Just had a miscarriage

[MsG]

Hi there, I've never posted before but been reading posts for a while. I was in my 11th week of pregnancy and had a miscarriage two nights ago. My husband and I are really shocked and upset obviously. I just want the miscarriage to stop so my body can get back to normal and we can try again. I feel guilty too because I was really struggling with being pregnant - I have OCD/depression and being pregnant was making this worse, and so part of me feels relieved that these symptoms have now lessened, which of course makes me feel bad. I really didn't want this to happen and know it's not my fault really but it's so hard.

Really I just wondered what it's like after a miscarriage. We are worried that we'll be terrified if I get pregnant again in case it happens again. Any advice?

Sorry for going on so much. xx

Am rubbish in terms of advice as never happened to me but just wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss and how brave I think you are for coming on and asking for advice.

It's never anyone's fault when a woman miscarries so please don't take that on board, you and dh need to be strong for yourselves and each other so keep talking either to him or on here, good luck

really feel for you MrsG - sorry that you have to go through this.

I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and felt "ok" after a few days but then got quite weepy and scared it would all happen again.

I'm sure it's quite normal to feel that. It took us another year to get pregant and, when I had a bleed at 12 weeks (same time I had previous miscarriage) I got "very" scared that it was all going to happen again and vowed that if it did, I wouldn't get pregnant again. There are so many emotions and hormones whizzing round your body and mind it's not surprising things get confused.

Hang in there.

(I now have a gorgeous 4 month old BTW so things can get better )

its not your fault at all, nature causes miscarriages. i had a m/c at 11 weeks, it was really hard to accept because we'd seen a heartbeat at a previous scan, then a couple of weeks later i started to feel ill instead of pg.

it is so difficult to give you an answer about will it happen again, for me it did, as i had another one 3 months later, this time at 7 weeks, but, a year to the day after the second one, i gave birth to a ds who is now 2

every pregnancy is different, just because this has happened once does not mean it will happen again. and now your body has had a taster of all the hormones that come with being pg, you may find that next time is not so much of a struggle for you.

you need to allow time to recover from this both mentally and physically

Thank you so much, it is really nice to get support. I have felt really angry today. It really helps to be able to hear from others who have gone through it. xx

Poor you - it's a horrible, horrible thing. It does get better though and you will feel loads better once it's finished.

My only advice is just to go with how you're feeling - allow yourself to feel how you feel rather than how you think you're 'supposed' to feel (if that makes sense).

Of course you'll worry when you get to that point again in subsequent pregnancies but 11 weeks is a very short time in terms of the whole pregnancy. Once you start feeling them move around and stuff you'll find you're much less worried.

Take care (((MsG and husband)))

Thanks. Is it normal to want to try again asap? I just can't bear having to wait. I don't know if I could stand it if I had more miscarriages. How do people cope with the disappointment and upset?

I feel as if the floor's been taken out from under my feet, and I've been thinking about everything, my job, where we live. Is that normal too?

I know it's natural to be upset but I just feel kind of empty like there's nothing to look forward to now. Sorry to moan. I'm sure I will feel better soon.

Rach x

Also - if the bleeding stops, is that usually it or can it start back up again? x

MrsG poor you, I have had 2 mc and they are so much harder meotionally than I thought they would be. I just didnt get how devestating they are until I had experienced itmyself so dont think you are over reacting.

From the moment you know you are pregnant you are 100% into it and you cant help making plans, being excited, when will you stop work, will it be a boy or girl, its impossible not to eush headlong into the excitment. So when it doesnt work out all your plans and hopes arw gone too and that is very hard to handle. I know you said your despression worsended in pg but you obviousy really wanted this baby.

I think wanting to get pg straight away is very normal. If there was no reason for the mc I think you just have to go for it and hope all is going to be ok. I am now 26 weeks pg and there are lots of stories on here of pg after mc so dont give up hope.

Hiya MsG. Sorry to hear about your loss.

I think the normal medical advice is to wait until you have had one period so that you can date any subsequent pregnancy, but physically, there is no reason to wait. I think some people prefer to wait to make sure they're emotionally capable of dealing with a new pg, but it is very common to want to try again asap, I believe. I would have thought that once the bleeding stops, that would be it.

It definitely makes subsequent pg's much harder to cope with emotionally as you tend to be scared to hope that it's all going to be okay and fear the worst. The first trimester is particularly scary for obvious reasons, but there is a pg after m/c thread with lots of lovely ladies who are very supportive and know what it is like. There are also a few of us who have had more than one m/c, but are nevertheless looking like we're on for successful pg's.

