Sharing our experience of a missed miscarriage at 9.5 wks

[AMT37]

Hi, last year when we sadly lost our 1st baby at 9.5 weeks into PG I had so many questions and struggled to find information. I thought therefore that sharing our experiences might help others. Im now 38 but last year we got PG in July and from early on we had brown spotting - this can be okay and you can go on to have a healthy baby but you need to get checked out by your doc asap as it can also be a warning of a m/c. Things improved and we had a clear 6 week scan - we had this due to age and bleeding. At the 9 week scan we were sadly told there was no heart beat - to say that we were devastated is an understatement. I still felt so pregnant. We were given the options to have a managed m/c which are 1) wait and see 2) take misophil which is a drug to switch off your pregnancy hormones and start the m/c 2) have the delightfully named Evacuation of Retained Product of conception (like a DNC). We waited a week to see what would happen and to absorb the news. Nothing happend so we opted for the drug option - we were advised that the ERPC as an invasive procedure could cause scarring and carried a greater risk of infertility - no quantification of this risk was given tho. We had the drug option in hospital (tho it can be taken at home). It took several hrs for anything to happen and when it did it was very emotional - its like a very heavy AF and of course you pass a sac and what was your baby - ours was the size of a walnut. It was v. hard as we had to give everything to the nurse via a bed pan. I didnt really experience bad pain until after which was as a result of my uterus contracting - I didnt know about this so was scared but strong pain killers helped. I bled for about 1.5 wks after which was like a heavy AF. 2 weeks later we were scanned to check all clear but sadly it hadnt worked fully and there was some material left. To prevent infection we then had to have the ERPC anyway! I now know there is a 70% chance of success with the drug option. The ERPC involves a general anaesthetic but lighter than for a major op and after a 12 hr wait we were in and out within 30mins. I had light bleeding after but only for a few days. My AF returned after one month but have been quite irregular since - sometimes 10 days late. The emotional impact tho has been huge - far more than I could imagine. I blamed myself and I developed a tremor (mostly arms and hands) and had my 1st ever panic attack - tho unknown to me I was sat next to a lady who turned out to be a stress and anxiety therapist! The doc was quite unhelpful so we had to research the cause of my tremor to make sure it wasn't anything else - an osteopath described my symptoms as similar to those who experienced a car crash trauma - the nervous system cranks up leading to tremor and startling. A study in America found that up to 50% of women who m/c experience these symptoms and a few have post traumatic stress disorder. Having said that I dnt know anyone else who has had this. But if you do experience shakes and startling at least you know what it could be - but always get checked out. I have found Reiki and reflexology to be very helpful and some 10mths on am much better. I also found meditation a great help to relax. We are still trying again but no success so far. My DH took a long time for the emotional impact to hit - I think he was so worried about me he held it all in. So often the guys get forgotten and whilst I tried to support him immed after the m/c I was not in the best of states. He eventually broke down 5 mths later and cried and cried - he felt so much better after that. I would recommend that you try and get your DH to talk to others as well as talking to you. We have discovred how common m/c is 1 in 4and that it can happen for no apparent reason. We found an excellent book - Surviving Miscarriage - you are not alone by Stacey McLaughlin who is a psychologist and has had a m/c. This really helped and is on Amazon. We still grieve, feel its unfair and occasionally cry but we are trying to focus on the future and hope to be lucky next time. Whilst I fervently hope that none of you have to go through this I hope that this sharing helps those of you who do. Remember that as hard as it is you do come through it and everyone has a different experience. Our midwife summed it up - she said that I'm sure you'll go on to have other children but this will always be your first. Love and baby dust AMT37

I haven't read your whole thread as it's a bit heavy going, but I had missed mc 10 weeks 4 years ago at 41 after a long time trying, that managed m/c just added to my misery as it didnt' work and I was in hosp 3 days before they did a d+c. I thought that was going to be my only experience of pregnancy so you can imagine our heartbreak. But happily nature kicked in for me late in life and I have 2.6yo and 13m ds's now. At the time I thought that it was the most terrible to thing to happen but now I accept that it was part of the journey I had to take to get the babies I have now.

