Support after babyloss

[NovaF]

Hello

I had a stillbirth in July 2017 at 24 weeks and found the level of professional support I received to be patchy. My GP was great and pushed a counsellor to give us couples counselling, but the bereavement midwife never contacted me after, and the community midwives dissapeared after a fortnight. I had no 121 psychological support and it took me a long time to realise I was traumatised. I also felt like I was going insane with grief. I did a lot for myself over a year by going privately to counsellors, but realised that I hadn't dealt with the trauma of the situation and so had private support for that (as well as bereavement support). It felt like this could have been done differently and it was exhausting and expensive trying to make myself feel human again whilst celebrating the life of my son.

I then had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago, and the bereavement midwife was great at the time, but again have had no real professional support. I've moved house and can no longer go back to my old GP.

My husband has been great but there were somethings that were really upsetting that I just didnt want to share with him and just really wanted a professional to talk to, which makes me feel like the only person in the world going through this.

Is this poor support normal? Did everyone else who lost a baby have a similar experience or did anyone get good support?

Hi didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry this happened to you, I can't imagine what you are going through right now.

I know it's not right and you shouldn't have to do this, but have you tried contacting private treatment? As I say you shouldn't have to do this but maybe worth looking into so you can get the help you need.

All the best op

Sorry I just re-read your post that you have gone down the private route

Hi @novaF

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby last April at 24w due to a TFMR. It is truly shit.

I found the support sketchy at best. The bereavement MW contacted me on request but i didnt really know what i wanted, she came to the house to drop off some paperwork but never contacted me again.
My own GP were pretty useless, my normal MW called me four days after i came out of hospital with a chirpy 'See you in a few months when you are pregnant again'. I was mortified.

My saving grace was an amazing group of women who i met on MN. All baby-loss mamas that are in the club noone else wants to be. The first rainbow baby of the group arrived a few weeks ago with three more (including my own) due in the nect few weeks and a few more on the way.

Although you have moved, do you think it is worth speaking to your new GP to be referred for counselling? I have never accessed it but i know there are local charities in my area that offer this. Your consultant at the hospital (or old bereavement MW) may also be able to signpost to local services too. I have found there is help out there but you have to seek it out.

The online community is great too 😁 you aren't alone x

Hi nova. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean about the aftercare not being great. I felt the same, have gone back to docs after a couple of months and always feel a bit dismissed. I have been lucky that I have had private counselling which my work has paid for. I have also found support from the miscarriage association, they have a phone line you can call during the day. If you google them you can find the number. I have also just started reading a good book called “life after miscarriage” by jo tocher that I’ve found really useful and would reccomed. Hope you can get the help you need xx