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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Missed miscarriage found during cvs appointment

3 replies

Mollnlillahsmummy · 26/03/2019 14:04

Sorry for the long post...

Im posting this as i need to say it somewhere. I attended my 12 week scan 5 days ago and we were told the baby had 8mm fluid surrounding back, neck and abdomen.

From the beginning i have not connected to this pregnancy, i have told only 2 close friends and done everything possible to conceal it. Intuition told me something was wrong.

The scan suggested chromosome issues and i had a scheduled cvs today. However when they resacnned before cvs there was no heartbeat, hydro drops and the baby was filed with fluid. The specialist is going to perform tests to conform but she suspects Edwards syndrome.

I return tomorrow for surgical removal. I have felt nothing this entire pregnancy, like i said i continually just waited confirmation that my intuition was correct and there would never be a baby. Now it has happened i feel incredibly emotional. I refused to take any scan pictures and insisted i wanted the hospital to "deal" with the fetus.

Having told so few people, how do i just carry on as normal now i feel this way? Im am not prepared to announce my pregnancy followed by the news that there will be no baby. Surely people will ask why I'm so emotional?

My husband has been great, however he was expecting cvs to come back clear and this whole thing be a misunderstanding. We both agree, this was the best possible outcome as it removed the difficult choice we were likely to have faced given the extent of the issues or worse a late stage miscarriage or stillbirth. With 3 other healthy children i could not have coped with seeing them suffer this pain.

My eldest is 14 and i have no idea what to tell her the reason for me going to hospital first thing tomorrow. Right now i just wish i could disappear and return when all of it is over.

OP posts:
AJAN09 · 27/03/2019 03:23

Sorry to read your story x
My situation is different to yours (missed miscarriage when no heart beat announced at 8 week scan, naturally expelled 1 week later) but I have found that its helpful to be open about it with friends and family. My workmates are aware and have all been incredibly supportive and understanding. My friends have commended me on being open and honest about it, as we really can't figure out why pregnancy loss is such a secret subject. I can't imagine having to go through this silently and I don't think anyone should have to.

If that doesn't at all appeal to you, there are many woman on here who would be happy to chat about how you're getting on. At the end of the day that is what we are all here for... support and understanding.

Take care of yourself regardless x

B154140 · 28/03/2019 08:37

Thank you for your reply. Having now come home to recover, I have decided to tell people. I feel I need people to know tbh to save them saying something I take offence to without them realising.

I'm not going to tell my children though, I don't think they will understand. My eldest would but she just thinks I've had a small op for cyst! That's worried her enough, without knowing the truth.

Sorry for your loss, I hope you are recovering as well as can be. Yesterday was emotional but today I feel completely differently and I want people to know.

It helped to hear from the consultant, how poorly the baby was and having all that information, although at the time was overwhelming, I feel better knowing I can explain why it happened rather than just shrug it off as one of those things.

Take care and again thank u for your reply.

Michellebops · 28/03/2019 22:38

Sorry you went through this.

I too had a mmc at my 12 week scan.

I was already showing so a lot of people knew.

After the surgery I had 4 weeks off work then I was scared to go back as all my colleagues knew why I was off.

A few came to me, gave me a hug and told me their stories. I felt honoured.

In time you'll come to terms with it, talking helps. You may want to tell your children at a later date.

If you regret not having a scan photo, contact your hospital as they'll have a copy.

I have mine framed which was a personal choice as I wanted to say yes my baby was real.

I also chose to let the hospital deal with the baby. My baby was cremated with other Miscarried and aborted foetuses. I have the plot details but not yet been to visit.

My due date would have been Easter week so might pluck up the courage to go then.

Sands have been a big support to us, I got a tiny memory box and also our hospital arranged for a gold leaf to be engraved. Again all personal choices.

Big hugs ❤️

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