Crying. Where's the off switch?

[AwkwardPaws27]

I'm pretty sure it's at least partly hormonal, but I keep crying at the drop of a hat. Any advice for stopping this, or if you had it, when does it end?

Having surgical management of MMC tomorrow, and ended up bawling when they couldn't find a vein for blood tests. I'm dreading the cannula tomorrow...

I have this awful inner monologue that pops up ("failed at pregnancy, failed at miscarriage, and now you've failed at X" - x being making a decision, providing a vein for blood tests, switching the kettle on... You get the gist) that I'm really failing to switch off too.

I'm so sorry

I wish I had some magic words to make it all go away.

Mmc are the worst. Do you have someone to be with you tomorrow? Have they told you what will happen so you can be prepared?

I was in floods of tears for weeks. Are you having the erpc? I found that weirdly that helped as it gave some sort of closure. A end to the sadness and it helped me move on. I found I was in limbo up until then.

Take care of yourself. If you want to cry. Cry. Do whatever you need. It's hard to talk to people about it but if there's no one you can talk to in real life we're always here for you. I found more people than I realised had had miscarriage but just no one talked about it.

Big hugs

I'm fed up with DH saying we can try again (however well meaning).

I'm fed up with medical professionals saying there's no need to be sad as most people conceive again.

I AM sad and I don't think that's unreasonable but everyone around me seems to think so.

I’m sorry for your loss
I’m 15 years on from where you are now and while you will never really get “over” it you will get around it. You will in time find you’ve had a full day with no crying and then a week, a month and so on but there’s no set time how long that will take. You will take 1 step forwards and then 2 back but then 2 forwards and only 1 back.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and to be honest people who haven’t been through what you (we) have won’t understand and may even get a bit impatient but don’t feel you have to behave a certain way to please them, please yourself and do what you feel to be right.
Certain dates will be hard, I cry on my due date as well as on the date I lost my baby and I can imagine him(?) as a soon to be 15 year old now but my life is good and I have 2 great children so while I won’t ever forget him I have moved on
I have the teddy my mum bought when I told her I was pg and I doubt anyone else remembers the significance of it but I do and that’s all that matters. I also had a tree planted for my baby and every year I donate to a children’s hospice who light a candle too
Sending you xxx and feel free to keep posting, there are people on here who really do understand

I'm really sorry that you're going through this @AwkwardPaws27

For me the tears sprang quite often in the early days (mmc in April). I'd be in the supermarket and suddenly feel overwhelmed and couldn't stop the tears. I also noticed that when my period returned I could almost feel my hormones dropping and I'd literally have tears rolling down my face and I couldn't stop them.

Things are much better now, so it does get better, I promise. It has taken a while but I can't remember when I last cried. I do still have feelings of sadness and that running commentary that you have, I still get that at times. Quite intrusive at times.

Giving myself time and talking about it (I've been very open about the miscarriage) have definitely helped me.

I'm now in a better place. I've had a few counselling sessions and have recently started a yoga class which is very focused on healing and I really feel like I need that at the moment.

It is a grieving process and until I experienced my loss, I never really understood it. But I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself and trying to be kind to myself (it can be really hard though).

It's still very early days for you, but have belief that you will start to feel OK. There's no timeline on it but you will get there ❤️ Xx

Thank you for your kind words.
I think it doesn't help that I am bleeding quite a bit too (but they don't think it's enough), so I can't take my mind off it as I'm back and forth to the loo dealing with the physical side of things.
I just want it to be over.

QuickThinkOfAName they've called it "surgical management of miscarriage" which I think is an ERPC. I was just told it'll be a general anaesthetic and removal of what she called "baby products" (there's no baby, my stupid body just grew an empty sac) by suction.

:( I'm sorry @AwkwardPaws27. I think that once the physical side of things has passed that might feel easier. It's really difficult being in limbo. Hope all goes as well as it can tomorrow xx ❤️

I just wanted to wish you well for tomorrow. I went through this 5 years ago. It devastated me. One baby and 5 years later I still sometimes cry about it to myself. It’s a loss of something you really hoped for and you need to grieve.

People will say crappy, tactless things to you. People will say to just try again. You will berate yourself and beat yourself up. The hormones are utterly crap. But you will be okay, I promise you. Not the same okay as before but you will be okay xx

If you feel like crying then cry. Your body knows what it needs

I’m so sorry for your loss

Sending love @awkwardpaws27
Am 13 days post loss and either numb or sobbing at the drop of a hat.

I didn't end up having the surgery - I was admitted and in a backless gown & sexy (not) support stockings for several hours, but just before placing the cannula they decided to rescan me due to the amount I've been bleeding ( I had asked for a rescan on Monday but that doctor didn't think it sounded like enough bleeding - I have heavy painful periods anyway so I didn't feel it was a horrendous amount, but about 3x the first day of my period).

Turns out I'd naturally miscarried most of the RPOC since Saturday but had some left. They steered me towards medical management instead for the last of it, several hours later I got the pills (inserted and orally) and was allowed to go home.

I'm having some pretty strong cramping but manageable with co-drydamol, and have passed more clots so I'm hoping I'm nearly done. I feel much better, safer and more in control being at home. I'm still sad but I'm not dissolving into hysterical crying.

I feel your pain @AwkwardPaws27 I have just posted a thread about my story so far and I'm also feeling like I keep failing at things.. Emotions are high and I hope this will all be over soon and I can move on after my medical management of mmc.

Good luck x