I had a missed m/c at 9 weeks and went on to have ds (now4) and dd (2).

Could you perhaps re-do your first paragraph with some spaces - it doesn't read very well on a lot of computers and I would hate it to put people off reading your story

All the best.

Hi, reposted message with paras in - hope it reads better. Sorry its so long.

last year when we sadly lost our 1st baby at 9.5 weeks into PG I had so many questions and struggled to find information. I thought therefore that sharing our experiences might help others.

I'm now 38 but last year we got PG in July and from early on we had brown spotting - this can be okay and you can go on to have a healthy baby but you need to get checked out by your doc asap as it can also be a warning of a m/c.

Things improved and we had a clear 6 week scan - we had this due to age and bleeding.
At the 9 week scan we were sadly told there was no heart beat - to say that we were devastated is an understatement. I still felt so pregnant.

We were given the options to have a managed m/c which are 1) wait and see 2) take misophil which is a drug to switch off your pregnancy hormones and start the m/c 2) have the delightfully named Evacuation of Retained Product of conception (like a DNC).

We waited a week to see what would happen and to absorb the news. Nothing happend so we opted for the drug option - we were advised that the ERPC as an invasive procedure could cause scarring and carried a greater risk of infertility - no quantification of this risk was given tho. We had the drug option in hospital (tho it can be taken at home).

It took several hrs for anything to happen and when it did it was very emotional - its like a very heavy AF and of course you pass a sac and what was your baby - ours was the size of a walnut. It was v. hard as we had to give everything to the nurse via a bed pan. I didn't really experience bad pain until after which was as a result of my uterus contracting - I didnt know about this so was scared but strong pain killers helped.

I bled for about 1.5 wks after which was like a heavy AF. 2 weeks later we were scanned to check all clear but sadly it hadn't worked fully and there was some material left. To prevent infection we then had to have the ERPC anyway! I now know there is a 70% chance of success with the drug option.

The ERPC involves a general anaesthetic but lighter than for a major op and after a 12 hr wait we were in and out within 30mins. I had light bleeding after but only for a few days. My AF returned after one month but have been quite irregular since - sometimes 10 days late.

The emotional impact tho has been huge. I developed a tremor (mostly arms and hands) and had my 1st ever panic attack - tho unknown to me I was sat next to a lady who turned out to be a stress and anxiety therapist!

The doc was quite unhelpful so we had to research the cause to make sure it wasn't anything else - an osteopath described my symptoms as similar to those who experienced a car crash trauma - the nervous system cranks up leading to tremor and startling.

A study in America found that up to 50% of women who m/c experience these symptoms and some have post traumatic stress disorder. Having said that I dnt know anyone else who has had this. But if you do experience shakes and startling at least you know what it could be. I have found Reiki and reflexology to be very helpful and some 10mths on am much better.

We're still trying again but no success so far. My DH took a long time for the emotional impact to hit - I think he was so worried about me he held it all in. So often the guys get forgotten and whilst I tried to support him immed after the m/c I was not in the best of states. He eventually broke down 5 mths later and cried and cried - he felt so much better after that. We have discovred how common m/c is (1 in 4)and that it can happen for no apparent reason.

We found an excellent book "Surviving Miscarriage - you are not alone" Stacey McLaughlin who is a psychologist and has had a m/c. This really helped. We still grieve and occasionally cry but we are trying to focus on the future and hope to be lucky next time. Whilst I hope that none of you have to go through this I hope that this sharing helps those of you who do.

Remember that as hard as it is you do come through it and everyone has a different experience. Our midwife summed it up - she said "I'm sure you'll go on to have other children but this will always be your first."

Than you for sharing AMT37. I have had a few mcs and healthy babies myself. Have you been in touch with the MIscarriage Association www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ at all?

