Time off work

[Masha31]

I know there are a few previous posts about this from a while ago but I just wondered how long you have taken off work after miscarriage? In an ideal world I'd like to stay off for a few weeks.

I feel that there can be a bit of a 'suck it up and get on with it' (Not from MN by the way) and 'I didn't take time off' theme to some previous threads of this nature. Now don't get me wrong, if you went back to work straight away then that's fine but I just really can't face going back. I think it's because I had already put things in place to account for me not being able to run around at work like I would normally do.

I feel so sad all the time, my miscarriage occupies my mind all day and I am longing for something I will never get back. I can't think how I'm going to go concentrate at work or do my job properly. I've stopped crying as much but still feel shitty. Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a whinge.

Firstly, so sorry for your loss.

Everyone is different. But for me, I took a week off, whilst the miscarriage was happening. I couldn't have possibly worked as it was so painful. I also had appointments to get to

I then felt it was better to get back to normal.
At home I would have dwelled. I didn't stop thinking about it at work believe me, but I would have found it harder to sit around at home

I have been off for 3 weeks this time. I called in sick the day the bleeding started (knowing it was the start of the mc) and only got the all clear and op cancelled last week. I couldn't have faced work in between. Everyone is different and it's important to take the time you need. I have felt better in myself once I've gone back to work each time as it's a distraction if nothing else. Are your work supportive OP? Could you do a phased return or work from home to start with? It might also be helpful to look into counselling to help with the emotional side of it, it's such a horrible thing to go through

I think everyone is different. Both times I've only taken a few days off. Looking back I should have taken more time the first time but I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell work so felt I couldn't make up an illness. This time I worked from home also but found the quietness at home hard. Even though it's over now (it was last week) I've booked time off work this week just to have time to do stuff, I think that will help.

I had many miscarriages and never took a single day off. I was a total idiot. I've recently had DD and am undergoing counselling for ptsd and anxiety. My lack of processing and grieving after those miscarriages is a huge factor. On one occasion I went from hospital straight to office.

Take the time, as long as you need, be kind to yourself.

Thanks for your comments.

@moomin11 Yes work have been supportive (my line manager said o could take as long as I wanted) but I can't help but think they'll think I'm taking the piss if I take any more off but that's just me over worrying.

That's good that your work are being supportive, you should take as much time as you need. I feel guilty as I had a few weeks off after Christmas due to a miscarriage and now here I am again. But it's not as if we chose to be going through this.

@VaggieMight I always try to think what I'd think if someone was in my shoes and of course I would want them to be ok. I'm just a serial worryer (Not sure that's a word!?) I'm going to a pregnacy loss group on Thursday that was recommend by the Miscarriage Association so I'm hopeful that will help. Xx

So sorry for your loss.

I had two weeks off work when I lost our baby. It was an automatic sick note given by the nurse at the hospital and I was immensely grateful for not having to make the decision of how long to have off.

In hindsight, I wish I would have taken longer off, but like you I was worried that people would think I was taking the piss.

Now almost 9 months later, everyone has forgotten that I was even off. Don't worry about what others think. You take the time you need! I have the same advice to another girl at work who was in the same situation and she had 4 weeks off and came back to work in a much better mind frame than me.

Hope you start feeling more like yourself soon - it is such an awful thing to have to go through xx

Sorry for your loss.

Iv just found out iv had a miscarriage and the midwife said she advised me to take 1-2 weeks off.

Im on holiday from work in 10 days time so they gave me a line to cover that.

Take as much time off as you need to

Hello,

So sorry for your loss, I too am experiencing your pain after miscarrying while on holiday last week. I’m going to take the time I need and make no decisions for now.

You are much more important than a job x

@F636 I'm so sorry to hear that, I really am.

Thank you for your kind words xxx

I’m very sorry for your loss. It does get easier with time, but it’s important to allow yourself the time to grieve too.
I had 2.5 weeks off work. My doctor offered to sign me off for an additional week but I declined as felt I would be better back at work. I then had a phased return over a month where I slowly increased my hours back to full time- my work we’re extremely supportive, I feel lucky.

I used to be a perfectionist and thought of myself that I'm tough and can handle stuff fairly quickly. I thought I'd have few days off after my MC and come back to work. But my outlook has changed completely. I took 2 weeks off (sick note) and I still didn't feel ready so I asked my GP for 2 more days. She said "are you sure you don't want more?" and I said that would be fine. I felt a million times better after these 2 days. Glad I returned when I did although keeping up appearances in a professional environment still isn't easy. I also thought "what if people judge me or think it's too long". And you know what people in eotk told me, men as well - that they were amazed I was so strong and came back already. Every single person said that, snd they meant it.

So take as much time as it feels right for you. You need strength to get ready, leave the house, face the world and work a full day, every day. You'll feel drained at the beginning. Absolutely put yourself first for however long is needed and do not rush ❤️

Sending you much love ❤️X

Sorry for your loss. Don’t rush back, it’s such a difficult thing to heal from and the mental scars run much deeper than the physical. I had a supportive manager and took 3 weeks in total, I’m really glad I did. It does get easier to cope with but it’s a slow process. Talk talk talk is my advice. Pretending you’re ok is counterproductive. You need to cry and grieve for your loss. Talking to others that have been through it helped me lots, a lot of people underestimate how hard it is.

Really appreciate your response. I’m a senior manager and responsible for 100 staff, I just can’t imagine returning to work right now, I’m broken 😥

Sorry you’re going through this.
Me:3 weeks roughly and got signed off by GP

The first time I took almost two weeks off. The second time unfortunately I was three weeks into a new job and felt I couldn't really go off for as long as I'd been there, and took just the single day when I went to the hospital: I know this wasn't the best approach, but it's the only one I felt I could take at the time. I hate seeing threads with "I worked through it why can't you" type comments: everyone is different and take as long as you need.

Girls, honestly, as much as I hate statistics (don't we all now...) after hearing the "1 in 4" or "1 in 3" every day in relation to my miscarriage, I read statistics that really shook me, which show that anything between 25% and 45% of us are likely to go through PTSD, up to 50% might feel they want to die and up to 70% may have serious mental health issues long term. I'm not saying this to be a fear monger. I'm saying this because we need to talk about this, this has to stop being a taboo. And most importantly, we have to be kind to ourselves, whatever it takes. Our lives and wellbeing are more important than anything else, so please put yourselves first and try to reach your balance best you can before you throw yourselves back into it. Much love ❤️❤️❤️

I'm going back on Wednesday and will have had 4 weeks and 2 days off work (the first week was a "holiday' week). Im glad I took longer than I originally planned. It's all still so raw but a few of my colleagues now know why I've bee off so I don't have to pretend that 'I've just been off ill'. Love to you all

That is such a good point @MrsMGE and I don't feel that that side of pregnancy loss is talked about anywhere near enough. I ended up on anti depressants after my 4th loss, it really affected me. It's so important to look after your mental health.

Thanks @moomin11, I completely agree.

I'm not having a good day today, really struggling in work and in general. It's not so much the work itself, but I just have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and I can't do anything about it 😔 I can't sleep very well either. I really don't know if this ever gets better tbh, despite all my strength and positivity, I'm feeling really down and defeated at the moment.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've had 6 weeks off in total. I have just been signed off for another 4 weeks as I am suffering from PTSD following the trauma of mine. I went back to work after a week and a bit but I was definitely not ready. Don't push yourself. Your employer and your doctor should understand that the process isn't the same for everyone. Don't be so hard on yourself, take as much time as you need x