ECTOPIC PREGNANCY / MISCARRIAGE

[pregancy123]

Hi,

I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience to me. I've had to misscarriages ( one at 11 weeks 3 days) and the second (7 weeks).

Since then I have now recently had a ectopic pregnancy and have had to have my left tube removed. This has been the most heartbreaking process however I seem to be hardening up towards it 😞 such a awful thing to become immune to.

However I feel this is everyone's expectation of me and that I should really just get on with my life.

We are now being referred to the EPU because my case has been really unusual from the get go. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through the same?

Hey hun I'm very similar - miscarriage at 12 weeks, successful pregnancy and then 2 miscarriages in 2017 followed by a ruptured ectopic last year in which my left tube was removed.

I had tests done at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and EPU but they all came back fine. I had to fight to get a HSG test done on my remaining tube but did eventually get one and that came back clear.

I feel like I've become hardened to it all too and to those around me - I can't be done with petty shit anymore. There are moments when I'm on my own that I feel overwhelmed and have a cry but then I feel like I have to put my big girl pants on and carry on.

We've moved on to IVF now - first round failed but we have 2 more embryos frozen - I'm not hopeful - But we ll keep trying x

Hi andbreathagain,

Thank you so much for replying!

My god, you have been through so much already 😢 sending my love to you and I really really hope your next IVF is the luck you deserve!!

What did they test for when you had them done? I've got mine in six weeks and I have no idea what they should be looking at? They said my other tube looked healthy when they took my left one.

Have you been nervous about trying again? I haven't even decided yet if I feel it would be worth it? How closely did they monitor you? Im so sorry for all the questions. I just don't know anyone else who's been through anything like this even remotely similar so ie never had anyone to ask.

Thank you for replying xxxx

@pregancy123 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this too! It's a very lonely feeling having to go through infertility and pregnant loss.

So recurrent miscarriage clinic - they'll do blood tests for thyroid problems blood clotting etc and that's about it. I found mine pretty useless and didn't tell me anything I didn't know already and felt they were really just looking for the "norm" rather than treating every case as an individual but I guess there is only so much the NHS can do. Eg they don't test your partner even though male sperm problems account for 50% of fertility problems.

Even though they said your remaining tube looks fine I would see if they can refer you for a HSG test - basically they push dye through it and look on an X-ray for any blockages. it can't tell you whether the tube is actually working but I felt more comfortable trying again knowing it wasn't blocked.

I did feel nervous about trying again - I guess I got to the point that I could deal with miscarriages but a ruptured ectopic was something completely new to me, the pain was horrendous and so frightening and I did question whether my quest for another baby was the right thing since I had nearly left my DD motherless. (All I remember when I got to a&e was her screaming mummy as they wheeled me away and I had flashbacks for a long time)

My hospital arranged a funeral service for my ectopic baby which was lovely and the ashes spread on a baby loss garden at the cemetery (maybe ask if your hospital offers that - I had to sign a form saying my wishes before they would even operate even though I had massive internal bleeding) - I've found having somewhere to go really helpful.

I also paid for private ovulation scans in the months afterwards - I guess I was worried about whether I was ovulating again - that went back to normal pretty quick and they found my right ovary is more dominant and so I ovulate much more on my right than left anyway

The doctors will tell you fertility isn't decreased by much by losing a tube and that the remaining tube can sweep across and collect the egg - it's very much the exception rather than norm and depends on lots of other things like how free moving it is and whether you have scar tissue etc

I haven't been closely monitored after I had all the blood tests and follow up from my ectopic- I was just told to ring them when/if I got another positive pregnancy test - you should then be given a scan at 6 weeks as standard (and if your part of the recurrent miscarriage clinic then every 2 weeks after that until 12 weeks)

My ectopic was January 2018 and as I was given MTX before it ruptured we couldn't try again for 3 months minimum but as we haven't even come close to another BFP we moved into IVF as I'm 36 next month.