Hi AMT. I am very sorry to hear about your mc.
I think it is good to share since many people who haven't gone through something similar just do not know what to say and can be quite insensitive.

I had missed mc last september, followed by incomplete ERPC, then another ERPC which lead to a cervical stenosis, then a third one...

To me it was very interesting what you wrote about the tremours. I start shaking physcially when women get on and on about their pregnancies (not always, sometimes I am fine), which can go on for hours. I have learned know to just leave, even if impolite (in a sense their impoliteness is greater than mine, at least if they know..) They also do get better with time for me.

I hope you will conceive again soon and have a healthy, second baby.

I also had a early miscarriage. My experience was unpleasant from a physical point of view but I can't really say it has had any lasting effect emotionally on me. we haven't tried for another baby yet

Hi AMT

Thankyou for sharing your story. It's a great thing to do for others.

even more helpful with the paragraphs, your an experienced mnetter now

I just wanted to tell you that it does get a little better when you concieve again. Wishing you lots of luck.

although your midwife was right you will always remember.

Sadly i've had three m/c but i'm pg with second dc. It's coming up to one year since my last m/c

I try and focus on all the good things i have but not always easy. Maybe i'll need 3 dc to make up for my losses.

Have you seen the trying to concieve after m/c thread, it's a lifesaver.

Good luck

Hi there,

thanks so much for your messages of support. Uki so sorry to hear about your 3 mcs - I wish you all the best with your 2nd dc.

Glimmer - I'm so sorry - it sounds like you had such an awful time. I've really found reiki and massage to be very helpful as well as something called Thoughtfield Therapy and just finding someone lovely to talk to about it all! I still get my tremor back if I'm a bit stressed but a lot of it is mind over matter now and distracting myself.

Wishing all of you all the luck in the world with your current pregnancies and future ones
love
AMT

Hi amt37.
Wow what a story i too had a missed miscarriage we found out at the 12 week scan and had been bleeding lightly since about 6 weeks preg but cause there wa no pain they were not concerned.
Had medical management which i would never have again as everything came away but the sac and had to have erpc didnt stop bleeding for 4 weeks and had another scan to find retained products and had 2nd erpc.
Anyway april and may were pretty shit but given a bit of time and ALOT of crying i do think you start to feel more positive.
Ive just had my first period since and am feeling a bit better knowing that in couple of weeks there is a chance i could get preg again.
I look at it that at least we got preg so something obviously works right.
I love what your midwife said to that this will always be your first which is so true because alot of people are quick to dismiss pregnancies before 12 weeks that it wasnt really a proper baby.
Which can only come from people that have never been through the pain of miscarriage.
I hope for you as well as me that in a few months we'll be on this website tellng each other that we are preg again
Good luck!

hi

just saw this forum its 6am & I can't sleep all I can think about is the missed miscarraige I was told about today when going for a private nuchal fold ultrasound in my 11th week of pregnancy which turned out to be the 10th week according to the u/s
there was me worried there might not be a foetus & how embarressed would that make me anyway there was a foetus My BABY which the sonographer said didn't have a heartbeat she was a hard woman
my fiancee & I heard nothing? not even my bodys noise is that normal there was complete silence? do you think she was searching for a heartbeat in fiqures which would show on the computer screen

I'm so confused & terribly sad & upset I can't stop crying I'm 39 & this is my first pregnancy
I waited because I am now with mr right hes not perfect but he is my mr right

I'm beating myself up was it the hot bath I took a few days ago or was it painting the kitchen ceiling last weekend that did it? the hard sonographer said it probably happened about a week ago

she left the photos out which are meant for my dr why didn't she send them on herself when I left or hand them to me in an envelope? I think it wrong she just left them there on the table which I looked at I saw the babys little hands & everything she then gave me some leaflets & told me there was a couple in the waiting room & we might want to be discreet

my fiancee was angry about that should we have left through the back door? so we wouldn't hinder those waiting to see their probably normal & happy ultrasounds & tarnish the private screening centres reputation?

