How do you get over a miscarriage?

[jpclarke]

I have had 1 chemical pregnancy, 1 missed miscarriage, and a miscarriage in the last 2 years. The last two happened within the last 6 months and I am just struggling. The miscarriage happened over Christmas and I am still numb, I feel I haven't grieved that loss at all. I just can't shake the sadness of it all despite having other children. Which I think makes it worse because I know I can carry babies. Any suggestions of how to cope? With work and running around after the kids, I haven't managed to fit in a counselling session and I am a bit afraid of what that might bring up for me because of other issues.

I couldn't just read and go. I also have had two miscarriages and know your sadness. All I can say is, honour your feelings - whether that is anger, heartbreak, grief... Whatever it is. Speak to people - your partner, family and friends and use the forums. I read fertility books to help me including, It Starts With the Egg, which helped me feel like I could prepare to try again. Really getting your pain, sister. Sending you hugs and love xxx

I’ve had 5 miscarriages. 3 missed ones where I only found out at a scan. At the time it was awful. I have 3 children now, and I look back at my miscarriages as
Simply a part of my medical history. There was a reason those pregnancies did not last and although I remember his upset and distraught I was at the time, I Am quite unemotional about them now. I don’t get upset at due dates. There was obviously a
Reason those pregnancies didnt take, and is rather a miscarriage at 12 weeks than 24 weeks. However, if you’d have asked me after the first 2, before I’d had a child, I would have answered differently. I and 2, then a baby, then 2 more, then a baby, then one, then a baby. It is very hard when you think you will never have the children you so
Desire.

Sorry for all the typos! Trying to breastfeed and type!

I've had so many miscarriages, but I do have three beautiful boys. I've tried the "time heals" part of things, I've tried the "I have children so I'm lucky" side of things, but I still hurt and I still remember. 10 years of miscarriages and I have names for them all.

It sounds pathetic, but it's horrible. Time does numb the sadness and pain, and I do look at my boys and feel so lucky and happy that I have them. It does get better, you just have to find your way of coping xxx

It's just the sadness of it all I am struggling to shake off, but thank you all for sharing your stories. When I had my first miscarriage it was between child 2 and 3 and I didn't feel the way I do now. Maybe it's because I did have a successful pregnancy after. I wonder if it really is true that I won't fully heal until I have another baby? Has anyone managed to heal without having another baby?

@jpclarke I'm sorry for your losses. For me, I don't think you ever actually get over it as such, I think for me it'll always be there. I haven't had any further pregnancies since my MMC but I feel that even if in time it does happen and I am able to have a successful pregnancy/birth, my little lost baby will still be with me. I'm still working on ways to keep putting one foot in front of the other

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and everyone who has responded. I have had a miscarriage over the Christmas period. Even though it was over 10 years ago for me, sometimes it seems like yesterday. But the sadness fades. It's hard over Christmas time I think, because there is so much going on, and I don't know about you, but I found it really hard to "publicly" grieve when everyone else was celebrating new year, and Christmas etc. Give yourself time, be kind to yourself and seek support from friends if you need it. You have my deepest sympathies.

I totally agree with @cheeseiflife8. I don’t think you get over it, you just learn to cope with it. 7 years on and I still think about my baby every night. I’ve got a memory box with my scan pictures that is placed facing my bed so my baby is with us. Certain days are harder than others. You learn to carry on and you learn when to give yourself time to grieve. Don’t be afraid to talk about it, the people closest to me know to give me hugs and space to cry when I’m having a hard day. You’ll learn what works for you. The pain might not go but in time you’ll find a way to function again.