How old are you? Have you had any fertility testing before this happened? Xxx

P.s nope never had fertility testing! Always assumed I would be one of the lucky ones untill the last year or so xxxx

@andbreatheagain sorry I don't know why my last post didn't post! I'm very new to this whole thing.

I'm so sorry you and DD had to experience that. Life is so unfair!! How old is DD? If this helps at all with the IVF. A family friend who is 38, had a lovely healthy gorgeous baby boy last Friday through IVF. After 5 years of it!!

She spent thousands and thousands and thousands but eventually she did it. Amazing really what they can do now days.

They sounded pretty rubbish, I thought they would of tested both you and your partner. That's what I was expecting! I'll defo push for more! Thank you.

I'm 23 and my partner 26. We been together 5 years now. The first pregnancy it took us over a year and half tryinf and then I just fell! We couldn't believe our luck. The next two times I fell VERY easily. scarily easily! Which makes me wonder if maybe it was to soon one after the other.

I've been recommended to wait 3 months to. Which we defo will do.

How is your partner finding all this? I find it so hard with mine, he's just so gutted. I've never seen him cry before all this and now he keeps crying. It's a real shock to the system but I'm so glad he's letting it out.

When is your next lot of IVF? I really really hope it goes well.

( this is my third time trying to reply to your post now lol) I really hope it works!! Xxxx

My partner found the first miscarriage at 12 weeks the hardest and he did cry then, after that I guess he just didn't let himself get excited when I would tell him I was pregnant again. With My ectopic he got upset when the hospital asked us what we wanted to do with the baby and I think that was because it was the first time he had really thought about it being an actual baby. He didn't come to the funeral service though.
It's good your partner is letting it out - sometimes is hard for a man to really engage with a pregnancy until a physical baby actually arrives - it's us that deal with the pregnancy tests, the hormones and the physical loss

Definitely wait the 3 months - I suspect my back to back miscarriages before my ectopic were because I didn't wait.

You've got age on your side which is definitely a good thing! There is a Facebook group for trying to conceive after an ectopic and from what I've seen the younger women definitely have better luck having a successful pregnancy and much sooner than those that are in their mid/late thirties!

Thanks so much for your positive thoughts! My DD is 3 now and is starting to ask about a sibling. We ll definitely try again soon - I'm hoping to transfer the 2 embryos we have frozen from this cycle in about 4 weeks time

Both of us have to stay positive!!! Xxxxx

Hope you don't mind me joining this thread. Sorry I haven't used anything like this before and usually a very private person but struggling lately trying to cope with whats happened over the last year.
Me and my partner have been together for 10 years this July. I am 28 and he is 34. We only started trying to conceive March 2018. My first pregnancy in April 2018 I didn't realise I was pregnant which soon ended in a miscarriage.
We found out after our holiday in may I was pregnant again. But I was suffering with stomach pain, no bleeding though. The drs advised I had a suspected molar pregnancy and had to have an opperation in June 2018 to have to pregnancy taken away as it was not viable. We was advised we could try again soon after.
We found out in July 2018 I was pregnant a 3rd time. Again I was suffering with stomach pain and feared the worse. My fear was right and I found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy which ended in an opperation in August to remove my left tube where the pregnancy was found.
We waited again as emotionally I wasnt ready. We started to try again in October 2018 as the drs advised we could. With no luck! 6 months later, still no luck. I'm worried I wont conceive now, as before we have been lucky to conceive each time we tried but since my ectopic we haven't been able to conceive.
Drs offered me blood tests at a push, after my ectopic. They tested positive for lupus anticoagulant which they said would be the cause of the miscarriages. They tested again 3 months later to double check and it came back negative. So they now wont offer me anything further. I've been told the ectopic pregnancy has broken the recurrent miscarriages cycle so I would have to have a further 3 miscarriages to be entitled to any further testing.
Feeling even worse today as my period was 2 days late so I was feeling hopeful, but today I have started my period. Never had a late period before so really was hoping for the best news.
Sorry for the long post! Xxx

Hi @Tess90

I'm so sorry your going through all this, this is my first time using anything like this aswell but it's amazing how talking to total strangers can be more comforting than speaking to people who know you best. I suppose when it is somebody who's been through the same you and can relate it's abit easier to speak.

