselling available through the NHS. I was given a leaflet at my last 'just unlucky' appointment. I have just started to advocate more for myself, block delete avoid. Life is too short to be miserable all the time xx

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