Feeling so sad and back at work today

[liveinhope100]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to share how I feel with other ladies that hopefully understand and can offer some support.

After a year of ttc I got my BFP, I guess I shouldn't have just assumed everything would be okay and start planning the next 9 months because within just over a week later i was bleeding and no longer pregnant. Such a devastating time :(

This is the second chemical pregnancy I've had. The last one was a few years ago which I put down to bad luck. Now I just feel all over the place. I could take me another year or longer to conceive again and the same thing could happen again. Just feel so lost right now. I work in a male orientated environment as well so really don't have anyone to talk to.

Would be nice to hear from others and how they coped and if anyone can give me any positive success stories after experiencing a loss.

Thank you

I'm sorry to hear your experience @liveinhope100

I had my bfp in February after 16 months ttc, so like you was so excited and planning for the future. Unfortunately I had a long drawn out miscarriage, I was 9+4 weeks when it was confirmed as complete.

I'm trying to take each day as it comes. Some days are better than others and it's been 3 weeks now and I am starting to feel a bit less emotional.

I've been referred for counselling so hope to start that soon.

I've read a lot of positive stories after loss, so believe there is hope. I'm on a thread in the conception board that's for people who've had miscarriages and are ttc again. I dip in and out of that but maybe read and see you're not alone.

It is the worst thing that's ever happened and I'm trying to accept that I will feel upset and allowing it to happen if I feel like crying.

Have you told anyone at work? My work have been really great and I'm glad as it's been tough trying to do normal things. Try to take regular breaks and be kind to yourself xx

@VenusStarr Thank you so much for your reply. It does help hearing from others that have been in a similar situation. I'm so sorry for your loss but i'm glad to hear you are starting to feel better.

All my bosses are male so I wasn't expecting a sensitive reaction but I did one of them what happened and he has been quite supportive so that's good. I guess it will just take me time to get over it and start feeling positive again.

Will also look into joining that forum for people ttc after a miscarriage, thank you again for all your advice xxx

Aw i'm so sorry. I did the same on both my miscarraiges i started planning the next 9 months and got caught up. no one expects things to go wrong. Do join that forum its v good.

We got our first bfp after 20 cycles then I miscarried at 7 weeks. I was gutted, had a month off work and was upset every period I got after that.
We were lucky in that I conceived again 4 cycles later and now have a bonny 4-month-old. I didn't tell anyone at work about this miscarriage until I was 12 weeks pregnant the second time (apart from management and HR who has to know).

All I can say is to take one day at a time, look after yourself and talk to people when you're ready. I found at first I didn't want to tell anyone but a month or two later I was ready to let friends know what I'd suffered as I felt I needed their support then.

It may seem right now like life is not going to go your way but things do improve, I promise. Don't beat yourself up for getting back into life slowly. Good luck x

Thank you @Luxembourgmama and I'm so sorry for your losses.

@SoozC 20 cycles ttc and then a miscarriage really must have been so hard. I remember thinking... Thank God i don't have to go through that ttc again for a long time, how wrong was i. So glad you have a lovely 4 month old now, really nice to hear stories like this after such a difficult journey.

Did any of you do any tests to find out why you miscarried? Did you get progesterone checked? I feel like i'm obsessing about trying to find out why it happened when maybe I should just hope it's down to bad luck. I was even thinking of taking baby aspirin going forward just incase I get another BFP as I heard this can help.

I had 2 mc before dd. First completed naturally. 2nd was more complicated.

As a result of the treatment I needed for the 2nd I had endo DX & treated which may have helped.

However I also did a lot of research into causes of mc and as a result decided certain things I would do to try and reduce the risk of another as much as possible. However, I've been flamed before for mentioning them but happy to discuss by pm if you wish, also things friends of mine have done.

Hi @Graphista thank you for your message and sorry for your losses. I would definitely like to hear about any ways to reduce it, will send you a private message now

I am just recovering from a ERPC for my 4th MC and already dreading work. I love my job and have a really supportive team but I am just worried about it happening again and having telling people. I am tempted to go back early and just self cert but think I might have to at least tell my manager. Ho hum. Hugs to you it's a shit place to be but you can and will get through this. I went to a specialist and was given pogesterone, baby aspirin and blood thinners. This was the first time I got past 4.5 weeks and we did see a hb but sadly baby died around 6 weeks. (After first scan) I fully intend to start trying again with the help of acupuncture (conceived 2 times in 4 months so feel it really works for me) and continue with those drugs but think at this stage I am going to push for genetic testing.

@Thumbellini I'm so sorry to hear about everything you are going through. It's such a difficult time and it doesn't help with the added stress of work, who to tell, what to say etc I was quite surprised that one of my bosses was sympathetic today so that helped make things a little easier. I think it's worth you telling your manager if you think they will be understanding.

As for acupuncture I've been doing it for 6 months and will continue. It's helped my cycle become more regular and I just thinks it's good all round, glad it's working well for you.

My doctor has referred me to the miscarriage specialists so hopefully they can do some tests so see if it's anything to do with progesterone or blood clotting etc

I'm quite tempted to try baby aspirin regardless, don't think it could do more harm.

Really hope things go well for you. I'm definitely going to start ttc again as soon as this is over as well x

Good luck to you all.

I've replied to messages.

Re work I collapsed due to my 2nd at work and was then off for over 2 months due to complications so it was unavoidable people knowing.

They were lovely though, everyone was so kind. Some clearly felt awkward but nobody was unpleasant.

One girl who was actually quite young and to my knowledge hadn't had one herself but was just a sensible sort, I hadn't known her that well before she had an office of her own just by happenstance and she very kindly came to me and said if I needed a private space at any time to just come to her office and she'd "guard the gate" (not let anyone pester me) and even leave herself if need be. She then just gave me a simple hug. Small things to do but meant so much.

My boss there was considered something of a dragon lady by most but I got on great with her. I learned she'd had several losses herself inc quite a late one. She was fairly matter of fact in telling me (by this point she'd managed to have a child and he was an adult) but in a kind way.

She was very kind and checked if I was ready to be back to which I said "oh yes Drs cleared me" she said "I don't just mean medically are YOU ready? Even if you think you are if its too much at any point come and talk to me, I'll arrange a lift home if necessary don't hesitate" she had a rep of being VERY unapproachable. I was so grateful.

People can surprise you.

Sometimes keeping busy helps though yea?

Good luck to you all

Thank you both, I find the knowledge on these threads so reassuring. @liveinhope100 I would agree with the baby aspirin, I think this is basically bog standard and will be the first thing any specialist will recommend. However check first incase you have any reason not to take it, ie stomach ulcers etc. I was prescribed dispersible aspirin in particular, no idea if that makes a difference. I take it every day along with high dose Folic and Vit D. The consultant REALLY emphasised the Vit D actually. I just get the generic one from my chemist for like £2 so not expensive. You might receive pushback from the GP on the pogesterone and some specialists don’t rate it either however it doesn’t do any harm so if you feel you might benefit from it I would fight my corner there. I was warned by the consultant that for some people it stops bleeding so you are more likely to not realise something is wrong. So you do need more scans as a result of that.

I will look out for your name and hopefully will be seeing it for happier reasons soon xx

Actually, do try the baby aspirin. It may have been coincidence, but I took it the cycle I conceived. I spoke to a GP during my fertile window and he suggested baby aspirin. So I went and got some and started taking it the following Monday - unknown to me I conceived that day/day before (due to taking BBT I feel fairly confident saying that) so the aspirin may have helped in continuing the pregnancy.

I didn't do any tests after I miscarried. The NHS won't do any until you've had three, I believe. But miscarriage in a first pregnancy is fairly common and I heard it could just be due to your body needing one to get used to the idea of being pregnant. Who knows. It's shit whatever the reason.