stopping at one baby

[Fatas]

So.. I miscarried in 2016, got pregnant a year later. I have the most amazing beautiful baby boy.

I got pregnant again fairly early on and unfortunately at 13 weeks found out via several scans that the baby was likely to miscarry any time soon and opted for a termination.

I'm recovering, but the pull to have a baby is even stronger now, though I am worried about my ability to have a healthy baby. I'm 40 and the CVS gave a diagnosis of T21.

Is there anyone on here who ended up having an only child despite wanting more? How do you feel? Are you happy?

I'm looking for some positive stories really.

And, I hope I'm not being insensitive, I know there's many people on this board who would do anything for one child. I do know how lucky I am and my baby has helped me so much through this healing process. I don't know how I would have coped with these two lost babies if I hadn't had my boy in between. Sending and hope for anyone still waiting for their rainbow baby. x

Yes me. I had an ectopic when my daughter was 1, we tried for years to have another. It's almost 10 years On now, about 6 years ago we came to terms with the fact we'd have one child and no more.

It was quite difficult at the time, as times gone on we think it worked out for us as we have more spare money for holidays etc that we might not have with more children. I do feel guilty that our daughter won't have a sibling but it's been taken out of our hands.

I don't really have any tips for dealing with it we just have. We've always been so grateful to have our daughter and she's always been the light in our lives.

I had 2 miscarriages before having my DS, all in the space of less than 2 years, then a mid term miscarriage & a chemical over th next 3 years. My marriage ended when DS was 6, I got pregnant again with my new partner but miscarried at 14 weeks. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis & had a hysterectomy the year after, from what the surgeon told me, I was extremely lucky to have carried my DS to term. My partner died 3 years ago & thinking about it now I can see how hard it would have been bringing up a 14 year old & a 7 year old alone, I've come to the conclusion that things happen for a reason & it was meant to be.

@hartof thanks for sharing your story

@Nat6999 bloody hell, you've had a pretty shitty time of it.

to you both

I conceived my DS quite easily, good pregnancy, healthy baby. But I was quite poorly for a long time after he was born, and my DH just refused to have another, so we didn't, and now it's too late.

I found it really, really hard for a long time, but now he's 11, and I've got to say I'm happy with one. I'm reluctant to admit that DH was probably right, and we are able to relax financially, etc, and it's lovely being able to concentrate on DS, when he needs us. He has a really nice life and he knows it.

I do get a pang now and then, but it doesn't last long. I got a kitten, which basically made the broody feelings disappear. We let DS have his friends round all the time, so the house is filled with kids anyway.

I absolutely and utterly feel your pain, OP, but I am here to tell you it not only gets better, but that there are loads of advantages to having an only child 

Oh yes we recently got a kitten and as strange as it sounds it feels like he's filled that gap.

I have one child, whom I adore, but never got another positive pregnancy test. We had fertility treatment, but nothing.

It sent me into a really dark place for a long time, but I feel that I have reached a state of acceptance. I still get the odd pang, mostly when people talk lightly or flippantly about conceiving more children. But generally I am at peace with my situation.

to anyone struggling with fertility problems.

I have a four year old, and we just lost our second pregnancy. We won’t be trying again. I have found this so traumatic and also had severe hyperemesis with both which hospitalised me constantly.

I have days where I struggle. Something on the telly or news from friends can flick the ‘sad’ switch on in me. I do feel guilty that my daughter won’t have a sibling when all her friends at nursery either do already or will do soon. And I feel sad that I’ve probably limited my number of grandchildren - I always thought I’d be old with a big family visiting me.

But as you say, I am very very grateful for my daughter, whom has kept me going recently!

My story not quite the same as yours - had one baby at 36 and just felt too exhausted to think about another. So it was my choice but if DP and I had started TTC earlier it's possible we might have had more.

Sometimes I think wistfully that we should have started earlier and had loads of kids. But generally I just feel lucky that after fifteen years of faffing about saying "shall we or shan't we" we actually had our wonderful daughter - I know how close we came to not having any children at all.

I really hope you're not feeling as if you're somehow "not entitled" to grieve the loss of your third child. This must be so heartbreaking for you and whilst you will eventually be able to take full joy in your beautiful son please allow yourself to grieve first.