Whenever you decide to ttc, I hope that your next pg is long and uneventful...

Dear MrsG,
I am very sorry for your loss. Mc is normally followed by an emotional roller-coaster and anger can be part of that (it was for me...).
I really can't add much to what has been said.
I found especially Jules post reflected very much what I would want to say. Just allow the feelings you have -- they are part of the natural grieving process. There will be good days and bad days for a while.

Mumpbumps links are also very helpful.
There is a 'TTc after mc' and a 'pregnancy after mc thread' that have been life-savers for me. Check the TTc out when you are ready... Women who have been though this will understand much better what you are going through.

As for the physical aspects you ask about:
for me once the bleeding had stopped, it had stopped but I read many times, that it often starts again after a week or so. This can be normal or a sign of a problem, so you would want to monitor it. As for TTC, I think there are not really medical reasons why you shouldn't try again as soon as you are ready, but if I had to do it again, I would wait until I would have had a negative home pregnancy test because otherwise you do not kow if a test is positive because you are pregnant again or because of left-over hormones. I found this uncertainty difficult and in my case is was a sign for a problem (incomplete mc). So I would recommend taking a gg-test once in a while to see if it is negative (I know it's horrble when you still see a line there although you lost it...)

Thank you, everyone. You are all so nice and supportive.

I'm going back to the hospital on Friday for a scan so hope it might all be finished by then.... I guess I just have to be patient. Thanks. xx

Had my scan yesterday and the doc said my womb is clear now. Funny how it almost felt like good news when a few weeks ago it would have been the worst thing in the world. I suppose it's just a relief to know that my body is getting back to normal. Means we are a bit nearer to starting to try again.

Am having ok days and then days where I feel really overwhelmed and tearful. I think I'm going to try to go along to a support group as it might really help us.

x

I was the same at my folow up scan when they told me there was nothing there - relieved as i didnt want a d&c and happy in a way as i could try again. Its bloody awful but it does get better. As for ttc again i have heard you can try straight away though the sho at the hospital said she had read some artical which said to give it 3 months or the risk of subsequent mc is slightly higher. We havent waited but due to my cycles being wierd and mid cycle bleding Im more worried about not being able to get pg then losing another one.

Thanks, Spugs. It's so bloody confusing, different docs say wait different lengths of time! How are you supposed to know what's best?

xx

so sorry MsG - I have no experience of MC but have had OCD (which went haywire when I was pregnant) - if I can help at all ?

so sorry about your sad news, no personal experience of this distressing awful event, but im sure u will receive good sound advice from other MN ladies many of whom will have had a positive outcome hth

Hi doughnuts, how did you deal with the ocd when pregnant? I have it all the time anyway but it definitely got worse when I was pregnant and I didn't want to take any meds but might have to in the future. xx

It was with me before being pregnant but being pregnant made it a whole lot worse - constant fear of germs and being unablwe to eat lots of stuff because I was so scared of harming my baby - my hands were very sore from all the washing - in short,it made things v tricky. Didn't have any meds but my doctor was fab and kept an eye on me. After ds was born I struggled with the palaver of sterilising bottles and preparing feeds - so the contamination things was a big deal...But I did get through it and gradually everything got a lot better, but it definitely added to the stress of having a baby and the time immediately after the birth.
Have you had Cognitive behaviour therapy ? it definitely helped me when I had it (several years before birth of ds)- plus I've recently had hypnotherapy for anxiety which is brilliant for relaxing,though I don't think it has made a difference to my OCD though to be fair I wasn't having it for that purpose.

I'm really sorry to hear your news. Firstly, let me say that you must take it easy on yourself and not push to feel better immediately. I remember going through a really low patch about 3 months after, when I felt I couldn't seek support from other people as I should have got over it by then. I called the miscarriage association & spoke with a lovely woman who made me feel so much better.

Next, I'm sure I've read somewhere that miscarriages can sometimes be a way of your body having a 'dummy run' before a successful pregnancy and far from being an indication of anything wrong, they're just your body's way of preparing for better luck next time.

Hang in there. I have had 2 successful pregancies since & have 2 wonderful children. I remember how devastating my miscarriage was as I felt I couldn't trust my body for a long time into my next pregnancy.

Big hugs.

im so sorry my heart breaks because i have been there twice now i have katie and it shows to keep trying i remember thinking why me and feeling so low so im here if u fancy a good chat