Just remember there are thousands and thousands of women who go trough all this and have healthy babys, I totally understand and used to hate when people said that to me but it's so true ( you might think I'm mad! But I've been watching One Born Every Minute to remind me how many women have healthy baby's)! That one day the majority of us will all have a healthy little bundle. It's hard to believe sometimes isn't it.

I can't really suggest anything regarding the miscarriage testing ( I'm still waiting to have mine) A consultant said to me when I was last in hospital that pregnancy is such a strange thing and really there is no " normal" that even the best consultants struggle to understand or predict what's going to happen to a lady.

Hoping and praying that your soon fall pregnant with a healthy happy baby. It will happen but all in due course 🥰

I'm only 2 weeks down the line from having my ectopic but I'm going to give myself a break to. I've decided I'm going to give it all I got with the next one ( even though really it will make no difference - if it's going to be healthy it will be healthy but if not it wouldn't anyways. I just do it for my own mental sake! ) but I'm going to get lots of fruit and veggies and stay fit!

I hope your able to give yourself a break soon, remember this is not your fault. There is nothing you could of done to change this❤️

We all wish we could, but the truth is we cant.

Fingers crossed your be updating to say your pregnant soon! Try keep positive ( I know it's hard) xxx

@pregnancy123

Thank you ever so much for your kind words. It really does help. Yes your right, talking to strangers does seem to help. I feel like everyone around me feels to awkward and just wants me to move on. Which I have in alot of ways. Just feeling a little lost and not sure what to do next.
I think every dr we have seen has said the same, every pregnancy is different, every woman is different and there is no difinitive answer to anything. Which is really hard at times, as you just want to know whats happening and why.
I'm so glad your thinking is so positive so soon after your ectopic. That will really help with your recovery I think. I wish I had been so positive so soon after. Think I've only just started feeling 'normal' so to speak. But now feels like it's taking forever and not going to happen.
I totally get that theres nothing I could have done differently but i had the same mind set as you in the sense of getting healthy to try again. I researched alot of things that may help, I also know they might not but worth a try. So I have given up caffeine, taking vitamins, started dieting (not to lose weight but more to feel healthy). We both dont drink alcohol and my partner has given up smoking. So fingers crossed something works and soon.

Thank you for your positivity.
Sending you lots of best wishes and hope for a speedy recovery xxx