I just need to vent right now which I'm sure some people on here can understand & should anyone have some much needed advice that would be good

I think I'm going to have the op to remove the feotus rather than take the tablet they give you or wait for things to flush naturally I couldn't handle that its bad enough thinking my baby is still in here
I'm booked into the hospital on 25th feb but can change my mind between now & then

I feel sick to my stomach while writing this

I've had no spotting or bleeding of any kind since my last period which was 6th dec

the babys heartbeat which I was told & read on the report was merely listed absent

should I request a second scan/opinion when I arrive at the hospital for my own piece of mind should there be such a thing

I really wanted this baby & want to try once more when things have settled
the sonographer said I should wait til I've had a normal period first but when might that be? before trying to conceive

how does all of this including the op affect my chances of a normal pregnancy in the future

thanks for reading this

Haven't read the whole thread - apolgies.

My consultant told me than whilst its really common - 1 in 4 but recurrent miscarriages get rarer. ist time in 1 in 4, 2nd time is 1 in 16, 3rd time 1 in 32 and so on.
I've had 4 miscarriages before my beatiful daughter was born: the first was at 17 weeks, then 9 weeks,then 12 weeks and 8 weeks and 1 more after she was born at 6 weeks.

I still think about my first, he/she would have been 6 last November. I think of all of them but there is something very special about the first time you find out your pregnant.
We're trying just now for a brother/sister but I think this is our last serious try - I'm getting too old and its so heart breaking to keep losing them.
I was never able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy with my daughter, it was always will she/won't she stay.

I emphathise completely and you do blame yourself, only try not to punish yourself because the mind's a funny old thing and it may kick back later or worse you bury it and then it can really mess with you.

Hope this thread has help, you're not alone.

hi booradley

I'm saddened by your losses too

whether recently or years ago it still hurts & a life is a life no matter how young the foetus is it is still a baby

talking is a good thing

your thread helps

thankyou

Thanks you AMT37 for sharing your story.

I am now 35 and remember being told that babies ruin things. I wanted to have the career, own home and Mr Right to share parenting with and so in my early 30's, we embarked on become parents. Month by month, I watched friends and relatives produce children and even accepted some criticism "well you are selfish" all because I distracted myself whilst patiently waiting. I was told it only took once !!!!!!!!!!!

After 2.5 yrs - I accepted that perhaps a little assistance may be required and following referral to a fertility clinic, we were advised there was no specific reason for our infertility. So imagine our delight when we discovered we were expecting in July last year.

Unfortunately the pg failed and we lost our baby whilst being monitored by the local hospital.

At the time, I would have given it all up for that baby - I didn't give a damn about anything but this child and so we entered a new era. For many months, I appeared to function ok, colleagues at work who knew my sad and sorry tale considered me brave - in truth I was barely functioning, I had no interest in maintaining relations with family and friends. Getting up and going to work was my limit.

Our baby would have been due next month and I know I will be ok. My relationship is stronger than ever, my friendships weaker, my hard a little harder perhaps and I am wiser for the experience.

Perhaps one day I will be a parent, for the moment though its not mean't to be at least not for me.

Sad1, I hope you read this and it brings a ray of sunlight - in the meantime as the early pregnancy unit advised after a second and more recent m/c. If I could tell you to stand on your head in the corner to prevent this, sure enough you would be over there. This m/c was outside your control.

If you need to talk there are some great threads on MN - it certainly saved my sanity.

Wishing you well, plant a tree - cry lots and one day you will wake and realise things can only get better.

hey ppl?? i got a ?... i found out i waz pergo with my 2nd kid on v-day and waz alittle scared but happy and last night i started bledding a little then all day today i have been in pain then tonight i have a big blood clot come out??do ya'll think im haveing a miscarriage? and should i go to the hospilte every one keeps telling me two?? help me what should i do?[hmm}]

Thank you for sharing your experiences here.

