I just want to gauge if my experience is common or if it’s something I should complain about because my experience in the past few weeks has left me more traumatised than learning I was having a silent miscarriage and I feel I should do something about it but not sure how to go about this? Any help is really appreciated 
Me and my boyfriend accidentally became pregnant during a contraception change and although it’s not what we planned or wanted, it didn’t take long to fall in love with the idea of having a baby and as you all know, our hearts were set on what was happening to us pretty quickly.
I initially felt anxious because 5 years ago when i was just 20 years old, pre-boyfriend I’d fallen pregnant unplanned but due to being alone and not being in a good position mentally to try to have the baby I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy at 6 weeks, to my surprise I had a lovely experience with BPAS who carried out a surgical termination and I recovered after 1 day it made a difficult time easier... so I’m going off track but basically after the abortion I always worried that if I lost my first pregnancy that I was going through with after that experience, if I lost it I would feel it was some kind of karma for my decision when I was younger. Silly I know but, it’s how I think I guess. 
Low and behold.. that’s what happened. I was 9 weeks pregnant based on my last period but knew I was earlier than that and I was kind of worried that I didn’t feel pregnant enough, this was 3-4 weeks ago, so I paid for an early private scan and they said i was only measuring 5-6 weeks and no heartbeat. I panicked and assumed the worst but tried to stay hopeful. Referred to the EPU at the hospital 1 week later.. no heartbeat, only measuring 5-6 weeks and embryo measuring under expected. When back a week later.. no heart beat, confirmed miscarriage.
The worst thing is my body wasn’t working correctly, it didn’t know the baby wasn’t working out, I was having a missed miscarriage and so frustrated because I just wanted my body to sort itself out I didn’t want treatment.
But I wanted to get back to my normal life and back to work as soon as I could so based on how positive my experience with D&C at my previous termination was I chose D&C this time too which I realised is hard because I felt as though I was having another abortion which I swore to myself the next time I became pregnant I’d make up for last time and keep it and do right by it and felt that I was forced to repeat history so yeah, it started off hard with the treatment decision but I put a brave face on.
This is when NHS started letting me down. So miscarriage treatment at my hospital is a “WALK IN” service?? I was shocked. So I show up first thing in the morning the next day anxiously waiting this horrible day to be over. I’m poked and prodded as expected, bloods taken, fasting since midnight, comfy clothes, temperature weight height all that jazz, okay fine.
I’m then shoved into a room with an air bed and a chair and I am told excuse after excuse as to why I’m waiting so long... 7 hours later of sitting in this room crying and losing my mind and basically demanding not to be sent away to return the next day as they suggested, the surgeon comes in and tries to convince me to take medication to induce miscarriage and go home. He advises “it’s just like a period you will lose just a tiny piece of tissue if you’re just 7 weeks pregnant” wow... I’m no doctor but i know and I have researched enough to know I will not just lose a little bit of tissue so straight away I’m angry and I refuse and say I’ve chosen the treatment I want and he basically walks out. Im taken to theatre, finally, surgery seems to have gone great the nurses confirmed. Some bleeding and cramping but nothing bad.. I wait a few hours in recovery and finally go home expecting to mentally recover and look to the future of trying for a baby some time soon.
But no, of course it wasn’t that easy.
2 days later, I wake up with pain it’s different to cramp so I know somethings not right. Later in the day I get this awful headache, a few hours later I quickly come down with the worst fever I’ve ever felt. I had all the flu symptoms I was genuinely worried I’d got sepsis or another terrible infection, my body was red hot and my whole body ached and feared the worst. I called 111 and explain the whole story, was given an emergency GP appointment (ofcourse it’s sunday evening by this point) and a few hours later the GP confirmed I have an infection.. fantastic.
Just before he was about to give me oral antibiotics and send me home I am called up back to the ward I was at a couple days previous to be checked. Worried now, I never wanted to see that place again as it was. They repeat the same poking and prodding as the GP already had but, okay that’s fine. Yes, you have an infection.. okay? We’re keeping you in for the night on antibiotics and fluids.
Devastated I was back in my room reliving that day but worse now but I tried to grin and bare it for my own good as I was clearly seriously ill but why? How did I get an infection?
I’m given the medication on a drip over night and feel much better by morning, no flu like symptoms. I get sent for a scan the next afternoon so another day of waiting for a 5 minute scan.. was sent this time to the main scanning room where there’s a room of pregnant women rubbing their bellies waiting for their scans as I’m there, no bump, hospital stockings on looking like death going in for a scan like that wasn’t torture enough. I was then told there was pregnancy tissue left in my uterus. Ugh. The last thing I wanted to hear, am I even pregnant? This is horrific. The sonographer turned the screen so I couldn’t see and I feared for the worst.
Back to my room where I was told a doctor would come to see me. SIX HOURS LATER, the doctor comes after I’ve asked for them 4-5 times. She tells me I need medical treatment, you know the treatment I wanted to avoid by having the surgery? Just give me it so I can get this done and go home! She inserts the tablets and I’m told I need to stay over night for more antibiotics and to monitor the tissue loss. Another punch in the ovaries for a very distressed and upset 25 year old, but fine.
There I lay all night in pain, though I was given pain relief and told to lay on basically a puppy pad with net knickers on and a big pad between my legs and wait.
I fall asleep and in the middle of the night I’m woken up for observations and I go to the toilet. I have to take toilet pans with me and wee into them so the nurse can monitor the tissue which I was okay with,
This was the hardest part.
At no point was I told how much tissue was left or what they saw on the scan other than “products of conception” I assumed just womb lining. I pass a load of blood, red tissue stuff and a little skin colour blob I can see floating around.
I pick it out and inspect it out of curiosity.
It’s my baby!!
A tiny little thing, bigger than they measured on my scan (the equipment is so old here), I see the umbilical cord forming, their little head and C shaped body and little tail. It must be under developed when i compare to other embryo’s at week 7 so I see why there’s no heart beat but no body told me there was an embryo left in there. I’m heart broken, after being so strong this whole time this just tipped me over the edge.
How did a surgeon not see in the tissue there was no embryo? How come they don’t scan you before you go home? How can anyone be allowed to go through this? Is this normal?
It’s day 2 in the hospital the day after I passed my baby into a toilet on my own.
The next nurses on shift came in and I buzzed in one of my toilet pans, she says “are we testing this or monitoring it?” I said, the last nurse said monitoring.. she said “oh okay I’ll ask someone before i throw it away then”
GOBSMACKED. Did the previous nurse throw my baby away??? When I had the surgery I was told my pregnancy would be cremated that month and ashes spread in a cemetery nearby. But now because of the surgeon not doing his job my baby’s been thrown away?
I’m currently on my wait for the doctor to see if I can finally go home and I don’t know how I haven’t completely lost it. I’ve been waiting 2 hours just for water. I’m scared to death of thinking about getting pregnant again I don’t want to be in this situation ever again :(
I’m so sorry for the huge post. Has anyone else had an experience like this or knows how I go about getting this feedback to the NHS? I’ve been dealt with like a patient with an illness.. not going through the loss of the hopes and dreams I had built up for my baby, planned or not.
Any advice would be very very appreciated.