5 months on still struggling to cope

[dogmama]

Hi there, the is the first time I've posted anything as I'm at a bit of a loss. I feel quite depressed after a natural, messy exhausting mmc in January (baby had died at 8.5 weeks, I was 11 weeks into pregnancy). Obviously I was devastated, I'm 37 and had waited quite a long time. My husband is 40 and has a 12year old child. This prompted him to spend more time with his son. I miscarried when I was 24 (albeit relieved that time as I was in a very different place). I'm trying to stay positive but fear it's not going to happen for us. I feel sad and stressed all the time, I don't want to keep burdening my friends and my husband doesn't know how to comfort me, though he is trying and I feel lucky to have him. I suppose I'm just looking to see how others got through this. People keep asking when we're going to have a baby - I've started telling the truth now as I was sick of hiding it to save someone else's embarrassment - it's noone's business but ours! I just feel so angry and hard done by, I'm trying to stay positive and focus on all the things to be grateful for but it's hard. Thanks for reading.

So sorry to hear your sad news. I lost a baby at 15 weeks in October last year and felt utterly devastated. There are times still I think about it a lot but what I found was bottling up the feelings is the worst thing to do. If even feeling like talking to friends or family is too hard, which has always been a struggle in my case there are other forms of support. I had spoken with a Councillor and it did the world of good. It doesn't take the pain of it away but it does ease your burden letting your emotions come out. I also planted a small tree out in our garden as your baby will never be forgotten and kept in your hearts. I found that helped a lot too. As for people going on about kids you are right it is definitely only your and your husbands business. Try and focus on the good things, and things will work out and it will happen. Another good thing with stress try some calming therapies there are a lot of these online which are good, relaxing techniques like yoga. I am now just hitting week 15 the second time around and it has been an anxious time, but take each day as it comes, you will get there, and it sounds like you have a good support system in your husband x

Thank you Susie for your reply, it's really comforting to know that I'm not going mad and that this is all part of the process. So happy to hear that you are expecting again, I wish you all the best for this pregnancy.

Tree is a good idea, we were gifted one for our wedding, we don't have a garden but there's a beautiful spot we know off and might do that this weekend. All the best x

Not a problem at all, most definitely not going mad, it's normal. I am still saddened, but you will get through it, just do it at your own pace, there is no right or wrong way or timescale for anyone's grief. That sounds like a nice idea, a little symbol of remembrance. And thank you! x