MMC - ERPC - how long to conceive again?

[SARmum14]

Hi all, I had my ERPC last week after discovering a MMC the week before. It’s been a really horrific time for me. I’ve lost most of my immediate family over the last few years and death and loss is really triggering for me. I’m so lucky to have a DS who’s 3 and was conceived before I could even blink! Smoothest pregnancy ever and presumed this time would be the same. It took us over 6 months to conceive again and the news of the MMC has floored me. Now that I’ve mentally survived the ERPC I’m obsessing over fertility and conception. Does anyone have any info or experience they can share? Thanks in advance.

Hi SAR im so sorry for your losses .

I have had a few MMC following ivf and frozen transfers. I was advised at least one period, two to be on the safe side to allow hormones to settle. (I dont think the nurse looked at my notes though "fertility treatment").

Its so hard to have such a shocking loss and only time will heal. It can take up to two years (depending on your age) before the time taken to get a BFP (lack off) becomes a problem (I am aware that it is of no comfort to you but anything under a year is good in terms of how quickly you fell.) Please just remember you are not alone!

Please dont obsess you will only make yourself ill and dont be shy if you are struggling ....talk to your GP.

And watch out for any signs of infection this month please get seen immediatley if you dont feel right!

Thanks so much for your response and best of luck to you too. I feel so low and it feels like googling and reading ancient threads on MN is the only thing that’s in my control. This might sound like a silly question but do you know if you have to have a negative pregnancy test following MMC before it’s feasible for you to conceive again? Going out of my mind. So so sad.

I also had a mmc and was wondering when to start ttc again. At least you already have one child, for me it was my first and now I’m just terrified of anything related to pregnancy. I know that probably doesn’t seem like much of a comfort to you right now, but if you had a smooth pregnancy before I don’t see why you wouldn’t again. My doctor said to wait for a negative pregnancy test before ttc again, I don’t know if that’s for medical reasons (to let the uterine lining regrow after surgery) or just for dating purposes, but I guess I will wait until first cycle just to be sure.

No Its not a silly question honestly! Yes it would be best to confirm that no "tisues" (sorry hate that word) are left . By your next period it should all have cleared (sometimes a small chance of missing bits with the ERPC and you can still get a possitive as hCG needs to drop). If you have one period its also easier to date the next pregnancy. I have heard that you are supposed to be more fertile in the 6 months following a MC. Only try again when you are really ready to and at the very least when you have no more bleeding as you absoloutly do not want to risk infection!! (Waiting to complete one period is the advice that i was given again and again, Just so that you are aware your current bleeding does not count as a period). Are you still taking your folic acid ? I know its difficult to think about at the moment but its good to take it at least 3 months in advance.

@sadtoday21 I know you’re right and I feel so selfish for not being grateful for all the things that I’m lucky to have - DS most especially. I was so devastated by the news of the MMC that it’s almost like I’m now funnelling my sorrow into finding out about TTC again. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and hoping for you.

@scottishjaggynettle - thank you so much for your kindness and info shared. Means the world ❤️

So sorry for what you've been through. I could have written your post! I had the same, easy first conception then MMC and ERPC. It's a shock to the system and hard to deal with.
The advice I had was to wait for my period to return (took me about 5weeks) then to try again. Benefits were that it gave time for me to heal physically and mentally and also enabled accurate dating of any pregnancy. I only had one period before I fell pregnant again. DD2 is now 3 months old.
Try to relax and let yourself recover, which can take time. I found some of the info on www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk helpful and I tried to read this rather than the endless stories on the internet which made me feel worse. I wish you all the best xx

@louise987 your message just made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Can I ask you a personal question and ask how long to get a BFN after ERPC? I know it’s only been 8 days since mine but I was so depressed to have a BFP today. Im nearly 37 and desperate to start trying asap as worried about my age. X

@SARmum14 I completely understand what you mean about wanting to try again as soon as possible. I’m really sorry if my last post came out wrong - I didn’t mean to minimize your loss in any way. I’m sure it’s just as hard no matter how many kids you have. I wish I had some answers too - all I can tell you is that I still am testing “pregnant” ten days after surgery, so I think it takes awhile. It’s hard to see the positive result and know it isn’t real. I really hope you get some good news soon, women do seem to be more fertile in the 3-6 months after mc and mmc at least. Best of luck xxx

Sorry for your loss, MMC is the cruelest 😢
I had a MMC in September and the ERPC 3 weeks later. I got a BFN 2 weeks after that and my period 2 weeks later (exactly 4 weeks to the day after the surgery).
I then got pregnant on my next cycle and am currently 13w 6d, we’ve had 3 scans so far and baby is doing really well so fingers crossed for the next 6 months!
Just get your BFN and then you can start planning about TTC again, just relax though and don’t put so much pressure on yourself ❤️
I’m sure they said wait 2 weeks to take another test. All the best of luck x

