This is part of a document I am still working on that is in progress for the small charity 'Little Baby & Co' regarding parents options for when a baby is born still under 20 weeks. Little Baby & Co's website can be found here. littlebabyandco.com/about/
Funeral choices following a hospital delivery of a baby born still before 24 weeks.
Almost every hospital can arrange for a cremation. This is almost always shared with other babies if your baby is born under 24 weeks. Some families find it a comfort to know their little baby is with other babies. Some will prefer to organise their own funeral. The cremation committal is officiated by a hospital chaplain. The hospital can provide you with the Chaplains contact details if you would find it helpful to talk to them. Hospital Chaplains are there for families of all faiths and none.
With a hospital organised funeral, the cremation is authorised by the hospital. This should be following your decision and consent. Your baby will remain at the hospital in a safe and secure place until the cremation has been organised. This may take up to 12 weeks after your baby has been delivered. Details of parents, especially of the mother, will remain confidential and are not provided to the crematorium. The cremation should be recorded by a reference number. This is to enable any future enquiries if you wish to know where your babies’ ashes have either been scattered or interred -depending on the hospitals agreed practice with local council provision.
If you opt for a hospital cremation you will not be able to have any ashes to keep. The joint ashes are scattered. Where possible this is in an area set aside specially for babies and young children or, depending on the agreement the hospital has with the local council, may then buried in a baby section of a Cemetery.
If you wish for a hospital cremation for your baby or babies, please talk to the Midwife or the Bereavement Midwife. They will do their very best to answer any questions you have.
It is possible to view the location where ashes have been scattered although you will not be able to place a personal memorial to your baby. Some parents create a special place to remember in their own garden or create a memory shelf for their baby instead. A few crematoria can offer a tiny name plague but please be aware that this is often not available for a hospital cremation of a baby born still before 23 weeks.
Individual cremation
You can organise a cremation yourself. Please talk to the hospital bereavement team. They will be able to provide the paperwork you need before you contact a funeral director of your choice. You will require a medical certificate to authorise the cremation and confirm the pregnancy loss if under 24 weeks. This is often supplied by the Midwife at the hospital. If your little baby was delivered at home contact your GP for further help with the necessary paperwork.
Whilst every effort will be made to recover ashes following a cremation, on rare occasions, particularly with a cremation following early pregnancy loss, the recovery of ashes may not be possible. Please speak with your chosen funeral director. They will be able to advise you further about the possibility of being able to collect any ashes from your baby.
If you choose to organise an individual cremation the hospital will be unable to contribute to the funeral cost, however many funeral directors make a nominal charge or do not charge for their services to a family in this sad situation. There will still be additional costs relating to the cremation committal – your chosen funeral director will be able to advise you on any necessary legal fees that must be covered.
A suitable sized simple babies coffin will be provided for your baby by the funeral director. If you wish to pay for something special for your baby, you can talk to your funeral directors and they will be able to advise as to what is allowable for a cremation committal
Individual burial
You can organise a burial for your baby at a cemetery or in a graveyard, but you will need to obtain the service of a funeral director of your choice to assist you to do so. Please check you understand the by-laws of the cemetery or graveyard before committing to bury your baby there. There can be strict policies as to what is and is not allowed on a grave as well as what type of monument/headstone you can put in place. Again, the funeral director will be able to guide you as to what is allowed at various burial places for your baby. Please be aware that whilst most funeral directors will provide their services for free a burial plot even for a baby is often costly.
You will be required to produce a medical certificate to authorise the burial and confirm the pregnancy loss of a baby born under 24 weeks gestation. You can obtain this from the Midwife at the hospital. If your little baby was delivered at home contact your GP for further help with the necessary paperwork.
The hospital will NOT be able to contribute to the costs relating to an individual burial; again, your chosen funeral director will be able to advise you on any necessary fees that need to be covered.
A suitable sized simple babies coffin will be provided for your baby by the funeral director. If you wish to pay for something special for your baby, you can talk to your funeral directors and they will be able to advise as to what is allowable for a burial committal at the burial site you wish to use.
Legal requirements for a private burial on your own land.
Please note if you rent your home or it is leasehold you cannot bury your baby in your garden without the express written permission of the landowner.
Some parents in this situation choose to bury their baby in a large plant pot that they can take with them to a new home.
If your baby was born still under 24 weeks of pregnancy.
There is no legal requirement to involve either the registrar or coroner with a home burial. IF your baby was born alive and died soon after birth please speak with the hospital. They will be able to advise you on what you need to do before you can bury your baby legally.
Your baby must be in a sealed container with no risk of any bodily fluid leaking into groundwater, surface water, water courses or adjoining land. Please speak to a funeral director about suitable caskets for this purpose.
The container must be buried to a depth of at least 18 inches (45cm) IF you live in an area frequented by wildlife, we advise you to bury your baby at least 36 inches or 90cm down to be on the safe side.
Please think very carefully about how you will feel if you do choose to move to a new house later. Many parents who think they may move opt for a committal in a large plant pot they can take with them.