miscarried in april feeling really down.

[AxMxY]

I had a missed misscarriage in april after we found out at my first scan that there was no heartbeat. I had an erpc after medical management was unsuccessful, then another in may after they found retained products i am now awaiting my first period since.
Im getting the feeling that its coming and am a bit scared as i dont know whether to expect a horrendous one or not.
Anyway i thought i was doing really well but lately am really feeling down.
A girl at work is only 3 days ahead of what i would have been and has just had her 20 week scan when i would have had mine. Ive been fine with her at work and she has been brilliant but sometimes i think that people think that you are 'all better' when your just being brave and really im so upset inside.
The amount of people that ask if im feeling better now and i want to scream that i havent had the flu and im never going to forget about it.
I cant stop looking at pregnant people not through jealousy but just sad for what i was going to have.
Also my next door neighbour broought home her new baby girl today.
I just feel that im never going to have that i know people have been through this more times and i dont know how the hell they coped.
I want to start trying as soon as ive had my next period but im scared stiff of this happening again, finding the dreaded blood when you go to the toilet.
I just dont think you realise how much you want it until its taken away and at the moment i dont feel like it will happen again.
Lucky that ive got a very supportive husband who knows just what to say but its not quite like talking to someone thats been through it too.

So sorry for your loss. I know it really sucks as I have had 2 mcs. It is especially hard I think when you are around people who are where you would have been. Actually it is bloody hard whatever. Didn't want your post to go unanswered. So hard to know what to say but I did find it helped to not feel like I was the only one even though obviously in some ways I wished I were. Sorry not to be too coherent.

RBH thankyou for replying i dont think that there is much you can say either but as long as its not 'are you better!' it just helps to talk to others that have been through it.

axmxy - sorry about your loss.

In answering your question re first period -it may be a bit more heavy and go on longer than usual but I dont think it should be more painful (have had 2 m/c).

whilst you never get over it , I do think it takes a long time to get to be able to live with it. I would say it was probably nearly 6 months before I stopped having the feeligns you did - one of hte worst was that not many people knew about the m/cs (they were both quite early) and that whole feeling of putting a brave face on it when you feel so bad is just vile.
But it does get easier -one thing that helped me was planning a treat to look forward to with my dh - we planned a holiday. Have you thought about doing something with your dh to really treat yourself (whatver that might be)? You've suffered a loss (plus a fair amount of physical stress with the m.c) so deserve to treat yourself.

CAT me if you want to talk x

I also know what you're going through. It took me a long time to be able to even think about my 2 m/cs without my eyes filling with tears. It's just so unfair why they happen and why they happen to you (and unfortunately plenty of others). After my first m/c my periods were quite heavy for a while, but it was different 2nd time around, infact I conceived again fairly quickly (my 22-month DS2 who's currently refusing to settle down in the cot). TBH no-one who's not been through it can fully understand how it feels - that's why it's great you can come on here and express what you're feeling to people who've been there. Take care and take the time to grieve.

(((hugs))) I am so sorry. I also have had losses (2 this yr) and know the feeling of looking at pregnant people and thinking what should have been. I also have had some awful or naive comments xxx

Thankyou so much for your replys something to look forward to sounds like a good idea.
This website has been an absolute godsend thanks for taking time to reply.