Surgical management

[vvmummy]

I'm 14 weeks and 6 days and this afternoon I found out that my baby has no heartbeat. I've had some brown spotting, but no proper bleeding.
I've decided surgical management, however I dont really know what to expect.
Has anyone been through it who can offer some advice.
This is my 4th loss, however the others have all been before 7 weeks. The consultant has advised that they will look at the tissues removed to find out of there is any reason for the loses.
I'm numb. It's such a horrible feeling of emptiness.

to all x

So sorry. I also found out today that my baby's heartbeat had stopped following a massive bleed on Tuesday, and I am booked in for surgical management tomorrow.

I've been through both surgical management and expectant management in the past and surgery is 100 times easier in my opinion (hence why I've opted for it again tomorrow).

You'll probably be in and out within a few hours. The operation itself only takes about 10 minutes and you'll be given a general anaesthetic. When you wake up you may have some slight period pains and bleeding, but this will probably be only like a light period (although it may last for up to two weeks).

The one thing I wasn't expecting the first time I had this surgery was to wake up and find my tummy had gone completely flat and soft. It sounds really silly and obvious, but it kind of shocked me. I think I'd convinced myself that my tummy had got bigger due to all the eating I'd done as I'd been so hungry during pregnancy, so to see it looking immediately different was upsetting.

The remains of my pregnancy are also being taken for genetic testing and you've reminded me that I need to ask how long it will take for the results to come back. Write down any other questions you have to discuss with the surgeon when you're admitted because I guarantee you'll forgot them otherwise.

It's an emotional time and weird to think that your little baby is there when you fall asleep but gone when you wake up. Make sure you have lots of support and take it easy. It actually took me about three or four weeks to fully recover last time, mainly because I was exhausted and couldn't get through the day without falling asleep.

Miscarriage is a horrible experience. Take care

I'm so sorry OP.

I had the surgical management and it was the best choice. I just went to sleep and didn't know anything about it, no great physical pain after and i was home within a few hours. Look after yourself

So sorry. How upsetting and horrible for you. I have had a m.c at home and also a d&c and the d&c was better then the one I had at home. Not only was it incredibly painful, but it was very traumatic to see everything after.
Of course the hospital will be traumatising for you too. But you won't feel anything and you will have a knowledgeable medical team xxxx
Wishing you all love 💗

Thank you all

I'm going in for d&c on Monday. Was told if I didn't take that appointment there was not another slot until 14th August.
I've convinced myself that it's going to happen at home before then and I really dont want to have to deal with that.

I keep reliving the scan and watching my little motionless baby on the screen and the silence from the consultant. I keep hearing her say those horrific words, 'I'm so sorry but I cant see a heartbeat' I already knew but it was like a sledgehammer. I'd passed the worrying first 12 weeks. I just dont understand. And after 4 loses I feel I need answers.

My husband is devastated and feels guilty he wasnt able to come to scan too. Having to call him and tell him and then tell our two daughters is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I'm hopefully that in time, eventually, we will heal but it's all so raw. And so terribly terribly unfair

Xxx

@vvmummy I'm so sorry and you're right - it is so unfair. My amazing 6 year old daughter is the thing which keeps me going. The Miscarriage Association have a leaflet about explaining pregnancy loss to children, in case it's something you'd like to read.

I don't know if it helps you to know about my own experience of dealing with our 13 week loss with our daughter? You will probably be given the option as to what you would like to do with your baby's remains once the tests have been carried out. We opted to have them returned to us. Most funeral directors offer a free service for pregnancy/baby loss and our local funeral director was absolutely brilliant. They dealt with everything very sensitively for us and collected the remains from the hospital, put them into a small casket and delivered them to our house so we could bury them in the garden with our daughter. They also put an inscription on top of the casket and even had a small toy made personalised with the baby's name for our daughter to keep. This whole process helped massively and, two years later, our daughter still talks about the baby and know where it is buried.

My own surgery yesterday went well and I am so glad that I opted to have it again this time as it is definitely less traumatic than going through it at home.

Thinking of you. Take care of yourself xx