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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

1st miscarriage and still waiting for body to cotton on....what should I expect??

26 replies

teenagersagain · 14/06/2007 10:33

Hi,
I have never done this before, but have been so impressed by everyone's genuine concern & heartfelt advice, so here goes..
I went along for my dating scan last week, no heartbeat was found, just the embryo which they said was 6wks, when I should have been 9 wks by my dates.
I was very traumatised, never having had a miscarriage before & was sent home with skimpy info and told to go back for another scan in 2 wks,which is next thursday which just seems like a bloody long time to wait as the midwife really gave me no hope.
Nothing has physically happened to me,, I still feel very tired and slightly sick in the afternoons. I feel very much in limbo, I am in the middle of major building work, have 3 other children to care for & dp is in london all wk!!
Any advice on what to expect, if i don't bleed spontaneously, will be much appreciated as I am stressed out of my head...

OP posts:
plummymummy · 14/06/2007 10:39

Hi teenagers. Really sorry this is happening to you. We were on the due in new year thread together. A similar thing happened to me when scanned last November - pg not progressing. I was sent home and told to expect a m/c. It took 3 weeks to happen. Gradual bleeding which eventually got heavier. On the plus side, it wasn't that painful and my cycle was back to normal next month. It is very sad and doesn't help when midwifery/obs staff are clinical to the point of being quite callous If it doesn't happen soon, maybe you could ask for ERPC (evacuation) but I think in some ways it is better to let it happen naturally.

musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters · 14/06/2007 10:56

i'm so sorry teenagers. The same thing happened to me last year. started beleeding at 10 weeks but baby had died at 6. i think they rescan in 2 weeks because then you will either start to miscarry naturally or your baby will have grown. Is tehre anyway your dates could have been wrong?
The limbo is the hardest part because its just waiting and wondering. I have quite a few topics started in this subject if you want to search them. i was given some very good advice and support from some lovely MNetters who still offer me support to this today.

musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters · 14/06/2007 10:56

day not today

prettybird · 14/06/2007 10:58

|I've had tow missed miscarraiges. One at 11 weeks (showed as 7) and the other at 7 weeks (showed as 5 - and due to cock-ups at the hospital, ahd to go back for 3 more cans before the midwives would acknowledge it, even through the sonogrpaher had told me the firt time, plus I had had to the blood tests to prove it) Personally, I coudn't have cope with the waitng game and had ERPCs as soon as I could.

Its' not a noce time thuogh so {{{{Hugs}}}}

If they are saying 6 weeks, it'll be at the limit of whether a heartbeat would show, so they cuold be getting you to come back ot ocnfirm, just in case your dates are worng. If you are certain of your dates, and don't want to be in limbo for that long, you cold try and push for an ealrier repeat scan.

spud01 · 14/06/2007 11:02

hi teenagersagain. Im really sorry this is happening to you. I too was on the January thread with you. I had a mc back in January, i too thought i was 9 weeks but looking back the development was more 7 weeks (even though i wasnt actually told how far along i was). I had just over a week of light bleeding and then bleeding suddenly went heavy, this continued for 2 weeks slowly getting lighter again. At times it did worry me the size of clots + the heaviness but apparently this is quite normal and this can vary from person to person. I personally tended to get the stomach cramps just before passing clots. I continued to feel sick (but gets less) for about four weeks after the bleeding stopped and hcg levels continued for 5 weeks after bleeding had stopped. I hope this isnt too much detail and worried you more. I was told that at 6 weeks pg that mc is like having a heavy period. Take care are thoughts our with you during this terrible time

Original poster
teenagersagain · 14/06/2007 11:05

Hi,
Plummy - Thanks for replying & yes i remember you, in fact your concern prompted me into posting this, as I did feel a bit guilty for causing more worry at what is already a worrying time, so sorry for that!
I really am hoping for it to happen naturally, but they gave me the impression that I would have to go in for pessaries and then if that didn't work an operation.
I think I feel much worse because dp had a vasectomy the day before scan, which I asked him to delay until we knew everything was ok... & am feeling very (unreasonably?) cross with him, just as well he is in London.
My dp has said we can try, but we will only have a couple of months before all his remaining sperm are used up, and I can't seem to find out much information about the chances of it happening or if it's safe to try quite soon afterwards, as time will not be on our side.
TBH I don't know if I really want to, but I would have liked that option!!