Sorry I didn't spell your username correct on my reply @pregancy123

I just wanted to come back and share some positive news that I never thought would happen. But it's been tough getting to where we are so I couldnt share any sooner. Sorry it's a long read!
Our drs refered us for IVF last year after many appointments back an forth he decided I would most likely not conceive naturally with my remaining tube as they thought i had tubal infertility. A week before my first IVF appointment i found out I was pregnant. I had early pregnancy scans from 6 weeks pregnancy until 12 weeks pregnancy with a specialist in Nottingham. Everything was perfect.
We found out in December we was having a little girl. In January this year, at 19 weeks I woke up with slight bleeding on the bed. I didnt realise until I stood up and started getting dressed and then noticed blood on the bed. Then I could feel something running down my leg. I quickly rushed to the toilet but there was a huge gush of blood. I couldnt help but cry, all i could think that I was losing my baby after we had come so far. I was rushed to hospital and admitted for heavy bleeding. I was examined but not scanned as it was a sunday and the scan facility was closed. The dr could see my placenta was low from the examination and said he was unsure where the bleeding was coming from but the baby still had a healthy heart beat on the monitor. They prepared me for a blood transfusion incase I had another heavy bleed. The bleeding had slowed but was still soaking through my clothes and pads. They forewarned me that it was highly likely I would loose the baby as it wasnt looking hopeful with so much bleeding. The next day I was scanned by a sonographer, baby was healthy. Heart beat was strong and not distressed. Bleeding was showing from the placenta, which had now caused a large haematoma. I had no idea what this was but new it wasnt good news. They didnt discuss anything with me, only that the baby was ok for now. I had to go back to the dr on the ward to find out. I was placed on a womans ward, not a pregnancy ward as the pregnancy wasnt far enough along. The dr explained they thought the bleeding was coming from the placenta but couldnt be sure as there was to much bleeding to see exactly where it was coming from. The haematoma was a large blood clot formed from the bleeding but now created more risk. Now I was at risk of losing my baby and bleeding out, possibly losing my life if the haematoma dislodged and the bleeding got heavier. They advised me to go home and take it easy as there was nothing they could do.
I was admitted again at 21 weeks for heavy bleeding and large blood clots. This time the bleeding wasnt as heavy but the blood clots meant the haematoma was coming away. I was allowed on a pregnancy ward this time. A specialist came to see me to give me more bad news, he was adamant I would loose the baby and not carry any further and I should prepare myself. A lovely midwife came to explain it further and what to prepare myself for if I was to miscarry and what the baby would be like. She said it was too early pregnancy still for them to do anything as the baby would be too premature. I was heart broken and couldnt stop crying. Now all I could think about was my baby girl coming too early and not surviving. My bleeding slowed so they allowed me to go home to prepare myself. The dr wanted me to stay but advised this would be my last chance to go home until baby arrived. Because if I had heavy bleeding again then i would me admitted permanently until baby arrives. I was told to go home and take it easy, not to return to work. They also told me i would have to be moved to a specialist hospital when I came back as they couldnt care for a premature baby before 30 weeks. But if the baby came before 27 weeks then no one would help her unless she was born breathing. If she was born not breathing, they were not allowed to resuscitate. Again I was completely heartbroken. I couldnt imagine a positive outcome.
Each week was a milestone for us but still a massive worry. I darent do anything or move to much or walk to far. Every day I woke up dreading I would wake in a pool of blood. Every scan I cried as I was growing so attached to my little girl and could only think I would loose her. We got to February and had another scan to check the haematoma and the position of the placenta. I was still bleeding but not heavy. A few blood clots had been lost but nothing drastic. Finally we had good news! The haematoma had gone and my placenta had moved high up. However, now the bleeding had slowed and the haematoma had gone, they could see the bleeding was due to my placenta coming away. Which again wasnt good news. But they warned me if I carried on taking it easy then hopefully it would be ok. So again all I could do was worry!
Fast forward a few weeks, my bleeding stopped. Which again was a positive. But at 28 weeks I was tested for gestational diabetes and it came back positive. So a new worry to deal with but not as frightening as the last few months. I had more scans due to previous problems and now because of gd. All my scans were now positive news, my baby girl was growing well and healthy. I managed to stay diet controlled with no need for medication so the hospital was happy to leave me to go full term. For some reason I still couldnt shake the feeling I wouldnt get to have my baby girl safe and sound. I was still worried I would loose her even though we got so far. Fast forward a few months, my baby girl decided to arrive earlier than planned. My waters broke at 3am 25th may. Due to covid I was sent home until I was in established labour. I came back at 5PM as my contractions were intense. I had to go in by myself which was so scary after all the problems we had been having. My partner was finally allowed in at 10pm. I had to have the hormone drip as my labour wasnt progressing quick enough and they didnt want to risk going over 24 hours with my waters broken. This made everything so much more intense and the pain was unreal. I knew it would be painful but really wasnt expecting it to be that bad. I had gas an air and an epidural. My baby girl was born 9.53am 26th May. At 38 weeks and 5 days. A healthy 7lbs 2.5oz. She screamed the place down and breast fed straight away. I had to stay for 24hours after due to risk of infection for going over 24hrs since my waters broke and to test babies blood sugars due to gd. She passed her bloods and all the regular baby checks. We left and went home on the 27th may and shes doing amazing! We finally have our rainbow baby, her name is Pixie-Lily.

Sorry for the long read, I just wanted to share this as although we have been through so much heart ache and pain. And although I thought this would never happen. It finally has! It's really hard to think positive during a miscarriage and after, then trying again. But it will happen!