Pregnant after Missed Miscarriage

[Neverbroken]

This will be a long post for that I apologise.
I’m writing this to offload but also to help with my anxiety and mumsnet community have always helped me and gave me sound advice.

In October 2017 I went through a missed miscarriage. I will admit I didn’t stop smoking cigarettes I believe that contributed to it and I’ve never quite forgiven myself & I wasn’t the best at taking the folic acid.

I was working crazy hours for an employer who had no concern for my wellbeing in all looking back I wish I would have taken better care of myself. I also had stress from a very complicated and difficult relationship.

I spotted quite early on with that pregnancy and worried every second. I went for a private scan & an nhs scan both had heartbeats one at around 8 weeks and one at 9 weeks. I’d finally started to let myself relax and think everything was going to be okay only to lose all my symptoms and go for another scan. I should have been 10+ weeks only to find out baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. It was the most devastating time of my life and quite honestly I don’t think I was ever the same person after that.

2 days ago I found out I’m pregnant again, yes unplanned but so much wanted. I did 2 CB tests yesterday one came up 3+ and another one a couple hours later saying 2-3 weeks.

My last period was 15th Jan ... When I took the test I realised symptoms were there (sore boobs, tired, nauseous and leaving my desk at work to pee every 30 minutes.) however just didn’t put it down to pregnancy.

My life is very stressful at the moment I’m trying to not let it get to me but I’m very worried. Lastnight evening time my breast tenderness decreased, I also didn’t wake up to pee in the night and haven’t peed a lot today. Although I have had some nausea, been very hungry. I’m worried because my breasts aren’t hurting as they were a couple of days ago, I also now have the herpes virus (please bear in mind I am with the same partner from the first pregnancy and have never cheated on him) I found out I had herpes December 2017.

This evening when using the toilet I had a stringy brown discharge when I wiped, this has happened twice after aswell. No red blood & no spotting and whilst I’m thankful for that I’m still scared this is not a good sign, I also have backache now.

I have had two abortions one at 15 & one at 21, judge all you want but I was a 15 year old girl being groomed by an older man. At 21 I was irresponsible and the fact that I did do that for no medical reasons haunts me to this day.

All in all I’m scared I’m miscarrying, or will miscarry again. I’m scared of the state I will be if I do because I know the state I was in last time, but most of all I just want my baby to love and I’m SO SO SCARED of going through all of that again. I’ve bought pregnacare the one for all throughout pregnancy. Does anybody know if this will change anything, can you recommend anything to improve my chances of a healthy pregnancy because really that’s all I want.

If you made it to the end of this thank you for taking the time to read.

When I worry I ask the same thing over and over again. I’ve stayed at my auntys for a few nights and told her what happened before and that I’m scared. I remember the last pregnancy telling everyone my symptoms had gone and something wasn’t right. I phoned 111, my best friends, my cousin everyone told me it was normal & I’d be fine. I felt so ignored and disappointed.

I can’t stop crying thinking about going through it all again.

@neverbroken I agree with @loti92 - please don’t beat yourself up for any previous life choices because each time you did the best that you could at the time. Do everything you can to distress but if you’re worried something isn’t right go to a doctor or EPU/GP/minor injuries/whatever it might be and insist on being scanned/checked. I just had a MMC after a successful first pregnancy three years ago and just knew something wasn’t right. Told everyone -y best friends, husband and midwife and everyone told me it was fine. And it might well have been. But now I kick myself for not pushing harder. So if you are worried, push to get some help and get them to reassure you that you’re okay. Sending you lots of love.

Thank you ladies. I’m not sure what to think at the moment. Barely any nausea today or breast tenderness or being tired. Beginning of the week it was all there, wondering if the pregnacare has anything to do with it or it’s the same outcome again

Neverbroken don’t be sorry for being scared. I have also had 2 terminations. My first was at 15 too. I was forced by an older guy. He was 21. The termination was my parents decidion. I went on to have a missed miscarriage at 20, 6 years later then went into have my daughter. I blamed myself for my missed miscarriage due to the termination earlier but that really wasn’t the case. I went through a house move when I was carrying my first child (after the termination and mmc) and that was plain sailing. I then had another termination (thanks to my now ex not wanting kids) before having my ds in 2010 and had my dd in 2012. Just under 2 weeks ago I had a miscarriage which replicated my 2000 experience. It was 6 years after my dd was born where my first mmc was 6 years after the termination. Had my body not started rejecting this pregnancy I would have experienced another mmc. I didn’t quit the cigs with my first born but this time I had. Only a couple of weeks before but I’d still stopped. And my life was stressful too. But it was more stressful in a different way while carrying ds and dd. My point is you can’t blame yourself. I know it’s easier said than done as it’s so easy to. We have to blame someone right? Wrong! It’s one of those things that unfortunately happens to hundreds of women. The amount of threads here proves that.
If you’re worried try ask for an early scan. I’m sure all will be ok. I think it’s natural to worry in early pregnancy but specially more so after a miscarriage.
Fingers crossed for you a nice happy, healthy pregnancy this time. I’m sure all will be just fine. Hugs xxx

Thank you for sharing you’ve given me some hope and pressing the sides of my boobs gives me reassurance just feeling the little pain. I’ve decided no private scans this time because what will be will be, I don’t do religion but I believe in God and he has the final say. All I can do is try my best.

Anytime hun. Bigs hugs and good luck xxx

Hey! Just wanted to update you guys I went for a scan a couple of weeks ago and was 10 weeks (private scan but they said due to how far gone I was should be quite accurate.) I got to see the heartbeat at first I was scared to look but once I saw it I couldn’t stop looking. Got dating scan with NHS tomorrow excited and nervous. Probably the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life with all the fruit and veg I'meating. I’ve joined the gym although haven’t quite found the energy to go yet. Thank you for all your support it is truly appreciated ❤️