OP posts:
Original poster
teenagersagain · 14/06/2007 11:32

Hi,
I hadn't refreshed, so thanks for all your replies.
Musicians - I would love to think my dates could be wrong, and I suppose I should have mentioned to the m/w that I had a colposcopy on 22nd march, but I didn't think of it at the time.
I was not supposed to have sex for a month afterwards, but I was a bit naughty as I felt fine & thought that the bleed i had afterwards was my af.
I would ring the hospital, but am probably clutching at straws as the procedure is quite straight forward & I can't see how it would alter my cycle.
Thanks for the hugs prettybird {smile}
I feel awful for not realising how common m/c are, and thanks again for sharing your experiences.
Spud - that wasn't too much info, it's reassurring to know what to expect & that I will be ok at home!
I am feeling less tearful than this morning, as a problem shared is a problem halved & I hate to say it, but men can be a bit of a disappointment sometimes!

OP posts:
musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters · 14/06/2007 14:25

I too didn't realise that m/c were common. It was a very lonely time for me, please lean on your DP/DH when you need to

Original poster
teenagersagain · 14/06/2007 15:15

Musicians - That's it exactly, it is very lonely because it's not something people feel easy talking about. Luckily I hadn't told many people, but one friend, who has had 2 m/c herself has phoned me every day & I have found her help (listening to me weeping, mainly!) and quiet good sense invaluable.
I hope you had someone too.

OP posts:
musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters · 14/06/2007 15:43

she sounds like a lovely friend. I am glad that you have RL support as well as MN support. I didn't tell many ppl i was PG either which, in turn, made it harder to tell people i had miscarried. Go easy on yourself.

plummymummy · 14/06/2007 21:05

Teenagers - please don't feel bad about posting on the ante-natal thread. We would've been more upset if you hadn't as we would be in the dark and would be fearing the worst anyway - the least we can do is offer you sympathy and support. Yes of course it's upsetting for us all but most of all we're upset for you. Words seem so inadequate at a time like this. I hope you and dp can get through this. I can understand how hard it must seem re. the vasectomy. If you do decide to ttc again I think they recommend leaving it a month before ttc again purely to date the pg - rather than for safety reasons. However, m/c can really muck up your system for a while. I was lucky as my cycle returned to normal very quickly. Hope yours does too. I'm glad your friend is a comfort to you. Look after yourself and maybe a bit of pampering would be nice when you feel up to it. I went for a massage (something I don't usually do)and found it very therapeutic. Also got pissed a lot with little guilt - felt most justified in doing so too

spugs · 17/06/2007 17:25

From what I found out when i had my mc, they dont always see a heart beat at 6 weeks, it can be later. They base the decision if the baby is ok or not on how big it is. I was told that if the baby is over 6mm and theres no heart beat then the baby has died. At my scan my baby measured 9.1mm and I was 6.5 weeks. Because of the size of it they told me it had died. I had medical management (tablets) to bring on my miscarriage and I was not rescanned as there was no chance basically. I dont want to raise your hopes but you never no, you may have oved late and if the baby was under 6mm when you were scanned it may still be ok. Good luck for your re scan.

birdseed · 21/06/2007 11:10

teenagers again.
I was with you on the jan thread and just wanted to let you know i am in the same boat and know how awful you must feel. I went for 12 week scan yesterday and found that the baby had died at about 9 weeks and was 24mm. It was very sad as we had seen it just before then when it was 20mm and they thought it looked fine. I didn't want to post on the thread but thought that I would let you know that you are in good company. Hope the pain is easing a little

Original poster
teenagersagain · 21/06/2007 13:17

Oh Birdseed - this is the first time I've been on mum'snet in a while & I am so sad to hear your heartbreaking news.
I went for another scan yesterday to double check that my dates weren't wrong & even though I knew it was a slim chance that anything had changed, I still found it desperately upsetting & hard to accept.
I do hope you have some good emotional support, I have become much closer to a friend who has been through this 3 times, but with a happy outcome so hold onto that thought....

