Period not returning after stillbirth

[Inmyynewnormal]

Hi all, I lost my little boy at 40 + 4 weeks 10 weeks ago. I had a sweep at 40 + 4 and starting getting signs of labour before heading to bed. I woke up to no labour and through the day realised I wasn’t feeling movement. The hospital told us our son had passed away.
It has been devastating beyond belief. I don’t quite know how I’ve made it through the last two months. We are due to get the PM results on Mon. We told ourselves we would wait to TTC until we had answers. Regardless, we started trying a few weeks ago. My period hasn’t come back yet but the hospital told us we could try again before that happened. I had a natural birth which was actually problem free despite the tragic outcome.
No baby could replace our gorgeous little boy but we desperately need a child in our lives. It’s the only thing keeping my DH and I going through this horrendous time.
I am now growing increasingly anxious that my period hasn’t returned and am terrified of the prospect of secondary infertility. I’m 36 and feel like I don’t have the luxury of time. We had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks on our first try but had gotten pregnant quite quickly. After my D&C it took 8 weeks for my period to return and then we conceived our son again almost immediately.
Can anyone please offer their experiences of this and if it took longer to get their period back than expected? Need some hope.
PS I’m surprised mumsnet doesn’t offer a stillbirth or neonatal death thread. Miscarriage is devastating and I have been there but this is something else entirely and it would be good to shaw in other mums experiences. It happens 17 times a day in the U.K. after all.

So sorry for your loss 💐 thinking of you xxxx

Sorry for your loss. This is probably a stupid question but have you done a pregnancy test in case you conceived the first time you ovulated?

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a baby (my first) at full term when I was 37, and also really wished there had been a stillbirth / neonatal loss section on Mumsnet, as it is a very different thing from miscarriage (I had a few of those, too). My periods didn’t return for 12 weeks after I lost my daughter. It felt like an eternity. It takes longer than after a miscarriage. Waiting is the absolute worst, when you are grieving and still in some shock and wondering whether it means something is wrong. But be assured that it does take a while, and that is normal, if incredibly frustrating. Thinking of you and your DH and sending comfort.

Sorry I should have said. I’ve done a PT each week as if we’re lucky enough to fall pregnant I have no idea where I am in my cycle otherwise and want to be 100% on dates. 3 x BFNs so far.

Thanks for your replies and well wishes. that’s a comfort to know, thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss too. I hope you’ve found peace xx

Hi @Inmyynewnormal
I am so sorry for the loss of your darling boy. I am also a member of this shitty club. I agree that a section of the site specifically for later losses/ stillbirths would be good. I also suffered miscarriages and agree that they are different things. And I found the miscarriage section incredibly helpful when that was what I was experiencing but not so much when I lost my daughter.
Anyway I hope you are keeping as well as you can and that you have support in real life. Please talk about your boy here if that helps at all. What did you name him? What did he weigh? Did he look more like your partner or you?
Like @BipBippadotta my period took around 11/12 weeks to come back - I was so worried but then one day it just arrived. And that was a complete head fuck - I didn't cope well with my body deciding that it was ready again. But that's my story not yours.
There is no perfect timing - you just have to go with what feels right for you both. All the best.

Thanks Miami81.
I am so sorry you know the pain of this too. Thanks so much for asking those questions. My boy is Milo and he was 7lbs 2oz. He looked exactly like me in the face but had his daddy’s body with long elegant fingers. I hephews all blonde and he was the first brunette with a lot of dark hair .
My period returned yesterday! With a vengeance. It coincided with us getting the PM results so I wonder if it was the stress of that contributing.
We were told the placenta wasn’t working efficiently in the last couple of weeks and ultimately failed him, otherwise he was perfect. Hard to live with the fact that had he been born when he was due things would be so different now.
What was your baby’s name? Xx

That should be “I have 5 nephews”

Hi @Inmyynewnormal I am sorry I haven't been on mn all week.
My baby is called Eilidh. Like you it turned out that her placenta hadn't developed well and they think a clot developed which caused her death.
Your boy sounds beautiful beyond words and what a gorgeous name.
We have since had another baby girl and the pregnancy and the decision to try again were so hard. If you decide to try again my only advice is to try and get your support network set up beforehand. We saw a counsellor every week as a couple, we had a preconception meeting with our consultant and she set out exactly how we would be supported going forward.
How do you feel about the PM results? I found it helped me a lot to know that there was a definite reason, I know lots of people don't get any diagnosis, which must be so hard.

Eilidh is also a beautiful name! Thank you for the advice and congratulations on your two girls. We have felt that the counselling options have been limited here in Scotland. I don’t know where you’re based. We started attending a local SANDS group but have only had one meeting so far. The consultant went through what to expect for another pregnancy when we met and they go above and beyond to ensure your anxiety is dealt with. I’m sure you understand, and it seems to be the typical response, that we need a baby in our lives. Even though no child will replace our lovely Milo, our arms, my body and even our house is longing for it. That’s despite knowing it will be TERRIFYING. It’s also not fun for any mum who’s just given birth to have to be pregnant so quickly after without getting proper time to recover.

@Inmyynewnormal we are also Scotland. Our local SANDS group is the lothians one. If you are this area and cared for at Simpson's please pm me and I can talk you through exactly the care we received and how we organised it all.