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Due date today
7

betterbehomesoon · 16/04/2019 11:38

Today is my due date, we lost our first pregnancy in September. The baby stopped developing at 8+4 weeks and we found out at 10 weeks with a "i'm sorry there isn't a heartbeat" scan. Most people have forgotten, I reminded my DH last night but hasn't said anything today yet (probably forgotten too). I feel very lonely in my grief today.

I'm thankfully 18 weeks pregnant again (was such a shock to fall again so quickly after it taking a while the first time). But that doesn't mean I still yearn for that baby and wonder what could have been. I feel a little selfish to be so sad when we are pregnant again and I can't explain the tears without sounding and feeling indulgent and ungrateful. But I still mourn my first pregnancy and don't want to forget them.

I'm not looking for anything, I just need to acknowledge that little baby in a safe environment. Thanks. x

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Dancer12345 · 16/04/2019 11:40

Flowers You’re still mourning a loss and that’s perfectly acceptable and understandable. Be kind to yourself. It’s not selfish or ungrateful at all. Allow yourself to feel upset and sad, it’s ok.

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sadtoday21 · 16/04/2019 12:53

Miscarriage is a really lonely experience, even isolating us from those who are normally closest to us. The way you feel is completely valid and understandable. Anyone who has had a miscarriage, like all of us on here, feel exactly the same way. I'm sorry you are going through this today and sending you light and hugs.

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HalfBloodPrincess · 16/04/2019 12:57

I understand how you feel. It’s something that you’ll never really ‘get over’ but I know it hasn’t affected my dh in the way it affected me.

My due date for the baby I lost was 11th November. I too fell pregnant again pretty quickly after and am now 35 weeks. When I think of the baby I lost I try to take a positive approach in that the baby I’m carrying now wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t have lost the last one. May not be the right way to think for everyone but if I rationalise it that way then it’s made it a bit easier to cope with.

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betterbehomesoon · 16/04/2019 13:15

Thanks so much for your kind words everyone, you're right, I'm still mourning and I don't think I'll ever really stop, but I didn't think today would be as hard as its been. Thanks so much for your comforting messages. It really means a lot. I'm so sorry we've all been through this. Xx

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GoldenTrumpets · 16/04/2019 14:27

Hi, our first baby was due today too. I miscarried and fell pregnant again around the same dates as you, actually.

It's a weird situation - you want to remember the little life that was lost, but at the same time you feel grateful for the new one growing inside you and you kind of know you can't have both. Your feelings are in no way selfish or indulgent. Please don't worry about sounding that way. I found that talking to others helped me to move on.

I chose to commemorate our first baby with some flowers in the garden. I can't dwell on it every day because it's no help to me or anyone else, and I don't talk about it anymore, but I feel better knowing I marked their brief little life somehow. If you do decide to do something similar, maybe ask if DH wants to water the flowers with you or something equivalent?

Flowers Flowers Flowers

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betterbehomesoon · 16/04/2019 20:50

It is a very strange situation, I'm so grateful to have fallen pregnant again. But still want to remember that child. I don't dwell on my loss each day, I thought I had found my peace with it. Today was harder than I thought and the memories of the pregnancy and then the loss came back. I'm pleased I remembered the day quietly and with my loving memories for the little one. I decided to donate a small donation to the miscarriage organisation in my baby's name. I felt good about that. Thanks so much for the support today ladies, it really helped. Xx

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Sageadvice21 · 17/04/2019 13:23

Hi op,

I lost my first pregnancy due to it being ectopic at 7+4. Like you, I fell pregnant again very quickly and now have a DC aged 1.

Like a PP, we chose to plant something in the garden, and on the due date, I just went for a little walk in the garden, said a few words and went on with my day. Not sure if anyone else remembered, but as it wasn't their body, and no one had time to get used to a pregnancy as we hadn't told anyone, I don't think I expected anyone to.

I still think about that baby, even though I have a DC & am pregnant again, but I think had that not happened, I wouldn't be where I am now, and so I think I have made my peace with it.

I don't think there is a normal way to deal with pregnancy loss and you just get through it how ever you can.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

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