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Insane jealousy - please help calm me down.
11

QuickQuickChange · 20/01/2019 15:41

We moved to a new area a few months ago where we know nobody. After a while, a school mum (let's call her Ava) seemed to take me under her wing. She was a little interfering but we got on well and had a laugh and I was glad to have finally made a friend!

I got married last summer and started TTCing straightaway. Was v lucky to conceive first try, but unfortunately started to miscarry on my honeymoon. It was a very dark time for me, and Ava was supportive.

However, after that she seemed to drop me like a hot shit, leaving me constantly wondering what I'd done wrong. She pretty much blanked me at school. Never text me any more (used to text me almost constantly).

Then out of the blue in November, she sent me scan pictures. No warning, nothing. She told me she was 12 weeks pregnant with twins. I congratulated her but was gutted. Just couldn't believe it... Especially as she proceeded to tell me that she and her DH weren't getting on and had had sex once during the whole of 2018 and she'd only found out she was pregnant at 10 weeks. Great.

She's just found out that the twins are a boy and a girl. I KNOW I'm being unreasonable but I'm so fucking jealous. They're due in a few months and I'll see her every single day in our older children's classroom.

:(

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mummmy2017 · 20/01/2019 15:47

You have too step away from the hurt.
Your time will come, you will have more babies. Your in a loving relationship, while she may have trapped herself in a make do one...

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QuickQuickChange · 20/01/2019 15:53

Thank you @mummmy2017

I want this anger to go away! It's no good when I have to face her most days. I know I'm pathetic

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herethereandnow · 20/01/2019 16:50

She has done you a favour and left your life, let her go, you don't need that toxicity in your life. Your new rainbow baby will come and you will find new friends. You sound lovely so it won't take long.

Join a club, get involved in the community and leave her to sort her own dramas out.

The anger will leave you the less you think about her, remove her from your social media, get busy and practice yoursmiling face as you say hello while walking by. You don't need to engage with her.

Everyone has a season, yours is coming. Sending you hugs and support xx

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SLEm · 20/01/2019 16:59

You are not pathetic at all! It's normal to feel this way.
Did she know you had miscarried?
Is it possible she was pregnant at time and felt guilty for being pregnant, leading to her to withdraw from you?

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QuickQuickChange · 20/01/2019 17:14

@herethereandnow thanks so much. I'm working on doing more in the community but I'm finding it hard to know who to trust any more!

@SLEm she did know about the miscarriage. I thought that she had withdrawn from me because she was pregnant (due when I would have been!!) but then she said that she hadn't found out until 10 weeks along. She'd cut me off way before then. So it can't be that!

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SLEm · 20/01/2019 17:22

@QuickQuickChange
Well she just sounds like a horrible person, you're better off without her xxx

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Bennyismydog · 20/01/2019 17:24

I’m sorry for your loss op.

Do you think she might be telling you she didn’t find out until she was 10 weeks along and they only had sex once, because she’s trying to play everything down in order to protect your feelings?

Also if she disappeared off the face off the earth she might have had horrendous morning sickness and didn’t want to rub it in your face, it can be worse with twins.

She may have also told you by text because generally everyone says that when someone is TTC it’s always best to announce pregnant news by text so that the recipient has time to process their feelings alone.

I’m sorry your feeling so bad at the moment, but if she’s been a good friend it the past I’d give her another change if it were me, she may be trying to protect you in even if it’s in quite a clumsy way.

Also you’ve named her in your op.

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Bennyismydog · 20/01/2019 17:24

Oh sorry just seen you made up her name. I misread that line.

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QuickQuickChange · 20/01/2019 17:49

@Bennyismydog yes definitely a made up name! I do get what you're trying to say but she has said a few bitchy things to me over the short months we were friends... I don't think she's doing this to be nice. I get what you mean about the text thing as well but I didn't really need to see the pictures :(

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Bennyismydog · 20/01/2019 18:00

Yeah I agree OP you didn’t need to see the pictures.

If she’s been bitchy too and you don’t get the feeling she’s being nice then you’re probably best to just cut your loses and phase her out without making it too obvious.
I was wondering if she was clumsily trying to look out for you, but you know when someone is being a bitch I agree.

I agree with others make yourself busy especially in situations where you will face her it will help you.
See if you can get chatting with any of the other mums when she’s about or even stick some headphones in on the school run so you’re clearly busy and don’t have to hang around making small talk with her. I had a school mum at school who never had anything nice to say, so I saved as many messages as I could to send while waiting at the school gates. I was concentrating on my phone which stopped her from trying to engage with me. Something like that will stop her talking to you and will also distract you when you need it.

All the best op. Flowers

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WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 20/01/2019 18:09

Cut her out of your life OP, it'll only bring you more sadness.

The feelings you are having are very normal. I have 2 DC now but the struggle to have them both was years long and very emotional. I remember my friend becoming pregnant while I was in the darkest of places and to my shame I wished she'd miscarry. I'm absolutely appalled at myself for that and often think about it with regret but when you are in the depths of struggling to TTC your emotions aren't your own.

Please be kind to yourself and there's nothing wrong with removing yourself from people who make you feel sad

ThanksThanks

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