My sister in law is due to give birth anyday now, and I’m struggling to cope. I had a miscarriage earlier in the year and my baby’s due date was a couple of weeks ago. I feel awful because I don’t want to make things awkward but I’m really angry at them.
I had a missed miscarriage and found out at 11 weeks. I had to have the embryo surgically removed. 3 days after the operation my brother in law told my husband his partner was pregnant (with 3rd baby). He knew I’d had a miscarriage but didn’t think to be sympathetic to my husband with the news.
2 weeks later at our house, we had family round for my mother in laws birthday. I was putting food out and my mother in law answered a call from her brother. She excitedly told him that my brother in law and partner were expecting, but it was ‘another accident’ and made some joke about how many accidents can they have (other 2 kids were unplanned). It made me feel really stupid, I was just stood there, still recovering from the miscarriage, and she was making jokes about unplanned pregnancies.
Then I found out my brother in law was planning to announce the news to his grandma that evening at our house. My husband managed to stop him before he did it. I left the house to go for a walk in tears.
Later on sister in law came over to speak to me, to say how sorry she was that I’d had a miscarriage. That was nice of her, but I told her I couldn’t talk about it yet.
Then 2 days later, at yet another family party, everyone was talking about the new baby and making more jokes.
It’s been fairly awkward with my brother and sister in law since them. I’ve tried to avoid seeing them, but I love their kids and don’t want to miss out on family events. My husband spoke to his mum about it, but not his brother.
I don’t know how to react when the baby is born. I can’t face seeing them with the new baby, it really hurts. I’ve not been able to get pregnant again yet, I’m still sad about the miscarriage and they made me feel like my feelings didn’t matter. I don’t want anything to do with them, but equally I don’t want to create a bigger divide and never get to know my new nephew.
Sorry for the huge post. Has anyone got any advice?
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Nephew due after miscarriage
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oscarlen · 30/12/2018 22:11
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