MC at the start of new job

[Aria264]

I recently started a new job and unfortunately miscarried in my second week of being there. I was quite poorly but was worried about taking time off so just made excuses for the drs and hospital appointments and went in other than then. I’ve had a few days where I’ve been very tearful and can’t control my crying which has been incredibly embarrassing. I’m also worried about what my new work must think of me as I’ve hardly been at my best since joining. Has anyone got any advice about this relentless crying?

The whole thing has been a big shock really. We had been ttc for a little while, but I also wanted to change jobs. I didn’t know I was pregnant when I accepted the job and I certainly never expected this! I just don’t know what to do.

Hi Aria - I'm so sorry for your loss, its so devastating. I miscarried my first pregnancy in the third week of my new job, it was such a shock and I hated taking time off so quickly - but the best thing I did was explained the situation to my manager who was incredibly kind and discrete. He and his wife had also gone through a miscarriage - as mentioned here a lot, lots of people have had their own sad experiences with MC. And remember, there isn't ever a good time for anything like this, it happens, its not your fault.

Not sure what to say about the uncontrollable crying, but it sounds like you may have gone back to work a little too early. Could you ask for more leave? And if you can't (I couldn't), I personally just tried to keep as busy as I could at work, not to overwork myself but to distract myself as much as I could - and I popped to the loo cubicles as often as i could just to have a moment.

Each day got a little better and I was just focused on hour to hour, and you are doing great I'm sure of it. Consider a few sessions of counselling through your GP too, they'll really help deal with the shock of it all.

And about they might be thinking of you, remember you got the job cause you are right for it -- and in a bit of time, you'll be able to show them (and chances are you aren't doing a bad job at all at the moment anyways so don't be too hard on yourself!)

Just keep taking each day as it comes and be easy on yourself. sending support and hugs xx

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. This happened to me too, and I struggled into work for a week before being hospitalised needing a blood transfusion. It’s devastating that so many people go through this in silence.

As the pp said, is there any chance you could take some extra leave? Failing that can you take some ‘shortcuts’ to help you get through the physical and emotional side (getting someone to collect you from work, finishing work early occasionally etc).

Sending you lots of support to get through the week.

Sadly I also suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks a few months into a new job - my male boss was amazing and has gone above and beyond since then - I have gone on to have 2 further miscarriages and a near fatal ectopic and spent many a moment crying on his shoulder in a meeting room. He has daughters of his own and I believe he treats me how he hopes his daughters would be treated in the workplace one day.
That being said I am conscious not to take it for granted - I'm the sort of person who gets over things by keeping busy so I've tended to work from home whilst miscarrying and whilst I was signed off for 6 weeks after my ectopic I actually went back after a week or so. I know that he respects me for that (compared to some colleagues off with "stress" who have been off for months 😬)
X

Thanks everyone. Really helps to not feel so alone in this all. I think I should be a bit easier on myself and let myself take a break. Sorry to hear you’ve all been through it too though! X

I know it's awkward when you don't know them that well, but I'd really encourage saying something to your line manager or HR. They'd be a pretty awful employer if they made you feel bad about time off/taking a breather when you're feeling teary after going through that.

You can't expect to be the best work version of yourself at the moment. You need to cut yourself a bit of slack.

The same happened to me six months ago and I quit that job as a result. I was only four weeks into my new job when I found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned, but very much wanted after years of secondary infertility. I was on extended annual leave at the time, and I started to bleed on my first day back from leave. I was utterly and totally devastated when I was told there was no heartbeat, then I had to tell my new manager that I am/was pregnant and now I will have to take time off to miscarry the baby. I was off for a total of three weeks, I lost so much blood that I ended up in hospital. In a hindsight I should have taken more time off, but of course I felt guilty and was worried what the other people will think of me, and also I felt at the time that the longer I leave it, the harder it will be to get back to a new job I was still learning. I should had not given a shit really, as they were a total and utter disgrace after I returned. I was given no support, the manager didn't ask me once how I was coping, I wasn't offered phased return or part time hours, I wasn't referred to any kind of counselling or occupational health. Of course I found it difficult to concentrate, was very emotional at times and then I was told that "I was in a fog", I was floundering and they only allowed me to do desk job instead of seeing clients like I was some kind of danger to the public. Of course I was floundering FFS, I had just lost my baby and was still bleeding and trying to learn the ropes in my new job! By the way, both my manager and my colleagues were all women... says a lot really. Anyway, I decided to quit (even though I was very much wanted for this job at the beginning allegedly), I didn't have the energy to fight them, and it worked out for the best really. I now work agency and freelance, I can pick and choose my jobs, and it has also allowed me to finally start my passion to teach my own yoga classes which was pushed aside as a result of starting this new job. Maybe it was meant to happen like this, and if nothing good has come out losing my baby, it has certainly started off a chain of events which then led me to start doing what I am really passionate about and so his legacy will live on. My only regret.... that I really shouldn't had given a fcuk about them or about trying to fit in and going back to work so soon because I was worried what will they think of me and how I will cope. I didn't have the chance to grieve properly because I was rushing back to a job which matters nothing anymore... it's just a job.