Uncomfotable Around Pregnant Women (DC's mentioned)

[Lavenderdays]

Every day I reflect on how fortunate I have been. After a rollercoaster journey of infertility and a late loss I am fortunate to have 3 lovely dcs. My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered infertility and/or loss, it is truly devastating x

It's been three and half years since I lost my little boy at 20 weeks, following which I suffered ptsd but went on to have a little girl (now 7 months).
One of the mums that I have befriended on the school run is in the early days of pregnancy. She wants to show me scan pictures and it makes me feel a bit upset thinking that I will have to look at them and make adulating noises. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased for her, but it makes me think about the awful scan I had when I was told my ds had died.

I have moved forward a lot but everyday in my recent pregnancy with baby dd, I was plagued with anxiety fearing that I was going to lose her etc. It might sound selfish but all I feel I want to do is move away from pregnant women because it is a reminder of all that I went through and still seems to pick away at some kind of wound

The memory of the loss of my little boy will never go away, I am just so surprised at my reaction after all this time and I still get jealous when I hear of someone who has got pregnant seemingly just like that. I am quite open about my loss, but I think people think it is okay now that baby dd is here but of course it never really will be. I know they don't mean to be insensitive; how can they 'get it' if they've never experienced it? Perhaps it is because whilst having young children, I am still surrounded by people having babies and it will get easier later on?

Just wanted to sound my thoughts really. Most days are generally okay and even good these days and I never thought I would get to say that; just on days like this I am thrown back into the darkness again.

I’m sorry for what you have been through and your continued struggles.

Your feelings are completely valid but, and I say this gently, so are those who are excited about their pregnancies (not those who make insensitive comments though). Have you tried any form of counselling or support?

I’ve had an early miscarriage, a late miscarriage, and also a baby who died in the neonatal unit and the best support I found (other than some incredible friends) was the charity SANDS. There are many parents whose baby loss doesn’t technically come under a stillbirth or neonatal death but they are still welcomed and their feelings as valid as everyone else’s. There are lots of small branches around the country and they usually have monthly meet ups where you can chat to people who do get it, they do understand and I find it such a relief to do so.

Thanks SpottingtheZebras, you sound like you've been through a horrendous time of it...so sorry for your losses.

Yes, attended a couple of SANDS events and also had counselling through CRUSE.

The event (actually viewing the scan pictures) wasn't as awful as first supposed and actually one picture looks very much like another, so remembered my lovely dds pictures too. I didn't look at the scan picture of my ds when I was told the awful news, so don't have this image in my head either.