Miscarriage, d&c and issues with work

[bellainthemiddle]

Hiya,

This is maybe more work-related than anything else, but I'd be so grateful for some advice! I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks which I thought was complete, but turns out not to have been. I'm now booked for a d&c and obviously I need to take some time off work, having already taken a couple of days off earlier this month, when the mc occurred.

My manager (who I get on professionally) is being quite stroppy about it and says that to take the time off I need to provide a doctor's note disclosing my illness, providing an explicit account (whatever that may be). I feel that this is a bit out of line, particularly since I already got a standard sick note from my GP (saying amended duties, may need time off, but giving no details). Surely she's not allowed to demand that I disclose every last detail?

I am half tempted to protest on grounds of ethics and so on, but I don't really have the energy for the fight right now! At the same time, I really don't particularly want her to know all about what's happened, since she's not the kind of person / colleague I'd usually have ANY kind of personal conversation with.

Thoughts? Perhaps I should just take absolute minimum time off and try to get back in the next day and hope for the best!!

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you have some support around you at home.

Secondly I'm so sorry you have a shitty boss who sounds insensitive, unsupportive and unprofessional. Your mc is not complete and all your employer needs to know is you require a medical procedure following pregnancy complications leading to miscarriage. I would suggest providing a medical cert from your GP or hospital consultant stating that or something similar and that you're not fit to work when undergoing the procedure and recovery time. Take all the time you need. Any problems then contact HR or escalate to her boss.

Sending you hugs

Thank you - I really appreciate the advice. I'm lucky that I do have very supportive family and friends. The trouble is the DP (who thinks my boss is a menace to put it mildly!) takes the approach of 'Tell her to get stuffed' which is comforting but not really practical :)

Said boss is an expert in making up rules, so expert that she never really gets called out. In a way, I feel like I should make a fuss about this in case it could improve the situation generally. But I don't really have mental space for it (if that makes any sense!) and I'd really just love a bit of a quiet life right now.

I had only realised I was pregnant very shortly before the miscarriage, so it hasn't been as upsetting for me as it would have been for others. But DP and I were planning to ttc in the new year, so now of course I'm worrying that there will be issues. It has shaken me up more than I anticipated to be honest, especially since it wasn't as straight forward as I first took it to be.

When I had my MC I spoke to HR about it. Pregnancy related illness doesn't count towards sick days so if you can be honest about it to whoever deals with the HR side of things that would probably smooth the way a bit.

Sorry that you're going through this. I wouldn't lose any sleep yet worrying about potential issues TTC. Early miscarriage is terribly common and the vast majority of women who have a first miscarriage go on to have a successful second pregnancy so don't worry about a problem that hasn't happened yet if you possibly can help it!