MMC what to do?

[PeachesNewName]

We found out on Monday that I’ve had a missed miscarriage. I should’ve been 14 weeks but baby died at 12 weeks. We are obviously gutted and in shock as we had no inkling anything was wrong we were just going in for dating scan, I was still having morning sickness and lots of other symptoms.

I’ve opted for expectant management mainly because personally I would like the remains to be intact and to be able to see the baby and then bury them in our garden.

My question is...is this pointless considering the baby’s already been dead two and a half weeks and I haven’t started bleeding or spotting yet at all? I can’t find any information online about when baby would start to break down.

The surgical route seems a lot less traumatic and painful so I would probably go with that if I thought there was no chance of baby coming out whole if this makes any sense at all?

Sorry if this seems a bit clinical or is upsetting to anybody. It does seem surreal to me to be thinking about things like this now when last week everything was fine.

I also don’t know whether to even consider trying again after this, we already have a five yr old DS and one early miscarriage in between. I want him to have a sibling but the age gap just keeps getting bigger and bigger and I’m so worried now that this could happen again.

Hi @PeachesNewName, so sorry to hear about your loss, especially as it came as such a shock to you. Take your time coming to terms with this, as you said it is a lot to process when everything seemed to be ticking along fine and you would have had totally different thoughts on your mind - it's very surreal.

Just from reading the board these last few weeks, it seems that with your dates there is a decent chance you will begin to miscarry naturally soon, as many posters here tend to miscarry within a few weeks of finding out they are having a miscarriage, with the exception of those like me who found out more toward the 8 week mark.

Totally understandable that you would like to have your baby to bury, it is worth considering that as it was 12 weeks when it passed that it may be quite a painful process to pass naturally. You should definitely try to speak to someone at an EPU or a midwife for advice when you are ready as it sounds like you could use some more information about this.

It's worth having a look at this thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage
However do keep in mind that you are probably more likely to hear from people who have had really difficult experiences on a thread like this than those who have had easier times. Perhaps you already know this though having had an early one yourself.

If you don't want to wait but would prefer to pass the baby and tissue yourself you should ask about medication which you can take to speed up the process ("medical management").

I decided to have surgical management (erpc) because I did not want to deal with the waiting and uncertainty involved in doing it naturally, but I also didn't have a baby to consider (mine stopped developing very early on so only had a gestational sac by the time I had my scan). So, you have more to consider than I do, but take your times to weigh up your options.

Hope this is helpful, best of luck to you and do stick around as you go through the process, I've found it incredibly helpful.

Thank you coconut I’ll definitely have a look at that thread. Sorry for the short reply I’m finding things difficult today but I really appreciate your advice.

Hi. So sorry you are going through this. I had a MMC 3 years ago. Found out at 12 week scan. Baby had not developed beyond 6 weeks. I opted for natural management but was 'lucky' that it started happening immediately. It was very painful & there was a lot of blood that I needed lots of pad & even PJ & bed changes. The worst of it was over in one day. I found the idea of surgical management more stressful & hated the idea of it. I'm not good with gynae stuff in general though. I suffered no after effects physically. Feel free to ask any questions about my experience. Sending hugs

@PeacesNewName I am really sorry for your loss. Feel free to join us on the First pregnancy missed miscarriage thread if you need some extra emotional support. We've all been through this as well on there and lots of good advice and hand holding.

I had a D&C myself and I highly recommend it. It is far quicker and less painful than the other options. You also might need it anyway if the other options fail. I was 12 weeks and there was zero chance I was going to mc naturally. Obviously it is a personal choice, but I'm very glad I went that route. As far as burial goes, they give you the option at the hospital to take the remains home with you and bury them yourself or they will do it for you and you can attend the ceremony there. I personally did not want to do this, but it is an option and they are very sensitive to your needs about this. Just wanted to let you know, take care xxx.

I had natural management at 12 weeks also and to be honest I don't think I could do it again.
I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy last year which was operated on and my hospital gave us the option of either them arranging a funeral service (which we chose) or we could collect the remains to arrange our own burial (bear in mind i was only 7 weeks pregnant).
I would ask your hospital what their policy is? My hospital refused to operate until I had signed forms saying what I wanted to happen.

The funeral arranged by my hospital was wonderful - they hold it every 3 months and it's a combined service for all pregnancies lost in that time period - the ashes were then spread on the baby memorial garden

With a D&C you should also get the option for genetic testing and after 3 natural miscarriages I wish I had chosen that as it might have given us some answers.