Everytime I feel like I’m doing better something comes up and knocks me back down

[ClumsyFool]

Hi, I posted on here in August as I had a mmc at 9 weeks for which I underwent surgical management. Have had three pregnancies and that was the furthest I’d managed to get to, the other 2 were very early losses.
I keep getting to the point where whilst I’m very much longing to be pregnant again, in day to day life I’m doing ok and getting on with life but then something will crop up and drag me right back down again. In the last few weeks there’s been the letter from the cytogenetic testing, then another colleague announcing her pregnancy, another colleague who I knew was pregnant as we were at the same stage has had her 20 week scan and an advert for her maternity cover had gone up. Then this week I found out another colleague is pregnant (we never have this many at the same time!) and then when I got home there was letter with the date of the cremation (don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but my hospital arranges this once a month for pregnancy losses )

I feel embarrassed that I still react so badly. I’m not bursting into tears at people. I know when it’s coming so I go and cry in the toilets at work privately. I just feel like I should be doing better and most of the time I am, but it just feels like these reminders are never ending. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this, if anything, I just needed to get it out somewhere I think as I keep getting so fed up of myself

@clumsyfool oh thank god there is someone who’s feeling like me!! I’m a month today on from medical management for a mmc (had a first mmc 3 yrs ago - same month of the year. I’m so up and down and as you say every time I feel like I’m beginning to pick myself up a bit there’s a blow. Today, of course was Meghan and Harry announcing their pregnancy...I would have been due at the same time and so it’s going to be impossible to avoid thinking “what if” for the next 9 months... it’s brought me right back down. Sending you lots of love xxx

Sorry you're all feeling like this. 13 weeks post mc and I still get really tearful. Especially yesterday with the wave of light and the royal pregnancy announcement I cried so much yesterday and almost burst into tears on the train this morning on my way into work. Have to say that announcement was so badly timed and insensitive. It's perfectly natural for you to still feel up and down so don't be hard on yourself. You've lost your much loved and wanted child and all the hopes, dreams and plans that you had - it'll take a very long time to learn to cope with the pain and grief x