Watching tv has upset me so much and now I'm feeling huge guilt

[YearOfYouRemember]

I have lost two babies. One I passed without realising it was about to happen in the hospital toilet. It's hit me like a brick that the midwife or nurse took away my baby in a sample dish and I never saw them again. Never got an answer as to what would happen next, where they would go, what would happen to them. Don't deserve to mother the children I have.

I'm embarrassed to say the losses were in 2004 and I think I've brushed the experience under the carpet, especially as I had a toddler and a pre schooler and then a new baby quite soon after.

Please can someone help me. I'm scared to know what happened to the baby but more terrified they just put them in the bin.

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It's the first time tonight I've properly cried over losing what would have been our third child.

Sorry for you loss xxxx
I’ve had two miscarriages. The first everything came out in one and I did the stupid thing of opening it. Broke my heart to see what was inside. I was 13 weeks but baby heart had stopped at 9w 3D. I will never forget and will always have mental scars. Worst thing I ever did.
My second miscarriage, although it was hard. I just sat over the toilet, let everything come out and flushed it away. Even to this day I feel guilt but I couldn’t bring my self to look. And then of course once you have looked it’s then much harder to dispose of it with dignity.

Interns of yours. I don’t think this will make you feel any better but I work in a clinic setting. Any boidily fluids, human waste or body tissue is put in a clinical waste bin and insinerated.
Xxxxxxx

Sorry for your loss. We had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago. They cremated our baby, which seems quite standard now in most hospitals.

Does your area have an early pregnancy unit? Ours had information on their website about what happens in that scenario and made me feel so much better knowing that they were treating our baby like it was someone rather than just tissue to throw away.

Please speak to someone, this can feel like the most lonely time and you will be surprised how many people have been through this.

Hope you're ok x