Invalidating Comment about Miscairrage

[hopeinthingsunseen]

I just had a miscarriage and it was my first time being pregnant. I had someone tell me she knew what I was going through because she had been told she miscarried but a few days later found out she hadn't. She had the baby, has two healthy children and has never had a miscarriage. I know she was trying to help but it made me so angry. It's like telling a cancer patient you know what they're going through because you were told you had cancer but found out a few days later you didn't. Is it normal to feel angry about that sort of thing? It just felt so invalidating.

Yes it's very normal to feel angry! I had an occupational health nurse tell me that my miscarriage at 7 weeks wasn't a big deal, "just like a missed period really" even though it went on for weeks and I was traumatised by it. People think they're being helpful but I do wish they'd think before they speak!

It was an insensitive thing to say. People struggle to know what to say in these situations, they want to try to make you feel better and sometimes they get it wrong, I think it was unintentional but I can understand your upset.

I had my first mc last month and couldn't believe the amount of insensitive comments!

My mc was also at 7 weeks, and I had so many people tell me i was 'lucky'...lucky to have an earlier miscarriage, lucky it happened on a week day (so hospital saw me straight away), lucky to already have a child (and yes i do feel lucky to have my son, but I would also like another child!)

I had the 'late period' comment many times, so invalidating, your don't name a late period!! or imagine holding a late period!!

A loss is a loss, and no one has the right to invalidate what your pregnancy meant to you. I had a close friend, who has had 3 mc (but also has 3 beautiful DC) tell me to let myself grieve, remember the date, remember what would've been the due date - and I will remember and acknowledge all of those dates because they are part of me and my family story now.

Normal to feel angry. That person is an insensitive twat