BooRadley Your experiences made me want to write. I had a missed miscarriage last month, it too was discovered at my 12 week scan. I had to walk in front of a packed waiting room about 4 times while I was crying my eyes out. It was horrible and while some of the staff were kind there was really no where private for me to go.

I waited for a week but nothing happened so I had the op. it was over very quickly and I didn't really have much pain physically.I did ask for a 2nd scan first which put my mind at rest.

I'm also 39 and would really like to try again but don't know if I could handle things if they went wrong again.

I hope you feel better soon and pleas remember it was nothing you did or didn't do. xxxx

thankyou to those who responded & sorry I haven't been on in a while

I went to hospital for a d&c on the 27th feb the op was fine but it was before that wasn't

I waited in the hospital ward on the 26th from morning to night only to be told the op would be the next day
I then decided to go home & go to hospital for the op the following morning

4am PAIN like nothing I've experienced
5am rushed to hosptital
I was in LABOUR

I was having major contrations which one of the nurses told me they never tell you about with missed miscarriages
the pain was that bad the dr had to inject morphine but even that didn't take it away it maybe took the edge off but that was it had I had the d&c the day before I wouldn't of had to go through all of that

it's been just over three weeks & I'm still an emotional wreck up one minute down the next

the bleeding stopped 6 days ago but then started spotting the other day & today not sure whether that might be a period coming ot it might be too early for that

is it the residue from the d&c or a period?
the bleeding or spotting is just a reminder which makes it more upsetting & makes the whole experience more emotional

still think it was painting the kitchen ceiling & door that may of made my baby's heart stop! am so frigging angry

don't want to speak to friends about it because they haven't been through it

feel like I'm in meltdown fed up with being strong constantly

I thank you for reading this & for those understanding where I'm coming from I wish you lots of baby success!

it does help to talk

Hi Sad1
Your message bought tears to my eyes and I felt I had to post a reply.
I had a d&c 3 weeks ago-went for scan at 7 weeks, no heart beat . As the baby was exactly the right size for dates the doc said it must have died in the previous 24 hours.
I have spent many an hour thing why did I do x or y within the day before I had the scan. Nothing you did had any affect on your baby- I am fortunate enough to have 2 dc and when I was pregnant with them I painted, gardened etc.
As regards how you are feeling and talking to other people, I have found it hard to talk to my close friends about it as I am always regarded as the 'strong' one. However, there is a girl at work who has had 2 mmc and has given me so much support. I am generally fine now but have the odd wobble which I will tell her about but noone else. Perhaps if you have a friend in mind who is very supprotive you could talk to her.
hth in some way, I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through now.

Sad1 nothing you did had any effect, I had 3 MC one at 9 weeks, one at 10 and one at 14.. I stayed in bed and didn't do anything for the last and she still didn't make it.. I felt each one I lost was a girl.. and have went on to have 3 very healthy little boys..
I went through a long phase of being very angry..
Name you baby.. make it something real to grieve for.. if it feels right.. you can ask to take your baby to bury him/her.. she is yours!
I am so sorry for your loss
Lots of hugs love and luck

This thread is so sad and I feel for every one of you who has been through this tragic process.

It's so common for women to miscarry, but so uncommon for us as women going through the process. And that's what the medical profession don't seem to realise.

Strength to all of you at this time when it's needed and good luck for your futures....

hi rosie jellies & everyone on this thread

thankyou for your messages don't want to bring tears to anyones eyes though!

its been just over 5 weeks 3 days since the d&c & had my first period a month on from the op

went to the gym on thursday but then spotted the next day probably shouldn't do any ab exercises

still gazing occasionally at my babys scan picture & still feel somewhat of a failure

had shitty things happen to me in the past & this was going to be my little miracle of joy not just for me but for my parents too

fiancee hates it when I tell him I wish I was like him busy with work sorting finances worrying about day to day things like he does but I can't seem to get past the hurdle of losing my baby

he thinks I'm too much of a thinker analising & dwelling on things & that he's been through it too

