Heartbroken

[Kirsty1303l]

Please could anyone offer any advice for me. I dont know how to deal with whats happened. On the 13th of this month, which was also my little girls 5th birthday, we had to deliver our baby boy sleeping. I really dont know how to deal with it. I was 15 weeks pregnant and my waters broke. I ended up with a really bad infection and the consultant said they had no choice but to induce me. They said if i kept holding on we would both die but i still feel so guilty. I just want my boy back.
We were lucky that we got to spend time with him in hospital..Hes so perfect, just tiny. I just feel like i failed him. I keep trying to be strong for my little girl but i just feel numb.

I have no advice I'm sorry
But gentle hugs and

I'm so sorry

Hi i have no idea what to say but I didn’t want to not reply .

Would you like to talk about your boy. Did you name him
? X

Ps I’ve asked Mumsnet to move this to a more suitable board as I don’t think many people look at this one.

I’m so sorry Kirsty . What a devastating loss for you all. You definitely didn’t fail him, but whatever you feel is just how you feel and you should allow the different feelings to come and go. If you need to talk, seek it out, and if you need to hide, do it. Grief is a strange thing and sadly just has to be experienced. Hug for you x

Thankyou everybody for being so kind. And thankyou for asking for the post to be moved. We called him Theodore James 💙 theodore means gift and he really was bless him. currently waiting to here when his cremation will be and we can then at least have his ashes and do something special for him. Im just really struggling with things Xx

So sorry to hear about what you have been through OP. Life can be so cruel. You certainly didn't fail your baby boy. You were just very unlucky to catch an infection. I have several friends who have experienced similar. For most of them it helped to name their babies and talk about them and remember them.

This happened to me too. There are no words I can offer but I cherish the photos I have of my little boy and the little memory box the hospital gave me. I spent a long time thinking about what I had done wrong in my pregnancy to cause this but the truth is I did nothing wrong. It was just a tragic situation. My advice would be to take as much time as you need to grieve and talk about your baby with those closest to you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s incredibly hard. You remember and honour him as you see fit and please don’t feel guilty. You haven’t failed him because you loved him. I found much solice from others on these forums when I lost my boy. Stay strong xxx

Im so sorry youve been through it too. I have found comfort in his photos and his hand and foot prints to go in the memory box too. I also keep blaming myself for what's happened, how could i not know i had an infection, we dont know if that's what caused my waters to break but if it was why didnt i know. My partner keeps saying i have nothing to feel guilty for but i cant stop. Thankyou so much to everyone that's replied. Xxxx

Theodore James is a lovely name xx

Similar happened to me. Hopefully you'll be offered some grief counselling, take advantage of it if you are.

Unfortunately the is nothing that helps it's something you learn to live with over time, I learned to love that bit of pain I feel because it's the only thing left that proves my son was here and how much I still love him, that pain belongs to him.

Other than that you do what you need to cope until you can enjoy a day again.

You could plant some forget-me-nots, or light a special candle every year on his birthday, or celebrate his birthday (we do old school sandwiches crisps etc & cake)
Or all of those things.

There's no correct way to cope with it, and for me the grief is very different to any other because of the other 'new Mum' feelings I was also experiencing mixed in.

I hope you have some supportive people in your life. Remember to communicate to all about what you want/don't want and how you're feeling.

Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself.

That's the best advice I can give. Thinking of you. Sleep well Theodore James

Thankyou everybody. I have written Theodore a letter tonight to go in his memory box 💙 xxx

That’s a lovely idea xx

So sorry to read about your little boy. You must be devastated and heartbroken.

Markng his time here with you, as others have said, may be a comfort longer term. DH planted snowdrops for me in our garden when my mum died and they come every year, delicate, perfect, tiny white flowers in Spring.

Has anybody who this happened too had any answers as to why it happened. It sounds silly but i had no idea that waters could break as early as 15 weeks. Is it just one of those tragic things?
They did bloods on me and have taken the afterbirth for testing, but we refused to have theodore tested. Meant to have an appointment in 3 months to discuss things. Thankyou everybody. Your kind words have really helped xxx

Unfortunately not. It actually happened to me twice and we had a full post-mortem each time and had tests on me and they had no reason why. Which at the time was frustrating and I hated hearing ‘it was just one of those things’ but after a while I came to terms with it and was thankful that it wasn’t a genetic thing that could happen again.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost twins at 19 weeks so I know a bit about how you must be feeling. We've just had the post mortem results which showed our babies both died of placental abruption. Did you content to a post mortem for Theodore? We had a funeral for our son and daughter which helped in the grieving process. You will never get over this nor forget your litte boy, but with time you will heal (as much as any parent can). I'm here if you want to chat xx

Sorry, I've just seen that you chose not to have a PM for Theodore, which I respect, but they may be able to give you some answers from the tests they did do. Do you know if your placenta was sent for testing?

My placenta was sent for testing. Im so sorry to everyone this has also happened too ☹ it really is heart breaking. We are waiting for the chaplain to ring with a date for theodores cremation which i feel will give me a bit of peace and we can do something special with his ashes xxx