OP posts:
mummybear43 · 04/07/2007 14:15

I just thought i would pop in and say how sorry I am for your losses and to introduce myself as I am feelng rather lost right now. I was also on the due in new year thread. I went for the 12 week scan and the baby had died. I was left in labour for 2 days then taken to theatre, where unfortunately the surgeon managed to rupture my previous caesarian scar so I ended up in theatre for 5 hrs and having major surgery. I have just come home after a week in there and am grateful to have someone who understands as no one even knew about the pg

clare12 · 06/07/2007 14:17

hi everyone just found this site thought i would share my story with you.about 6 weeks ago i had a misscarriage didnt have a d&c but was bleeding for 3 weeks been in and out of hospital as they have now found a ovarian cysts which is causeing me alot of pain trying to get pregnant again but am worried that the cysts might stop this and to make things worse my 2 best friends have told me they are pregnant i feel very down about things is anyone else feeling like me

clare12 · 06/07/2007 16:11

to mummybear43
hi its clare12 hear just read your story i really feel for u do u feel like me in that no one seems to understand i find it difficult talking to my husband and all my friends keep telling me is that i will get pregnant soon but i feel i should still be pregnant i feel selfish because i have 2 children already age 8 and 10 and i no there are a lot of women that cant have children because i have a cyst i keep bleeding so i dont even know if i have had a peiord how are you feeling about trying again? from clare12

ejt1764 · 06/07/2007 16:18

teenagers - it may well be that your body doesn't realise on its own that you have mc - my 2nd mc last year was like this, in that I went for my dating scan at (supposedly) 13 + 1, only to find that the baby had died at around 6 weeks.

I still had to wait a week for a repeat scan - but then,as my body hadn't realised I had lost the pg, I had a medical management of miscarriage (which failed, but that's another story) ...

The limbo of waiting and hoping against hope is the worst - my heart goes out to you, and I really do hope you heal from this.

take care.

tess01 · 06/07/2007 16:51

mummybear43 - like many ive had mc, i no how how difficult it can be, i no its hard but give yourself time to heal and take care of yourself x

clare12 - I dont no the extend of the cyst but my sil successively got pg and had a successful pg, so i will keep my fingers crossed that this will be the case for yourself too.

Also there is a thread on here for trying for a baby after mc, there is a lot of nice ladies that have been through mc, that you may feel more comfortable to talk to knowing they have been through similar problems

MrsMcJnr · 06/07/2007 17:00

Mummybear43 - I don't know if you remember me from the New Year thread. I missed your sad news as I was on holiday and I just wanted to say how very sorry I was/am I hope you are ok. I lost a baby at 10 weeks in March so I do know the pain. Take care hon

clare12 · 06/07/2007 20:53

to tess01
thank you that was really reassuring to no that i can get pregnant with a cyst

clare12 · 06/07/2007 20:55

to tess01
forgot to ask although you miscarried in march are you yet pregnant?

birdseed · 09/07/2007 16:11

Hi Mummybear, sounds horrendous. sorry not to have seen your message earlier. I hope that you are gradually getting back on your feet physically now, although I realise that mentally it is going to take a lot longer.

suezee · 09/07/2007 16:21

am sorry sorry to hear about ur news teenagers again.i went through this 3 times before i had my dc, and all 3 times i was told to wait which ended up going for erpc.i actually started producing breast milk after my miscarriages which just freaked me out and made it worse at the time, if this does happen to you ask the doctor for some water tablets to clear it up. i hope ur ok and am thinking of you )

Original poster
teenagersagain · 10/07/2007 22:21

Just wanted to say a big thankyou to all of you who have posted, it really has helped me loads hearing your stories & knowing that it's not unusual to have a miscarriage.
But, why is it such a taboo topic in RL ??
I am bowled over by how giving, supportive & clever women are...far superior to men in so many ways, but i shouldn't be so surprised being the ardent feminist that I am !!

I have not been on mn for a week or more, as it hit me like a sledgehammer last week. I had been too busy with builders in the house, 3 dc & dp away to stop & think about it all, but have found myself crying in the street at the oddest things...usually gawky teenage boys, of which I have two.
Last night, i was inconsolable at the new limestone tiles in my new ensuite, ( too cream for me!! ), & before I knew it dp had taken them off the walls before they set, which made me cry even more...pathetic or normal to have such a delayed reaction???

Anyway, my thanks to all of you & empathy to any of you going through a miscarriage right now....

OP posts: