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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Still birth, bad visions, panic attack!

7 replies

MommaCinders · 17/11/2018 19:45

In the past four months since losing my little boy, I’ve barely stopped long enough to take it in. Especially over the last month or so as we’ve been facing an impending eviction, the autopsy results and consultation came through, I’ve had numerous doctors appointments for one thing or another aswell as two children to care for, one and ten and plenty of phone calls to make regarding one housing issue after another housing issue. Not to mention all the packing we’ve had to do and everything that comes with being kicked out of your home with nowhere to go. So this evening, whilst my LO had his daily nap...later than usual...I went and had a shower and then ran a bath to relax. But that isn’t what happened... I didn’t relax. I thought. I thought about my baby. At first, it was all nice things, picturing the day I get to hold him in my arms and see him looking up at me and smile for the first time. Not seeing his eyes is something that has really stuck with me so picturing that made me smile. But then other images were popping into my head. When I put him into his coffin, by which time he was about four weeks old, (because of the time of year family members had holidays booked etc so of course he was even more fragile) I was so scared of something bad happening as I moved him but then his head flung back and his mouth came open and it made me scream. I cried and apologised over and over. So I’m sat in the bath and I try to think of nice things again, his little pink face. Holding him in my arms and the feeling it gave me just being close to him. But then the time I walked in to the funeral parlour and the director had put make up on him and he looked absolutely awful popped into my head it was so horrifying that I gasped!! It hadn’t been done with care and I ended up putting it right myself. So again I try to picture his beautiful face and his older brother holding him, how perfect he was and I smile to myself briefly before the worst vision of all comes into my head. It’s black and cold and I can see a Moses basket on a rocker, going from side to side, the basket and the hood are black too and he’s crying, just crying constantly and no one is there to pick him up and comfort him...this is hell. I’m sat in the bath completely frozen, I feel so heavy and I can’t move. I want to get out because I need to make these images stop but I can’t. I can feel myself start to panick so I try to call my partner but he can’t hear me. I manage to eventually get myself out and I go into the living room where my partner is and he starts talking to me about something else but I say nothing. He asks me if I’m ok and I said no. He asks what’s wrong but I can’t tell him because now I’m thinking about it again and I’m getting upset and the more I do i can feel my throat getting tight and I’m trying to control it but my partner is now panicking which is making me panic even more. Within a few more seconds I’m in a full fledged panic attack that’s lasted about five minutes but felt like forever. I’ve never stopped thinking about him so it wasn’t like this was the first time I’d let him enter my head by far...even I had tried to block him out I wouldn’t have been allowed to because everything I watch has something to do with miscarriage or stillbirth or children dying, so why did this happen today. Has anyone else had these kinds of images? Is my baby in hell? Sorry it’s so long and thank you if you’ve read it all

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 17/11/2018 19:49

My brother and partner lost a baby at 22 wks. They have had a lot of support for a charity called Sands. It might be worth contacting them.

bump98 · 17/11/2018 19:57

your poor mama, so so so sorry for your loss. your baby is definitely not in hell, please don't torture yourself over that, there is nothing more pure than a baby. please go to your GP and ask for a referral for counselling or other services like that, it sounds similar to what my aunt suffered about she had a stillbirth, she was diagnosed with PTSD, I obviously can't say that's what you have but I think it would be helpful for you to see someone. Sending you love xx

herethereandnow · 17/11/2018 20:01

Hi Mommacinders, wow it sound you have had a really bad spell of things lately. I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss. I don't really know what to say except I can definitely tell you your darling wee baby is not in hell, your baby was too special for this world and knew all the love in the world from you when he was in your belly and also when your loving arms. He took a shortcut to heaven without question.

You sound like you are in turmoil, and it sounds so exhausting, you poor thing - I wish I could give you a hug and make you a cup of tea. This is the hardest thing you will probably have to go through and you are being so brave. You are doing all the right things but this is so a dark sad time for you - go easy on yourself. Have you spoken to your gp about your visions, panic attacks and thoughts? Maybe counselling would help - to get things out off your chest but also to give you some you-time too.

We are all here for you, sending all the love and support in the world.

xx,

Miami81 · 18/11/2018 12:54

@MommaCinders I am so sorry for your loss. Please, please try and seek help. I am not a professional but it does sound like you may be experiencing ptsd.
I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. We lost our baby girl last year and a lot of what you have said really strikes a chord with me. I have been in counselling for the last 6 months and have found it very helpful.
Please get in touch if you want to chat. Thanks

MommaCinders · 18/11/2018 15:02

Hi everyone, thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding. We have had an assessment for family bereavement counselling about a month ago now but it could be a couple of months before the sessions start as there is a waiting list. These visions and the panic has never happened before but I assume having that time to just stop without anything distracting me allowed these thoughts to flood in. I was prescribed anti depressants shortly after but tbh I haven’t been taking them, along with everything else health wise I forget so easily to take all the pills I’m supposed to but I have a tray now so hopefully that’ll help me keep them organised. I’m going to write down what happened last night and anything else I feel I need to during the time we’re waiting for the sessions to start. I see my doctor again in a few weeks anyway about my iron levels and thyroid levels so will mention this to her then.

Thank you for the offer to talk and don’t be surprised if you find a message from me as I don’t have many people to talk to these days. Would love that cup of tea and hug more than I can explain!

Thank you everyone!

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herethereandnow · 18/11/2018 15:33

Good you have spoken to health professionals but its a shame about the wait. Keeping a diary is a good idea - days can be so overwhelming, its good to get your thoughts out on paper. And I forget my pills too - so I set (a few) alarms on my phone to remind me and keep a container in my handbag so i can just take them then and there. I find that helps.

I'm happy to get a message from you too - you aren't alone through this, we are all here to support you (and my job is a bit boring at the moment so please don't feel like you are interrupting :)). Sending lots of love and hugs.x

MommaCinders · 19/11/2018 00:00

@herethereandnow thank you. It means a lot. Take care...til we speak again xx

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