Should have been having a baby next month, instead I've just had an ectopic removal

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

Hi. I had a MMC last summer. Despite seeing a heartbeat baby measured small at a private early reassurance scan so I booked another a week later. The baby was gone. I miscarried naturally a week after that when I should have been 10 weeks (baby was only measuring 6). It would have been my second child and that baby would have been due on the 1st March.

Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again. But something wasn't right. My period was late and I had negative tests, then a faint line. Lines got darker but then the bleeding/spotting started and some weird pain. But my hcg levels were doubling nicely and according to GP I was merely anxious because of my previous loss. They tried to refer me to counselling but I asked for an early scan.

I came to my appointment at the EPU yesterday. The baby was measuring perfectly for six weeks and there was a heartbeat. But it was in my left tube. Whizzed up to theatre to remove it.

I am about to be discharged but how do I get over this? I don't feel I have had time to process this loss. I should have been having a baby next month and now I have one tube and another loss. Why isn't my body working anymore? Why can't I give my beautiful DD a sibling? My heart is breaking and I am so frightened for the future. Meanwhile everyone I know is pregnant and popping out their second and third with no problems. Why the fuck has this happened to me again?

@OhTheDramz I would happily take a four year gap right now. Thank you for sharing your story xxx

Not at all - don't worry. Obviously I am posting from the perspective of being out the other side - even though it still catches me unawares at times.

Hello. I thought I would come back and update everyone who took the time to reply and comfort me when I was feeling at my lowest.

I had my first period about 8 weeks after my ectopic surgery. The next month I found out I was pregnant. It was a big shock and I have struggled massively with anxiety and still am, but I am now 21+4 and have finally started to believe that this pregnancy might happen.

Thank you to everyone who was there for me when I needed it. I really really hope I can come back and update when baby is here. And for anyone else struggling, please keep hopeful xxx