Two late miscarriages - any hope?

[Leila000]

Just wondering if anyone has ever had two unexplained late (or late-ish) miscarriages and gone on to have a healthy baby?

My two losses were missed miscarriages at 20 weeks (don't know when baby died - somewhere around 14-16 weeks possibly) and at 12 weeks (Baby measured the correct size for just over 12 weeks, so had been alive and thriving right up until a couple of days before my scan). They both happened in the last 6 months. I also have a 3 year old daughter, and everything about her pregnancy was perfect, except for having to have an emergency c section. (So not sure if that could have caused any damage?)

I feel so hopeless now. Part of me feels like I'm just hardened to it now, so I may as well try again and just presume I'm going to lose it. Another part of me thinks I should just give up now, accept the one beautiful child I have and stop spending her childhood being sad/tired/pregnant and miserable. Deciding to get pregnant again is basically deciding to sacrifice my mental health for nine months.

The hospital are going to do investigations but I know it's likely that they won't provide us with any answers. Just looking for any similar stories with positive outcomes, or if anyone has been through similar and how they learnt to cope.

Hi, I wanted to reply to say how much your story resonates with me. I've just had a second missed miscarriage last week with surgery, and my first one was in March. Both earlier than yours, discovered in my second week of pregnancy but I just feel so vulnerable and lost right now. I too have a toddler and sort of assumed I'd go on to have another pregnancy and baby and all would be fine. I'm finding it so hard to think that we may not be able to have a second baby. All the clothes and baby bits have been carefully stored away, and they may not be used again. We haven't been offered any tests because they say I need to have 3 miscarriages to signal an issue. I'm 38 and my partner is 45 so time is running out for us. I know we will try again but I feel like it's inevitably going to end in tears again, I can't feel positive about it. Have you considered any counselling? I'm wondering whether to call a local pregnancy loss charity. I'm so sorry you're going through this too, my heart goes out to you.

Thank you for your response and I’m so sorry to hear about your losses - it’s so ridiculously painful even at an early stage. (I had a chemical pregnancy too which was heartbreaking even though I’d only been pregnant for one day!!)

I know what you mean about the room full of baby stuff. We moved to a bigger house when I was pregnant with the first baby I lost. There’s a big empty bedroom full of baby things, including a double buggy, and I just find it so hard to go in there. If we never have another child I don’t know what we’ll do with that room because every alternative just seems so sad.

I have definitely considered counselling but haven’t been brave enough yet to ask for a referral. I’ve been attending a baby loss support group where I met some amazing people, and I always come away feeling really good after spending time with people who have been through similar, BUT the negative about this is that knowing all their stories has made me hyper aware of all the things that can go wrong at any stage of pregnancy, so that’s made my anxiety even worse.

Ive had a rubbish day today and not been a patient mum with my toddler. There have been lots of tears from both of us, and it just makes me think that for her sake I can’t go through this pain again.

I've had two miscarriages and now have a healthy little girl, don't loose hope, sfyl