Scan tomorrow. Think this is end of road for us.

[Huncamuncaa]

I have a dc nearly 4. 1 mc before him. 3 after. The mcs have really affected my mental health. I ended up quitting my stressful job to cope and now doing something i dont love as much but doesnt give me anxiety.
We had a bad experience of private miscarriage investigations after nhs tests revealed nothing. Given the hard sell on fertility treatment by a not very nice doctor (literally worst bed side manner you can imagine, cried in the car park after every expensive appointment...)

A lovely gp referred me to someone else on nhs who she thought could help and give us balanced advice about ivf. I am borderline for everything i tested for and my husbands sperm is not great. The (much nicer) consultant talked us through our options and as we werent sure about going through ivf suggested we had another try this time with fragmin injections as well as aspirin.

Anyway, as there's been a break in time since last mc, new less stressful lifestyle, new meds was feeling really positive. But now im spotting with a scan booked in tomorrow...

OH and i talked it through rationally and agreed this was the last try. Dont think we want ivf as we're emotionally exhausted and mc tests depleted our spare funds. We know how lucky we are to have a healthy child. We just want to accept it and move on if this turns out to be the worst. I am, however, devastated. Dont think i have the emotional energy to go through this again. I just feel so sad and experience tells me the signs arent good.

I'm so sorry you've been through so much. I made the decision not to try again after two mmc (possibly contributed to by other health problems) and while it was hard at the time, I know now it was totally the right thing. Like you I'm feeling lucky to have 1 healthy dc and would rather expend my energy on her rather than on more potential heartbreak.

I hope you're able to work though all this together and hopefully make peace with whatever happens

I’m so sorry. What a series of bad experience you have had.
I hope you don’t mind me replying as despite three miscarriages I do in fact now have two children, and I really hope I don’t come across as insensitive to your situation or inappropriate.

I just felt when I read your post that the feeling that the MCs affect your mental health was something I also really felt. I also felt that due to the wobbly mental health and the obsessive thoughts about my cycles etc etc, I wasn’t being the best mum I could be to our daughter. I felt I had to make an active decision about how I wanted my life to look with one child and made work/career etc decisions based on that. I also had a drastic haircut and stopped thinking about my next maternity leave/having my hair sensible so I could have a young baby etc etc.

Eventually those changes felt genuinely positive rather than second best. I say eventually as I also think it’s really important to take time to grieve for the family you had dreamed of and the future you had imagined. Counselling if you think it might help.

Wishing you the very best.

Thanks both. You talk sense. I feel down at the moment and know its living in this limbo land and doing a non-challenging, child-friendly job, imagining it will be great after maternity leave.

If this is a my 5th mc, and im fairly certain it is, I need make a clean break from this emotionally rubbish and make decisions based on the future of the family i have.

Really hard though. I have a really small family and always thought i would make myself a big one. My son has no cousins and i feel guilty thats hes so on his own.

OP I've been where you are and it's awful. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I understand everything you have described. So sorry to hear you have had bad experience with med professionals. They are not all gems.

All the best for tomorrow.

Whatever happens, there's no need for hard decisions, just time to adjust and rebuild your strength.

Crossing all my fingers for you.

Thanks everyone. Really nice to know others have been here or are in this position. I feel like im surrounded by friends who manage to plan pregnancies to the month and plan their career accordingly.

Moonpeace - hope you get answers which help you

Hoping you had good news OP

It was good news! Little heart is still beating! Cant quite believe it and still worried about this pregnancy but so releived! Thanks so much for the support.

Oh what wonderful news, I have everything crossed for a healthy pregnancy for you OP! Xxx

So glad your scan we t well OP.

Just wanted to say I had 15 m/c before my DS, I've had 3 since him and we're on Clomid this month to have another go. So I know how hard it can feel to keep going.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts!! Xx

How lovely. So pleased for you. I hope you have healthy pregnancy.

Fantastic news OP

That’s great news! We’re just trying to decide what to do re: TTC our second - it took 4 years and 3 non-straightforward MCs before we conceived DS, I spent my entire 3rd trimester on inpatient bedrest with him, and now we are trying to work out if we can face a second round.

Best case scenario we have no problems at all. But far more likely is another four years of misery and medical interventions, spoiling my precious time with DS while he is little, and wrecking what is left of my career... but I would love a second DC. And I’m 40, so can’t put off deciding forever or the decision will be made for me.

Congratulations on good scan @Huncamuncaa.
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant on aspirin and fragmin. I hope all continues to go well for you.
This pregnancy is after two miscarriages and a stillbirth at 27 weeks due to placenta problems.
I am glad you seem to have found a supportive consultant, sometimes I think that can be a huge factor along with the drugs.

Thanks again for your encouragement everyone. I'm still terrified and, in some ways, more so as the pregnancy goes on but 2 week scans are helpful. Got an 8 week scan on thurs which was when they detected a slow heart beat with my last pregnancy so im quite nervous.

I do think the medical staff make so much difference.

Sashkin, I dont know what the answer is. It it so complicated when you have one. I wish i had known what a miracle my ds was and how difficult it would be to have another. I just took for granted we'd have as many as we wanted. Accepting we have fertility problems straight after having a healthy baby has been difficult. Deciding to put yourself through it all again with a small child is so hard. It is such a personal choice.

The one thing Im finding hard about this pregnancy is the lack of celebration beween me and my OH. At this stage of all my other pregnancies we'd had at least a few happy chats about what sex, possible names etc. Apart from asking if im ok, he wont talk about the pregnancy or the possible future. It is definitely one last try for us, I know we cant do this again!