Feeling alone and confused

[dimarie1]

Hi, I found out I had a miscarriage yesterday after an emergency scan as I was bleeding and cramping over the weekend. I was 9 weeks+4. I knew it didn't feel right, iv never been pregnant before and it was a happy shock it's taken me weeks to get my head around it, I selfishly was worrying about work as I'm a manager and just gone to a new dept, worrying about holidays i had booked and would lose money for and let ppl down And now this has happened I feel so guilty as I hadn't looked put myself first.

I feel so confused as to what happens next I have to go back for tests but Iv read so many messages from people knowing how old baby was when heart beat stopped and when it happened I was just told they couldn't see the baby in there. I walked out feeling like was I ever pregnant have I just imagined this whole thing. Obv my hcg levels were showing I was still pregnant.
Will the blood tests let them determine when it happened maybe? Does this mean something else is wrong if they couldn't see it?

Iv taken some time off work as everyone has told me to do work has been understanding but I feel like a fraud even having this extra day off as I still went in Monday and had to leave as that was when I knew something was really wrong and took rest of yesterday off after getting the news. I'm ok cramps on and off still and that's why I never went in today. I just want to no I'm not feeling alone as at the moment I don't think it's hit me and I just think, ok back to normal.

So sorry for your loss. Firstly, please don’t blame yourself. Worrying about work stuff does not cause a miscarriage.

I know how you’re feeling because my miscarriage was discovered at 9w4d and an empty gestational sack was found with no embryo. It confused and frightened me, I hadn’t heard of this type of miscarriage before and the sonographer was pretty clinical, which made me feel worse. It’s what known as an anemryonic pregnancy (it used to be called a blighted ovum) or missed miscarriage. It means the embryo sadly didn’t develop and passed at an early stage. Your body kept developing as in a normal pregnancy (although likely your symptoms were greatly reduced due to falling hcg levels). This is why you felt things weren’t quite right. But you were pregnant, that was your little one, so please don’t think you weren’t. I was told the baby probably didn’t develop due to chromosomal abnormalities, this is the likeliest cause of early losses. It was nothing you have done, or could have prevented. Going through a miscarriage is very upsetting, you are grieving for the baby you thought you were going to hold this year, and all the life changes that go with it. Is there a HR person you can confide in? You need to take some time to recover physically and emotionally (there is a very good thread on this board called handling the practicalities of miscarriage). I strongly recommend you visit the Miscarriage Association website- they have all the info you need and a helpline. I really feel for you, it will get better x

I am sorry for your loss, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It has made me feel like i can understand what's happened a little more. Hopefully I can get some answers tomorrow. Iv let my HR manager and store manager know also so I can relax a little more now and not worry about work. Thank you again I will defo have a look at that website x

Hi Dimarie1 - I was exactly the same when I feel pregnant, I found out a week before I started my new dream job - I was delighted to be pregnant but gutted cause I couldn't give the job a good go either. I was focused about the all the things i couldn't do. I lost my baby through a mmc at 10 weeks. The guilt and sadness was unfathomable. I couldn't understand why I just couldn't be happy about the pregnancy and felt so selfish. But I promise you the guilt fades, the sadness takes a little longer - however it also gets easier. But you didn't cause this, not at all, not even a little bit. I agree with PP about the chromosome issues being the most common, its often down to biology - and can't be stopped. I'm so sorry it happened.

Take as much time as you need to recover - physically and emotionally. There is no time frame - but each day, try to be kind to yourself, find ways to make each day a little brighter - even if its just having a shower. You aren't alone at all, we have gone through it and your baby knew how loved it was. Also have a look at Tommy's - they have a great support network too (and as PP said, lots of support here). Sending hugs xx

I can totally relate to what you have said about work. I didn't understand at first why I didnt feel happy as I was more stressed than anything but I know I was happy but just so emotional and overwhelmed worrying about money and work and the rest. When you start getting your head around it, the unexpected happens. Such a whirlwind of emotion.

Thank you for sharing with me and I'm sorry for what you went through too, nice to hear other people's stories and to no that I'm not alone x