@sadtoday21 no offence taken and I do realise that I’m so lucky to have a DS - he’s wonderful and even though he’s going through a daddy only phase (perfectly timed with the MMC) I know I’m lucky and am trying to keep some sense of perspective. But the loss of this baby has floored me. It’s taken time to a level of despair and sadness I didn’t know about previously. I think it’s so true what people say about MC and MMC - we all know how sad a thing it is and how common it is meant to be but until it happens to you you’ll never fully understand. That’s helpful to know about your own pregnancy tests - thank you for sharing. I know I should probably not have tested so soon but just desperate for everything to heal and move forward. We started TTC already even though the doc suggested waiting for my first period. I’m nearly 37 and so worried about my age so desperate to keep trying. My SIL is also pregnant and due the day before I was and I feel like I won’t be able to face her or my brother until I’m pregnant again. I know that’s mental and makes no sense and isn’t healthy. It’s just how I feel. So desperate to be pregnant again. Wishing you tonnes of luck. Xx

Oh my god! I found out my SIL is pregnant a week after my ERPC and I totally know how you feel. I’ve only seen her once since October almost like I can’t bear to see her as she has what I wanted. I totally know how you feel, and it’s such a horrible feeling, almost resenting them when it’s not their fault. She is 4 weeks behind where I was, it’s my original due date in a month 😔
Just take some time for you and try not to feel guilty for how you feel, it’s normal to desperately want to be pregnancy again.
You really shouldn’t TTC for at least 2 weeks after the ERPC as it increases your chances of infection so please be careful, it’s not long to wait even if you do try again before you have your first period x

You're doing great. Don't rush your recovery and give yourself a break.
Personally I didn't do any pregnancy tests after my erpc, I knew the results would make me more anxious. I tried to let nature take its course and like I said my period came back around 5 weeks later. Hopefully yours will do the same xx

Thanks so much @Lozsmith. I know it’s irrational but I’m so jealous and then have self-loathing on top of everything else for being so jealous. It just really stings and I am worried I’ll never be able to look them in the eyes again. And that their baby will be a constant reminder of the one I lost. I think that’s why I’m obsessing over TTC. It’s almost like if I’m pregnant again, it’ll make seeing them bearable? I think I might be insane. I realise how nuts this all sounds. Send help. And wine?!

Aww, yeah been there and felt exactly the same. I felt terrible as my SIL lost her dad a year ago so it wasn’t all wonderful for her, I kept telling myself that I had a lot of what she didn’t and maybe she envied me, that helped me to have sympathy and not so much jealousy. I messaged her to congratulate her and tell her I was hurt but she deserved to be happy, I would just stay out of the way for a bit, which actually made me feel better having it out in the open. I haven’t actually seen my SIL since we announced our pregnancy last week. But do you know what, it’s like those feelings have vanished. I don’t feel ANY resentment towards her now, because I have my own to think about. And we’re going to have two new babies in the family in the same year! Hopefully they’ll be close as they grow up.

Take the pressure off conceiving, just try at the times you need to try but then try your hardest to forget about it in between, easier said than done I know! I didn’t even realise I was pregnant this time, I only tested because I may have had to travel abroad and was around my period date. So I had actually not expected it. I found that when I didn’t conceive in the first cycle I kind of relaxed a bit.
Just tell people not to keep asking, that was the worst. My mum and MIL every time they came round ‘any exciting news?!’ Well no, otherwise I’d tell you, so fuck off. A few stern words and they backed off.
Time is the greatest healer, I promise you it’ll get easier ❤️ X

@lozsmith I didn’t realise you were pregnant - that’s wonderful news, congratulations!!! Wishing you an uneventful time with it.

Your message really tickled me - the bit about your mum/MIL is EXACTLY how I think and speak. Thanks for making me smile. And the advice. I know you’re right and it’s what I would say to a friend in my shoes. Is so much easier to dish it out than for me to follow! Thanks for your kindness and support. Best of luck to you xx

So sorry for your loss. I too suffered a MMC and subsequent ERPC with my first pregnancy. That was in April 2018. I was advised to wait until my first period, but that was only to make it easier to date any subsequent pregnancy, not because there was an increased risk of miscarriage if I fell pregnant before my first period.

I got my first period exactly four weeks after my ERPC. We started trying again after that, and I fell pregnant within four weeks. I was utterly terrified that this pregnancy would go the same way and didn't relax until my 20 week scan.

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl

Thanks for responding @cobaltrose96 and I’m sorry you went through it too. Congrats on your wonderful news - that’s so exciting!!! Best of luck with it all.

I've had three mmc and erpcs. I also have two wonderful children, the first born after the first two and the second after the last.
Advice I was given is that there is no real reason for a mmc and you are no more likely to suffer any subsequent mmc in a future pregnancy. Difficult to accept however when you are going through it and just recognise that your body is still dealing with hormones.....
It also happens mor than many people realise
Just have another go when you are ready............and good luck. X

@dannyboyle Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am obsessing over TTC. It’s worse than before the MMC when it took us a while to conceive. I know how lucky I am but with my DS I blinked and I was pregnant. And we were so naive then - didn’t consider there was a moment that my baby wouldn’t make it. The whole thing was easy and plain sailing. And then we started trying for a second three years later - we couldn’t financially afford another any sooner - but this time I’m over 35 and it took forever to conceive and then the news of the MMC. I feel like time is being robbed away from me. Does that make sense? I’m on day 12 post ERPC and already desperately TTC. I feel frenzied. Thanks for the well wishes. Here’s hoping... x