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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Need someone to talk to - early miscarriage

24 replies

SquigglyOne · 28/02/2019 08:12

Hey all
So last night I had to go to the hospital after experiencing very painful cramps and heavy bleeding at 4 weeks + 5 days.
The out of hours doctor wasn’t particularly helpful just took a urine sample to confirm pregnancy (which obviously came back positive) and blood pressure etc. He then booked for me to go for a scan Friday to confirm what’s going on.

I don’t particularly want to have this scan because I feel i know my own body and know I have lost the pregnancy. Do you think I have to have the scan to confirm or could they just confirm from symptoms alone?

This morning husband has gone into work so feeling very alone and very sad. This was my first pregnancy and I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant after our first month trying

I know it was very early days and the pregnancy can’t really be considered a baby (I think the term is chemical pregnancy) but the loss is so painful. To go from being so happy and excited for the future to this is completely devastating.
Would really appreciate someone who knows how this feels to chat to right now xx

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mommato3 · 28/02/2019 08:22

So sorry for your loss. I had a mc 2 weeks ago so feel your pain. The scan is to confirm everything has passed normally and to make sure you don’t need any medical intervention. It’s for your own safety. If anything is left behind there is an infection risk and that’s the last thing you want right now. It’s a hard thing to deal with, I won’t lie. 2 weeks on I still feel like I haven’t fully accepted it’s happened. Mine was the day before my 12 week scan. These things take time to get over and there’s no right or wrong time scale. I’m here if you want a chat or feel free to inbox me. Big hugs at the horrible time xxx

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 28/02/2019 08:51

@mommato3 thank you for your kind response. It really helps to be reminded that I’m not alone in this.

I can understand the scan needs to be done to check everything out but it’s just gonna be heartbreaking to have someone else tell me what I already know, it’s like I feel ashamed for not being able to carry a baby.

I want a baby more than anything and DH keeps saying we’ll try again but I don’t know if I can put myself through this again.

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stitchwitch84 · 28/02/2019 12:22

@SquigglyOne it is a baby, never mind whether it was viable or not. Loads of sympathy. Yesterday I started on a second v early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy and am gutted (first was in Nov). Don't try to control how you react. Sending you strength and solidarity!

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 28/02/2019 12:50

@stitchwitch84 you’re right it was my baby and no matter how many times I told myself not to get carried away as it’s early days you can’t help but imagine your future together with your child. That’s what’s so cruel, being robbed of all the hopes and dreams I had for that child.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you twice xxx

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willitbe · 28/02/2019 13:48

@SquigglyOne firstly so sorry for your great sadness at this time. Be kind to yourself.

I have had numerous first trimester miscarriages, and my most emotionally difficult one was a very early miscarriage, some of my later missed miscarriages were less emotionally difficult to deal with. So be good to yourself and allow your emotions to be whatever they are as you grieve for your pregnancy and baby loss.

As for needing a scan, at 4 weeks 6 days, a scan is not absolutely necessary if you feel that it would be more stressful than helpful. What you would need to do instead is do a pregnancy test again in a week or two and check that it is negative at that point. Scans at this point would be inconclusive. If you by any chance have not lost the pregnancy, they might be able to see a small sac or foetal pole, but there would be no heartbeat yet, so they would be unwilling to say if this pregnancy will progress or not, so the scan might just cause extra stress. If you have lost the baby, then your uterine lining will still be thickened, so they will want to check that your hcg levels go down over the next couple of weeks anyway. So again a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks would suffice here.

If it were me, I would not go for a scan so quickly, but watch and wait to see what happens with the hcg levels (either by blood tests and/or home pregnancy tests). But if you want to double check if the sac has already been passed, then the scan should help.

Be kind to yourself right now, and let the feelings flow.

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 28/02/2019 20:01

Thanks for the advise @willitbe, very helpful.
I’ve had a good chat with DH this evening and if we can we will go ahead with the scan. I think waiting two weeks will drive me mad wondering if I really have lost the pregnancy, and I don’t want to cling on to false hope. I know my body and just know I have lost this baby 😢 xx

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Original poster

SquigglyOne · 01/03/2019 11:05

Just wanted to update the thread in case anyone else reads in the future for information.
Had my scan this morning and they confirmed no pregnancy present however a small piece of tissue still remains which they are hoping will come away naturally.
The nurse says she’s pretty certain I had an early miscarriage however has taken bloods this morning and I am to return Sunday for more bloods to make sure hcg level go down. She said she can not 100% rule out the possibility of ectopic pregnancy.

I’m really hoping the remaining tissue does come away on its own, however I have stopped bleeding. The idea of having to have it surgically removed terrifes me ☹️ As if going through a miscarriage isn’t difficult enough on its own.

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mommato3 · 01/03/2019 11:38

So sorry for your loss squigglyone. Take the time you need to recover and big hugs. I know what you’re going through and just how hard it is. I lost a largish piece yesterday and have finally stopped bleeding after 2 weeks and 2 days. Surgical removal if it comes to it isn’t a bad procedure. It’s quick and effective and could make it quicker for you. I appreciate you’d rather not, I was lucky this time, my remains were in my cervix so escaped any other intervention apart from what they removed manually but had I needed to I would have had it done. No matter what you decide it’s your choice. Here if you need a chat. Hugs xxx

sophied1983 · 01/03/2019 20:18

It's horrible isn't it. I got told at EPU that I'd lost the baby and I was on my own. My heart broke.

