How do I not feel hurt by husband's actions

[Lunablue765]

So this week I've had a miscarriage and my birthday the day after. My husband was off the day I lost our baby an the day of my birthday but returned to work yesterday but came home for lunch to support me as I'm as you an imagine heart broken and bleeding heavily so I assumes he would come home today also but he stayed back at work to take part in his Friday football team game. Like wtf how is hanging out with your work mates more important than supporting your wife. He acts like he doesn't care and if I'm honest I don't think he does I've lost three pregnancies now all around the ten week mark and he has acted like this he even said afer my second lost the baby isn't real to him as he can't see it so how can he be expected to feel for something that wasn't real to him. Our marriage was hanging by threads after that he is a great husband and a wonderful father to our two miracle babies but he is so emotionally void he is acting like nothing has changed for me each time I feel so defeated by life how do we get through this again.

Hi @Lunablue765, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, the timing being around your birthday sucks and that you guys are going through a tough time. Is this his way of dealing with it all that's happened? My husband used to fly to another country a lot due to work, after my second miscarriage I snapped because it didn't seem like the miscarriages meant much to him, he always said as long as I am okay. But that rubbed me up the wrong way after the second one.. and I just felt like he didn't care because he wasn't present and he didn't take time off to look after me. But after we fought about it and just felt like our marriage was hanging on a thread.. but then I realised he was really hurt especially after my recent third one.. I can tell this meant everything to him even though he always told me he didn't mind even if we could not have kids. Have you guys spoke about it? It is a really tough time to go through and I hope you both can work through it

Hello firstly I'm sorry you've also been through the heart break of miscarriages x
We have spoken and he basically says he can't be upset about something to him that's just an idea it isn't real so he doesn't have any feelings towards it. I feel hurt he doesn't feel even remotely sad about it like to me it feels like it meant nothing and as a result my feelings also mean nothing. I can't expect him to feel things he doesn't for a baby that never got very far but I do think he should have some feelings about how I'm doing and what he can do to support me. Today shows me this his enjoyment and fun time overrode anything else because it just wasn't important x

I'm so sorry to hear about that Luna. Honestly, I don't want to fuel the fire but it's very insensitive if that's what he really means. As you say, I get that he doesn't feel the connection as much as you had but at least show that he's concerned about your well being. I'm really sorry to hear, it's such an awful time and just having someone there for you is so important - sending lots of love your way.