I'm aware of that but its not the same

the letter from the sonographer said the baby was 10 weeks I'm sure I conceived on the 19/12/07 even so my baby would of just lost their heartbeat hours or a day before it seems too close to the date of conception

I realise millions of women have been through what wev'e been through but it still hurts

this thread really helps & I want all of you to realise your messages mean a lot

I feel guilty that I'm not over it like my fiancee seems to be not that he is but he is moving on like I mentioned with day to day things

I'm not making much sense but I'm sure you'll understand

then I think losing a baby at birth or a few days from giving birth must be much worse my aunt for example had a still born even though that was fifty years ago she must think about her she was a beautiful girl had lots of dark hair & was called maria

next week I'm going to phone the hospital to ask whether they have the results from pathology then might ask where & when the memorial takes place think theres a garden of rememberance & you can sign a book which I might do

I don't think my fiancee wants to but I do & he'll do it for me

has anyone done that

I think they give the babies a christian burial there won't be ashes or anything the nurse told me thats why theres a book

it makes me scared to think I might go through this twice should I become pregnant in the future

going to wait for a few months then see how I feel

need to lose weight too I've put on over a stone & a half since december

just want to tell everyone thankyou THANKYOU for your kind words you have been there & are a big strength

love & baby success to all of you

I'd just like to say thanks to everyone brave enough to tell their stories. I'm pretty sure I'm going through my second miscarriage, the last was in December at 11 weeks, I'm 8 weeks now and started bleeding. I know it could be other things, but because of the last miscarriage, can't really believe it could be anything else, and there's some feeling in my uterus, maybe not cramping, or maybe I'm thinking about it too hard.

It does help so much reading other women's stories, feeling not alone, as I go through this. Have been checking the loo paper every single time since I got pregnant, haven't felt confident or relaxed once, but still getting blood today was a horrible shock. I'm 36, I know the chances of miscarriage are quite high now. I am lucky to have a beautiful daughter and will try again if this pregnancy doesn't work out, but it is such a hard thing to do, physically and emotionally, and I've had 2 weeks of hideous morning sickness, so if it was all for nothing and I have to begin again from scratch (if LUCKY enough to get pregnant) that's another quite hard thing to take.

And on top of all that, having to have it off with dh again! Thought I had a year off.

Its 4.40 am and am reading this.
Have had 2 mmc, Oct 07 and Apr 08.
Reading all these posts at least I know that I am not the only one to go through difficulties.

My periods have never been irregular and had my last one 5 weeks ago. Have not had a preg test yet - will leave this to the weekend.

Am in 2 minds when to go to the doctors - can't go through all the paperwork and blood tests only to find I may have mmc again. I may go at 8 weeks and push for an early scan.

I know everywhere you read and are told that it is nothing we have done - but I would like to know why have I had 2 mmc and not a normal miscarriage?

When you get to a certain age the risks are higher and they will only look into things after mc 3 - why?

Surely when you are pg in your 30's + if they look into pros levels etc to begin with there may be less chance of mc.

Sorry to go on - but no one else to talk to.

4.40 am???? That's my time to not sleep and think too much too. I have had 3 mmc in 10 months (latest was a month ago) and ask that question 2 - why missed and not normal. All at 7/8 weeks. I have a healthy 4 year old so know my womb can do it. Keep reading all the posts, so many people have babies following recurrent miscarriage, this one could be THE one!! I am working for a lady at the moment who had 7 mmc and is 32 weeks with her first child after going to St Mary's and is on aspirin/heparin. Try and be positive (and get some sleep). Go do that test and be strong. sx

Hi

Have done pg test and it has come out positive - here we go again

Congratulations! Please try not to feel like that. I am going to ttc again this month and will probably feel the same but you can conceive so you at least have a chance. Are you just a tiny bit pleased???