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 01/03/2019 20:50

@sophied1983 I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that on your own, I’ve been lucky to have DH with me.
I’m really struggling with the empty feeling, when i found out I was pregnant I was so so happy and it was all I could think about, I had so many plans and dreams for that child, even if I did only carry it for a few weeks 😢😢

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sophied1983 · 01/03/2019 20:53

Ours was due the day after our daughter's birthday. Trying to stay positive and think at least she won't have a lifetime of shared birthdays :(

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 01/03/2019 21:04

Everything about a miscarriage is so cruel. Not only is there the emotional pain but we have to actually feel the pain of loosing the baby - as soon as I felt the cramps I knew it was game over, and so much blood.

Hold your daughter close sophied1983 i am sure she will be a great source of comfort to you at this horrible time.

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sophied1983 · 01/03/2019 21:27

She's been my saviour.

mommato3 · 02/03/2019 10:21

So sorry @sophied1983 you had to go through that alone. Well here at mumsnet you’re very much not alone. Mine was due 6 days after my sons birthday so I can relate to you. Hold your little girl close. She will sense your pain. Big hugs xxx

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 02/03/2019 10:55

Miscarriage really isn’t spoken about enough. I had no idea how common it was until experiencing it myself. For something that happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies it needs to be discussed more xx

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mommato3 · 02/03/2019 13:09

No I agree with you there. For something as common as this you’d think it would be spoken of more but I suppose it’s just such a hard thing not a lot of people feel they can talk about it. Me and my OH are very open in our relationship and can talk about anything, including this. I do find good solace in mumsnet however xxx

Tobysmummy90 · 03/03/2019 15:32

Hello, sorry to hear about your losses!

I’ve just come across this post and I wanted to comment as I am currently going through a miscarriage too. I’m 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant but I started bleeding heavily 2 days ago, because it started in a Friday afternoon the doctor said nobody could see me until Monday so awaiting a scan tomorrow, feels like I’ve been waiting a lifetime.
I don’t even want to go tomorrow because I don’t want to hear the bad news (I’ve had two previous losses under differant circumstances, most recently in September) xx

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 03/03/2019 16:40

Hello @tobysmummy90 - I am really sorry you are currently going through a loss.

I didn’t want to go ahead with the scan either, there was just something about the idea of being told the worst which bothered me, however it was not as bad as I was anticipating and the nurses were very kind and understanding.

I have had two blood tests now to check hcg - the one taken 2 days after miscarriage came back 1800 and the one today 1300. Even though the numbers are going down they want to do another test in another 48 hours as they are saying the number is still quite high. It’s so frustrating - I just want it to be other so I can start to move on xxx

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sophied1983 · 03/03/2019 19:48

I hear you on the wanting it to be over. Been bleeding heavily for eleven days now.

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 03/03/2019 20:58

11 days?! That’s really rough ☹️ Xxx

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mommato3 · 04/03/2019 12:53

@SquigglyOne I know what you mean about wanting to move on. It’s such a terrible thing to have to deal with but remember you’re not alone. Big hugs... xxx

@sophied1983 I bled for 2 weeks and 2 days. I lost quite a sized tissuey looking clot then it all stopped. Did you need any intervention to complete the mc? Hugs to you too xxx

sophied1983 · 04/03/2019 18:24

Left nature to take its course. Regretted that when I found out they were refurbishing the toilets on our floor at work. Then the floor we're meant to use had two working cubicles as the rest had flooded. I could have cried.

MinnieLou · 11/03/2019 21:51

Hi, so sorry to hear of your loss & the other losses here too.

I too had an early miscarriage.. the day I found out I was pregnant I began spotting which led to bleeding for a week until the day I visited EPU I had an internal scan where they couldn't tell me exactly what was going on and as I got to work afterwards I miscarried there and then. I continued to bleed for a week after. I had blood tests to make sure my hcg levels went down and they did. I was 6 weeks. Had gone through symptoms, sore breasts, super bloated for it all to just disappear.

It's been 6 weeks since and I'm feeling worse now than I did then.. knowing this would be my 12 week scan and the time I would be telling people. I've found out that 5 people close to me are pregnant now too and as much as I'm happy for them I'm just struggling to cope mentally. We all do cope in our own way & no matter how early it may have been you shared emotions.

When I found out I was pregnant I joined Mumsnet, I then deleted it after finding out about my miscarriage, I only re-downloaded it as I am struggling to cope and knew there will be support available here and being able to speak to people who have been through the same thing. X

Original poster

SquigglyOne · 12/03/2019 08:17

@MinnieLou I am so sorry for your loss, miscarriage really is a horrible thing to go through. If you need someone to talk to I’m here or I am sure you will find loads of support from other members.
You’re right, everyone does have their own way of dealing with things. Personally the only thing that’s kept me going is knowing that my body can get pregnant and the thought of being able to try again.
I had my last blood test yesterday which showed hcg was down to 48. Done a home pregnancy test this morning which has come back negative. Me and DH have decided we’re gonna start trying straight away.
Any one have any experience with this? I know everyone’s different but any ideas when I might ovulate? The start of my miscarriage was 2 weeks ago tomorrow (Wednesday) xx

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