Miscarriage - not what I was expecting?

[namechanging2018]

I just had my first miscarriage and I'm feeling... well to be honest I don't know what I'm feeling.
DH and I have been TTC for almost 5 years and I thought I would never get pregnant, by the time I realised I was it was too late and I was already losing it.

Physically it was nothing like I was expecting, which is good I guess as I was expecting much worse. It was like a long period that kept stopping and starting, basically pretty managable, but I don't know anyone else who had a similar experience? I'm trying to tell myself I was lucky but that just feels wrong...

Mentally I am numb. I am so, so confused. I really don't know what to think or what to feel and I don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm feeling really lost.

My fist miscarriage was like that. How many weeks were you. I was about 6 weeks.

It can be such a strange time in your life, and the fact that miscarriage is not be really talked about often and openly in every day life can be even more isolating.

Physically I've had mc which were horror movie bad waking up in blood stained sheets with it then raining down my legs when I stood up, but I've also had one (at around 6 weeks) which was identical to a normal period. Yours sounds similar to one of mine - I guess it just varies.

You don't have to feel any emotions about it. With my first i just took a week off work (recommended by the widwives) and shrugged off, I had no real feelings of loss or grief. With my second it hit me far harder. I

'd say just take time for yourself,allow yourself to feel whatever you want whether it be nothing, a waft of sadness, burning anger at the unfairness of life, whatever... Youre allowed to feel however you want to,there is no 'right' way of 'wrong' way to feel.

I was also about 6 weeks, reassuring to know that's 'normal' for someone else too.

I guess it's quite hard to put into words what I mean, I am absolutely heartbroken, but I feel like it hasn't really hit home yet? I still can't really believe it happened. Its like I'm in the eye of the storm, really quiet and still, waiting, but I know I have to come out the other side...

I have had 6 miscarriages. They were all different. The first one I was numb like you describe. I didn't know how to reach and almost felt guilty for just getting on with things. By the 6th one I was just a bit broken and ended up in counselling. I felt like I had done something wrong to deserve such an awful thing. Of course I know now that it's not true. Sorry you're going through this OP. Please just make sure you look after yourself 

I had three marriages. The first two were very early on (5-6w) and to be honest didn't register much for me. Physically it was just as you describe and mentally for me it felt like there was no grieving to do as the pregnancy had barely established. I know that other women feel these early losses much more severely but that was just how it was for me.

My third miscarriage was much worse in every way as it was a few weeks further on so I had become more invested in it and struggled to compute the cruelty of three MCs in a row.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel about it however you genuinly do - everyone experiences these things differently.

I'm so sorry for all your losses

Bombay I can't begin to imagine how you coped through 6 miscarriages, I'm glad you found some help from counselling.

I think for me I'm overwhelmed.
After 5 years of TTC it's really hard to accept. I think it was bad timing too, with news of the Royal baby, the wave of light, and one of my best friends just gave birth, it's a lot to try and make sense of.