Struggling after ectopic and early miscarriage

[lanekim]

Hi my husband and I have been trying for a baby since July 2018. Found out I was pregnant in September but sadly had a miscarriage at 6.5 weeks in October.

We decided to try again straight away and I found out I was pregnant again in January. I started bleeding at 7 weeks and had an ache in my left side. Went to EPU and after a number of internal scans I ended up having a laparoscopy to remove my left Fallopian tube due to suspected ectopic. The consultant also removed my left ovary after finding a large cyst on it. He told me I have to see him again in a couple of months as he discovered i have quite bad endometriosis.

I’m recovering well physically from the laparoscopy but I’m just really worried about my fertility now. I was given a two week sick note but I’m considering going back to work early because I’m sick of being sat in the house thinking about how things have worked out and wondering if I’ll ever have a healthy pregnancy.

I’m just wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and could offer some advice or hope, really.

I can’t offer any advice but i just wanted to say i am so sorry for your loss. I found out yesterday I have also miscarried.
What I can say about your endo, my sister and my best fiend both suffer badly from it. My best friend recent gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, she had to have ivf as one of her ovaries do not work and the other only functions at 20%, ivf made it possible for them to have their baby girl.
Take care of yourself x

Thanks for your kind words and I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. It’s good to hear your best friend had a positive outcome 🙂

Hello OP, the exact same thing happened to me in the same months as you, except I didn't have an ovary removed. We decided to take a break and once we started trying again, I fell pregnant within 6 months. Currently writing this while baby is sleeping on me

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your medical history but I hope this provides some reassurance that it can happen. What helped me feel that I was in control was to measure BBT etc so I could pinpoint when I was likely to ovulate. It's true that fertility is slightly reduced with one tube so it was important to me that we time sex as optimally as possible.

Two years ago and I could've written your post myself. I had two mmc pregnancies, one at 8 weeks and one at 9 weeks in 2016.

Then in 2017 I found out I was pregnant again. At 6 weeks I started bleeding, had a scan, it was another mmc and they confirmed I was "empty" (seriously the sonographer said that)

Queue 4 weeks later, I collapsed and turns out they'd missed that it was twins, I miscarried one and the other was ectopic. My left tube had burst and was removed and my ovary was left but it was explained to me I'd probably never release an egg from it ever again.

Then in April 2018 I got another positive test much to our surprise, as it was our first go again of TTC and we thought it'd take forever. Got to six weeks and was booked in for an early scan due to my other pregnancy problems. In that scan a very rude Dr very bluntly said I was going to miscarry, there was zero chance of this pregnancy continuing (I asked him for a percentage) and did I want medical management. I said no and we went home devastated. A week later nothing had happened, had another scan and there was a heartbeat and a much bigger blur of a foetus.

And now today, I'm cuddling my 7 week old, and I know I finally, finally got there. I wish you so much luck and hope you have success soon. Even with only ovulating from one side I got there first try, and that one side can take over for both and produce an egg every month. I really hope you get a BFP when you're ready for it!

Hi, my partner and I had a miscarriage last May and then a ruptured ectopic in October last year where I had my right tube removed.....I am now almost 9 weeks pregnant and having had an early scan our little bean is in the right place and there was a heartbeat (amazing feeling) as I found out it was ectopic when nothing was found at the 12 week scan, we have our next scan in two days on Friday so have hope and be strong as miracles happen xxx

Oh lanekim, I'm sorry this has happened to you too. I also had an ectopic pregnancy this week, and I had my left Fallopian tube removed too, although not my ovary. It's such a head fuck, isn't it? I'm also sat about at home for a fortnight - feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

I am telling myself there will be a time to worry about fertility later (this was my first) but for now, I'm just going to sit with the pain, confusion and shock and let it come out however it needs to - maybe that would help? Am here if you want company.

I was in a very similar situation to you. I had an early miscarriage and then an ectopic 2 months later. I had the Fallopian tube removed and decided to take a 6 month break TTC as my head (and likely body) just wasn’t in the right place.

I’m writing this watching Paw Patrol with my 2 1/2 year old and feeding my 8 week old! There is hope. Although it is such a dark place to be. Stay as positive as you can and listen to your mind and body. Sometimes taking a break can be the best thing to do.

Hello @lanekim and @DuvetCaterpillar.

I am so sorry for what you have both been through and I hope I can join you.

I found out my pregnancy was ectopic last week and had my left tube removed. In July last year I had a miscarriage at almost ten weeks (found out when I was 9 weeks and baby only measured 6). I do have a 2.3 year old DD, so I don't want to be insensitive, but I would love some people to talk to who have been through similar.

I am 36 (37 in September) and I am now worried I am too old and my body won't ever have another pregnancy.

I am still off work following surgery and although I feel physically ok, mentally I am struggling.

I think miscarriage is hard enough but I am finding dealing with the ectopic extremely difficult and am so worried about my future.

Hi @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - of course you can join me, although I so wish you didn't have to, no one wants to be in this club! Hope you're as OK as you can be too, @lanekim if you're still reading.

I'm so sorry to hear about your earlier miscarriages, both of you - I can't imagine how painful it must be to go through this loss twice. This was my first pregnancy (I'm 34) and although we're keen to try again, the risks of lowered fertility or this happening again is definitely prickling round the edge of my mind too.

Want to talk? I'm here if so, either here or by PM. All the best to you both

Hi All

I realise this is an old post, but hoping for some reassurance myself. I had an ectopic in Jan, resulting in my left tube being removed. A miscarriage in May and one this month 😔

Both miscarriages were early and I just cant understand what happened

I'm 34 and extremely worried I won't have children. It gets worse as everyone around seems to be getting pregnant with ease.

Hi

So sorry you're going through this. Also thanks to previous posters who were so kind and supportive when I posted.

I really struggled to get my head around things at the time and took a break away from mumsnet so I didn't come back to this thread to reply and thank everyone for their kind words.

@AD1986 please don't give up hope. I'm currently doing my first round of IVF. Unfortunately, I had a second ectopic and had my other tube removed. I put it down to sheer bad luck but I'm hopeful that our IVF will work even if it takes a few rounds.

I agree it's really hard seeing other people fall pregnant so easily. You're 34 so time is on your side. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

@lanekim

Thank you so much for responding and I'm so sorry that you had to through an ectopic pregnancy. Im wishing you all the best with the ivf. How are you feeling?

I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but this time round I really thought it would he fine. It makes me feel stupid for thinking it would all be ok.

Thank you. IVF is the only option for us with having the two ectopics and both of my tubes gone now but I'm hopeful and optimistic. It's going ok so far. Working from home definitely makes the whole thing easier!

Don't feel stupid. You've been through so much and I know how upsetting it is when you've already had a loss and have to go through the same thing again. It's really unfair. I know it's hard to be optimistic but you're allowed to feel upset or angry - I definitely did and still do sometimes.