Hi all,
I am new to mumsnet - stumbled upon this site when googling for information last week. Apologies in advance for a lengthy post but I need a place whereby I can share my feelings and what I’m going through right now.
I have 2 beautiful girls (9, 5) and my hubby always wanted a boy as he feels being outnumbered by us girls at home. We had casual chats every now and then for past few years to have another one and I always brushed him off because of my age (will turn big 40 next month).
I found out that I was pregnant last Oct (at age 39) - not planned at all and needless to say, hubby was super thrilled. Both of us took it for granted that it was so easy peasy for me (from conceiving to giving birth from my past two experiences) - boy, how wrong we were. Ultrasound at w6 showed only empty sac with light spotting and at w8 when I returned for another ultrasound, I was cramping and bleeding - I just knew it that it happened. Doctor confirmed the early miscarriage and I was devastated. I was extremely heartbroken and took me weeks to recover. With this experience, it striked me that I really want another baby as well. That’s where the crazy ttc process started within me - I was obsessed with tracking my ovulation, cervical mucus, etc. for few months until having sex became unenjoyable chore for us rather than fun. I stopped this madness in March as I was giving us too much pressure.
And just like that, I found out that I was pregnant again in Apr - happily surprised and also being extra careful with my diet, no caffeine intake, stopped yoga, etc. I also stopped from being obsessed in checking whether I have any sign of spotting/ blood. At w6 of ultrasound scan, doctor saw a foetus inside a sac but can’t see the fetal pole well and measuring only at w5+. I was asked to come back in 10 days to confirm heartbeat. Fast forward to that day, ultrasound scan showed slightly enlarged sac and foetus growth was not according to w7. Worst still, very faint line of fetal pole and no heartbeat detected. I was diagnosed with blighted ovum and advised to go for second opinion. Another doctor confirmed same thing - high chance due to abnormal chromosomes. If I may just be honest to myself, I stopped having that pregnancy feeling that week. Am currently waiting for it to go naturally - sad but not as upset as the first miscarriage but I feel jealous at the sight of a pregnant woman until I looked away whenever I saw one near me.
My hubby asked whether we will have a successful pregnancy in future? My doctor said ivf is the only solution for us due to my age. Second doctor comforted us by saying nothing to do with our health, just the probability of having not so good egg quality is higher now.
To all ladies here, should I still try and have high hopes? Hitting 40 next month is making me feel that time is ticking against me. I am even considering taking Blackmores conceive well (coq10, folic acid, dha), stop coffee, restart yoga, etc. but the thought of it might happen again to me is driving me nuts. I’m just feeling hopeless and it’s just torturing me. Should I just give up?
Any advice ladies?
Again sorry for the super lengthy post - I just have no one to talk to about it besides to my hubby (don’t feel like sharing with my girlfriends and family - my heart at the moment just don’t want to do that).