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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

How do I deal with the loss?

6 replies

Blank0307 · 09/12/2018 21:53

Hi,
Last week I lost my second child at 10 weeks although she passed at 5 weeks. I say she as I feel like she was a she. I’ve carried a boy before and this felt different. Definitely more sassy. Name a pregnancy symptom and I had it. I didn’t even know a twitchy eye was a symptom before she came along. She certainly got me in some awkward situations during her little life.
Anyway she came out at home and I’m wondering what I should do with her? I don’t want to bury her as we rent and I couldn’t bare leaving her if we moved. I’d like to cremate her but I don’t know if this is even an option. I want to keep her close.
I’m just finding it so difficult. She existed but yet she’ll never have a birth or death certificate. I want to tell everyone about her and let myself imagine what she’d have been like. I was the only one that felt her presence so I feel like it’s my duty as her mum to let the world know about her.
Is what I’m feeling normal? I feel like I’m going insane. I’m husband is very supportive towards me and how I’m feeling but doesn’t want to talk about her. Mainly because as a man who deals in facts he doesn’t believe she was a girl and as we will never know I guess he’s put up a wall to protect himself.
Anyway I guess what I’m asking in short is how do I move on now? I still want her part of my life but is that normal? I want to talk about her all the time but is that going to help me?
Thanks x

OP posts:
SarahET · 09/12/2018 22:38

Hi, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl, do you have a name for her? I'm afraid I don't really have any advice but I do know what you're feeling is totally normal. Your baby matters and you should talk about her as much as you want. If your partner struggles perhaps there is a support group or other family member/friend you can talk to.

Blank0307 · 10/12/2018 13:17

Thanks Sarah. I’ve woke up this morning in a more positive mood. If that’s even possible? I’ve decided to phone my midwife to see what my options are in term of her remains. Does anyone have experience of cremation?
I still don’t know if thinking/talking about her 24/7 is helpful in moving on but I guess it’s how I’m coping right now.

OP posts:
SarahET · 11/12/2018 07:22

Was the midwife able to give you any advice? Our maternity unit has an early loss support group, does yours have anything similar?

SootySweepIt · 13/12/2018 15:00

I lost one early which hit me so hard. I was sure he was a boy. Like you hubby didn't want to talk about it (still doesn't like to now) but one thing we did do was buy a memorial tree in a pot. We used that to bury a letter to the baby and the last positive test (I didn't have the remains) but it has moved house with us and always will. It made me feel better to know we'd honoured our little one and will always have a reminder of them.

SootySweepIt · 13/12/2018 15:01

Loss is so hard. I'm so sorry for you, hope you continue to feel better.

Skybooks · 13/12/2018 20:50

Hi I lost my baby on Tuesday evening however it was confirmed at my 12 week scan on Monday that they were gone.

I know exactly what you mean, I like the idea of a potted tree. I'd been thinking of an ornament or candle.

It's such a surreal experience, I think anyway you can deal with it just keep doing it.

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