The loneliness and exhaustion of recurrent miscarriage.

[Badgerbird]

The title says it all really. I had d&c on Thurs for my 4th miscarriage and I'm just feeling pretty alone and worn out. Hubby is brill but he can't really understand how it feels to be pregnant so many times and the physical and emotional stress of multiple inconclusive scans, pregnancy symptoms, weight gain and then surgery, grief and recovery. Friends haven't messaged much at all, I think they are all just so used to me getting pregnant and having miscarriages that it's just normal now. The silver lining is that I'm incredibly lucky to have a DD. 5 pregnancies in 3.5 years. I think I'm done now.

Hi. So sorry you’ve had to go through yet another. I’m feeling very similar to you having had two miscarriages in 3 months. I don’t have any children and although you do, it still doesn’t make your losses any easier. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s just so hard. Have you had tests/treatment at all? NHS won’t do anything unless I’ve had 3 so I’m going to see a private specialist. I realise I’m not guaranteed to get any answers but I do feel better having made the move to get some insight from a specialist clinic. I feel extremely alone and very up and down (2nd mc was 26th Feb). Other half is amazing but like yours, similar situ on the emotions front. Xxx

Oh @Lindyloolou I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I remember how desperate I felt after my miscarriages before my daughter and it's horrendous. I was 3rd time lucky and fingers crossed you will be too. My dr sent me for some tests after my first 2 MMC and nothing untoward was flagged. I was put on progesterone and aspirin for 3 rd pregnancy and got lucky. Took them for my last pregnancy but didn't make any difference. I have been put on list for recurrent miscarriage clinic now so we'll see. I'm 41 and not sure I want to keep going through this really. I think it's good that you are getting tests as I found anything that felt like I was doing something positive helped. Are you making sure you do nice things for yourself too? Be kind to yourself, it's not easy and grief can take a while x

Nice to know you got lucky the third time! Still not nice what you’re going through now though. At the moment I’m trying to get on with things, been doing lots of research which is sometimes good but often conflicting/confusing. So hard not being in full control of things but as you say, getting appointments feels like a step in the right direction at least. Hopefully you’ll get lucky again 🤞 xxx

It's one of the loneliest and hardest things I've ever had to deal with - I had a 12 week mc before I was lucky enough to have DD But then followed by 2 mc and a ruptured near fatal ectopic in the space of 8 months - I just had a frozen embryo transfer on Saturday. I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic but found them pretty useless and gave no helpful advice - all tests came back clear but felt they were just looking for the "normal" things rather than investigating everything they could - they also wouldnt consider male factor even though it's proven that speak can cause miscarriages.
We re giving IVF a go as one last push - and I guess to say to ourselves that we really did do everything we could. If this doesn't work I hope I'll be at peace with the shitty hand we've been given in life but the thought that one day infertility won't be at the forefront of my mind most days is a scary one xx

So sorry for your losses. I had 4MC all at 9-10weeks and it was pretty soul destroying. The RMC threads on here were great. I had DS1, MC, DS2, then 3 consecutive MC. I had some private investigations after MC3 with nothing found, on progesterone and aspirin for MC4, then referred to RMC clinic who had nothing additional to offer. Then saw Prof Quenby in Coventry who found I had high uterineNK cells on a biopsy, did a 'scratch' and put me on steroids, progesterone and heparin. Successful pregnancy with DD born a few months before I turned 40. We'd already decided that was it though, there is a limit for everyone what you can put yourself through. Be gentle with yourself, and do whatever is right for you.

I’m so sorry for your loss Badgebird (and everyone else on this thread). Recurrent miscarriage is one of the hardest and loneliest things to deal with. My story is similar to yours but I have finally managed to come out on the other ends.

I had my Dd, then 5 miscarriages and then finally my ads. My Dd is4.5 and had no issues getting pregnant with her and it was a textbook pregnancy. When she was 1 we started trying again and I had 3 miscarriages in a span of a year. They were all the same: I would get to 7 weeks, start spotting, and miscarry by 8 weeks. As it stands with NHS I had to wait to have 3 miscarriages before being referred for further testing. I was 37 at the time and felt time wasn't on my side so we decided to go privately. I went to see Dr Shehata (he has offices in London and Epsom) after miscarriage number 3 and was diagnosed with Natural Killer cells. I was prescribed steroids and progesterone to combat the NK cells (the theory is that you have an overactive immune system that attacks the embryo). I got pregnant soon after that but, again, miscarried by week 7. All my miscarriages had been natural so unfortunately I didn't manage to get it tested. After that MC Dr Shehata added hydroxychloroquine to my treatment plan. Again, I got pregnant a couple of months later but had another miscarriage. This time it was a MMC so I had Dr S test the foetus and it came back positive for Trisomy 16. So no drugs in the world could have saved that pregnancy. We decided to give it one more try and I got pregnant again in Feb of last year and this time everything went as it should have. All my scans were good (prior to that I always measured behind on my scans with my miscarriages), it was such a straightforward pregnancy that i was in disbelief. I even delivered on my due date.

I used to search the internet at all hours looking for success stories to give me hope and I hope my story provides this for you. Recurrent miscarriage is such a lonely place and I will never forget how you are feeling now. I wish you (and everyone else on this thread) all the luck in the world xx

Thankyou so much for all your kind words. What lovely women and what horrid situations we've all been in I'm feeling more and more like myself every day. This last pregnancy was very hard for me hormonally and I felt crazy! Def not trying again for a few months (I get pregnant ridiculously easily so it's getting double wrapped!!) and probably more than likely we won't try again and just enjoy our life with our little girl.
I wish you all the best of luck with your rainbow babies and let's keep coming back here to talk when the loneliness kicks in