Advice on Partner please

[Kjon38]

Hello, I have been for my first early scan today as I have suffered some heavy bleeding and the doctors have diagnosed that my baby is only 3.5mm and has no detectable heartbeat, they suspect that I am suffering a miscarriage and have asked me to come back in a week to confirm with another scan. I have been advised that I will likely miscarry in full over the next few days. My partner has a long weekend away booked in Spain with his work and is still intending on going as he feels bad letting the company down. I am not sure whether I should feel let down or whether him going is a natural thing for a partner to do when at the moment we have no news and I am bleeding heavily but in no pain...any opinions would be welcomed as I’m not sure if crazy hormones are affecting my judgement xx

There's no way my partner would
Go away knowing what you have been informed is going to happen....

I feel for you I really do.. it's the most upsetting and distressing time and you need him with you ... it's his child too ?

I can't believe he would even think of going at a time like this..

If he does go I would probably end up resenting him

I'm sorry OP
How far along were you if you don't mind me asking?
I've had 4 miscarriages and not wanted my DH home when I did any of them. My mum came for the first one but I was 12 weeks and it was awful. The others were around 5/6/7 weeks and I managed on my own.
It's completely up to you whether you want him there? I just didn't want my DH to see me in such a state/mess/dealing with the blood etc (he cringes when periods are discussed!) I wanted to scream and cry and be a mess and concentrate on myself without worrying about him as there is absolutely nothing he can do for you - I would have him telephone/text every 30mins though on the day I knew would be the hardest one in case something serious happened x

On the flipside my DH was always at work on those days - if he was on a "jolly" somewhere abroad I might have felt differently about him not being there!

Gosh, how hard. I know if my OH had any choice in the matter he wouldn’t leave me in this situation, but at the same time his job does mean that if we were unfortunate enough to go through something similar while he was due on call he’d still have to go to work. It’s happened to coworkers of his, wife miscarrying yet still told they can’t have even a half day off. But it’s different to someone going away as at least he’d be home on the evenings and overnight.

Do you think it’s the grief and shock for him and he’s just trying to carry on as normal as it hasn’t sunk in? Have you told him straight you want him with you? How non negotiable is this trip?

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my baby 31st March, mother's day. If my partner had told me he was still going to go away whilst I was going through that.... I don't think I could of been responsible for my actions!!!

I understand he may want to grieve in his own way and maybe get on with things, but his first thought should be you and what you body is going as well as your mind and heart.

I would definitely talk to him and tell him how you feel, whether you want him with you. T x