Help after miscarriage

[Bec321]

Hi

I'm not a mum and haven't ever posted on a site like this but I need help dealing with a miscarriage. I know that there are lots of posts on miscarriage but wanted some specific advice.

I've always wanted to be a mum and longed to have a baby. We finally decided the time was right, I had a miscarriage soon after finding out I was pregnant. This was four months ago and I'm still gutted. At the time I tried to get on with things as normal quickly throwing myself into work. Maybe I didn't take enough time to heal at the time I just didn't want to make a big thing out of it.

We got engaged very soon after and I now planning our wedding for next May. At the time this was a welcome distraction. I don't feel overly excited for the wedding and Christmas also feels like a massive chore. Since the miscarriage I think I'm getting better then something happens and it all comes back. I've mostly stopped crying but think about it every day. This week has been particularly bad as something happened that brought it all back. Im struggling to concentrate and having really odd dreams. I feel like I need to deal with this or it's going to get worse or spoil the wedding.

Does anyone have any advice or can share their how they felt months later.

Sorry for such a long message!

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have experienced this and remember the see-saw of feelings. I just wanted to say that as with any bereavement, it is normal to still feel very sad four months later - and to have good days and bad days.

A couple of things really helped me. First of all, I worked with lots of women and so many of them told me that it had happened to them. This didn't make me feel any better, but it was good to share stories - as I realised that I wasn't alone.

The second thing was that I joined the Miscarriage Association - and read a book by Lesley Reagan, as I wanted to understand what had happened - and why (but often it is very random). The Miscarriage Association had a newsletter and I used to focus on the positive stories.

I think that everyone has to find their own way, as nothing can prepare you for such sadness - but hope that some of this might be helpful.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your post, thank you for the response. Your guidance was helpful.

So sorry for your loss OP. How are you doing now?

I had a mmc a few months ago and I am also still experiencing the emotional seesaw. Sometimes it feels a little better, then it all comes back in a rush. It really helped me to be here, plus as pp said the miscarriage association are helpful too.

I wonder if we ever truly recover but instead find ways to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope you've found some peace and also some excitement in your wedding planning

In my own case, I would say that as with any bereavement, the feeling of intense sadness gradually lifted - but took a long time.

One thing that really helped me was (difficult though this may seem), was to focusing on information that helped me to move on. For example, the Miscarriage Association had a newsletter in which members sent in their accounts of successful pregnancies following a miscarriage. My GP told me a similar story, as did other women. In addition, the Lesley Regan book contains lots of helpful medical information.